Empty Chairs During Holidays

Mary Wargo · Post by **Mary Wargo** » Fri Nov 21, 2008 2:22 pm

I had found a book on grieving years ago when my mother died, and it did describe us (meaning those of us who had lost a parent) as adult orphans. Which is exactly how I felt at the time too, even though I was in my forties. It was such a tremendous help to me to know that everything I was feeling was really very normal. I'm wondering if it is the same book as Pecos has been reading. ?

pecos · Post by **pecos** » Sat Nov 22, 2008 6:28 am

Hi All. I am so glad this thread is helping. It has helped me to share, as well. I have a collection of articles written by the capable and excellent counselors at hospice centers. Many of these are available online. You can also call your local hospice hospital and tell them what you are interested in, and they can provide you with reading material. Books I like (available at libraries) are:
The Orphaned Adult by Alexander Levy; Nobody's Child Anymore by Barbara Bartocci; I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye by Pam Blair.
If you can get this reading material and these books from your library, check them all out and find which one fits you best. I read an article recently in Forbes magazine with tips to cope with grief and holidays, too. I will look it up and add that link. Here it is: <A HREF="http://www.forbes.com/prnewswire/feeds/ ... 47648.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.forbes.com/prnewswire/feeds/ ... 48.html</A>

Gale D · Post by **Gale D** » Sat Nov 22, 2008 4:29 pm

Thanks so much Pecos, for the book titles and the other information. I'm going to check it out as soon as I can. Really appreciate all of your help.

Gale

pecos · Post by **pecos** » Sun Nov 23, 2008 6:36 am

Hi Mary, if you recall the name of that book, I hope you list it. Gale, you are so very welcome. Post and let us know which reading information is most helpful to you, as well. If anyone has other books to suggest PLEASE list them here. Coping with the loss of parents, siblings, friends, pets (yes, pets are huge losses, too), anything is helpful.

monty'smom · Post by **monty'smom** » Sun Nov 23, 2008 7:33 am

Hello Everyone,

I just found this thread and have read each post feeling all the pain, losses, sadness as well as seing so much love, support and kindness from each and every one of you. How SPECIAL IS THAT!!!

My heart goes out to everyone who is missing their loved ones...human and beloved pets.

I am blessed to have met so many of you here and send hugs and much love to those who have touched my heart forever.

God Bless and be good to yourselves.

kidsisme · Post by **kidsisme** » Sun Nov 23, 2008 7:48 pm

I actually read Nobody's Child Anymore. It was a good read and I remember relating to some of what it said. I don't remember what now though. Maybe I read it too close on the heals of the whole event or maybe it just didn't resonate so loudly with me that it stuck. I may wind up looking up The Orphaned Adult. Thanks Pecos for the help.

pecos · Post by **pecos** » Mon Nov 24, 2008 5:23 am

Let us know if you read and enjoy The Orphaned Adult. I do think it is the best of those three (for what I needed). I am going to sign off today and won't be back in the community for a few days. My Thanksgiving is planned, my chairs will be full of friends, I will have place settings for the memory of both my parents and my brother, and I will smile often because the smile muscles in action do generate good chemicals in our brain. Really. It's true.
Happy Thanksgiving.

nobledancer · Post by **nobledancer** » Tue Nov 25, 2008 4:49 am

To all of the exceptional, extraordinary people on this thread---HAPPY THANKSGIVING! You are truly special.

Dana Sue · Post by **Dana Sue** » Tue Nov 25, 2008 8:20 am

I am new, in week one. I relate though. I bought a new home, in the country. Soon after, my father told me he had cancer. One year later My second Daughter was abducted. It took almost a year to find her, Identifying and lay her to rest. 3 months later, we lost my dad. His dog came to me. The dog died of a broken heart I think. No mater how much we loved him, he loved my dad. since we have lost my aunt and a nephew. The empty chairs are hard do deal with. I believe when we pass on, we are released from this body. to me, they are not dead. I will see them again. I am sure that I am just selfish. I so want to see them each holiday. I bought my house 17 years ago. I started the sadness yesterday. I cant wait till new years.

pecos · Post by **pecos** » Tue Nov 25, 2008 9:36 am

Dana Sue, welcome to the program. It isn't going to be easy, but the journey is a good one. I was so very sad reading about your life history. Most of us have similar sad histories. Life isn't easy, and it doesn't suddenly get easy. What I discovered is how much healthier I am as a result of truly re-tuning my own thinking. We cannot put all those who are lost back in their empty chairs, but we can make today a better one by deciding to make it so. Your thinking will change, and your body biology will follow. I am so happy to know you. Stay in touch with us in this community. And I wish you a peacefully calm and nice Thanksgiving.