Should's not

Superman · Post by **Superman** » Mon Mar 31, 2008 7:40 am

How's everyone list of shoulds?
I'm having a hard time finding Should's. I know I probably have millions. But when it comes to putting them on paper, my sheet comes out blank.
Here are some of mine:
I should learn to live in the present moment
I should learn to love myself more.
I should workout harder at the gym.
I should be more assertive in life.
I should relax more
I should be less hard on myself
I should respect my son's decisions.
I should allow my 14 year old son a little more freedom.
etc
What are some of yours.
Thanks
Steven

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Mar 31, 2008 9:50 am

I'm on session 12 now, so my shoulds are from January (not that I've conquered all of them - ha ha - just that some of them have been dealt with or dropped at least!):

I should...
be a better mother
keep the house cleaner
read more
be more organized
listen to my husband more/better
ride my horse more
keep the animals up to date at the vet
keep my filing at home up to date
always look perfect (oh yeah - THAT was realistic! LOL)
be more patient
go to church more or at least find one that I want to go to
finish my degree
go see my sister more often
care about my parents more
have beautiful flower beds
be more friendly
improve my vocabulary
not feel bad to say "no"

...and THAT was just a sample of my 2-1/2 pages! And THEN I had another page of my "shoulds" for others!!!!

Sorry that you asked?

Reading those back I had to laugh because I see how neurotic I can be...and how much better I have gotten already in just a few months!

Best things to you!!

Blessings,
Dawn

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Mar 31, 2008 10:07 am

I should be less affected by my thoughts and feelings
I should not have anxiety
I should be optimistic about the future
I should not need to see a counselor
I should feel happier

Yuck to my shoulds!! Mine are all due to unrealistic expectations of myself, aren't they?
How do you lower them?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 1:18 am

My shoulds focus more on my anxiety..
When it comes to my family...son.. example: I should be a better father? its not really a should, cause I'm doing the best that I can.
Or housecleaning.
I should clean the house more.
I don't..
I clean when the house seems dirty, so that too isn't a big should for me.
Thats why I'm having a hard time filling a sheets with shoulds.
As for the lesson on negative thoughts... well hold the phone, cause my sheets was full. Boy did I know how to be negative. and still am.
So perhaps I should... there I just caught myself with a should remark.
Let me rephrase myself.
It would be preferable to focus more on my negative thoughts, and give myself the respect to allow myself time to find my own shoulds.
Thank guys.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 6:28 am

Superman -

You cracked me up with your rephrase! LOL

Love that!

Maybe you just don't have issues with the shoulds so much...maybe your issues are more on negative thinking. I didn't have the obsessive scary thought or the full-blown panic attacks, but I had depression out the wazoo (:)) and tons of shoulds and negativity. Basically - I had your garden variety symptomatic ****tail...ha ha.

Perhaps if you don't have them, it would be preferable to just be aware if any shou...oops...may crop up down the road.

And Kdlady, they are not so much unrealistic expectations of yourself (although thinking that you "should" be over a problem like anxiety and depression in less time than it took to get this way IS a bit unrealistic!) as possibly OTHER people's Shoulds for you. I mean - do other people tell you or cause you to feel that you should, for example, feel happier? You are in this program...you obviously want to get better, so you are taking positive steps. Don't beat yourself up so much - you are making progress and no one (not even you

) can tell you how long that SHOULD take...just float with it. Each day is a new opportunity to practice the skills you learn here...and a chance at a better and brighter future.

Blessings to you both,
Dawn

sunshadowz · Post by **sunshadowz** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 6:30 am

Wow - sorry guys - I didn't realize that this program would edit my word like that! I was referring to a mixed drink in metaphor...not cussing! LOL Sorry!!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 2:03 pm

I pretty much have just omitted the word 'should' from my vocabulary and have replaced it with "I want to" or "I would like to". It puts a more positive spin on it.