As we grow up we are taught how to view objects,people, situations and experiences. It creates a foundation of interpretation for a whole lives. This is what determines how we react to rejection, acceptance, insults, compliments, hate, love and everything in between. It is a necessity in order to get through life. Without it, nothing would have any meaning or value. It also helps us to create our morals and rules that we have for ourselves and each other as well as habitual ways of thinking.
Like most things, our beliefs, rules & habits can help or harm us. They can be self-succeeding or self-defeating. Ie. Carrying around a belief that if you don't do it perfectly then you are a failure is a great example of a self-defeating thought. On the other hand if you believe that you have the ability to grow, improve and use mistakes to better yourself then you'll be more self-succeeding.
Recently i've come to actually take a deep look at all of my rules & beliefs which drive my habits these are those things you tell yourself "Should/Shouldn't", "must" or "have to" happen. There are a tremendous ammount that don't help me at all! I wonder if anybody can relate to them. So far i have counted 115 of them!
Among my most self-defeating rules are the following; (and yes i know exactly how rediculous they are)
1) I have to do things perfectly or i'm a failure as mistakes are bad and people will look down on me for them.
2) I shouldn't hurt anybody in any way
3) If someone criticizes me or insults me, they are automatically right.
4) As a professional, I should know how to answer any possible question that is asked of me and be able to handle any situation that arises.
5) I shouldn't express myself as it shows vulnerability.
6) If i do something that i feel is right and someone else doesn't approve then I failed and am inadequate.
7) I shouldn't be lazy. This shows that i'm inconsiderate, worthless and selfish.
8) I should put people first and me last. I need to help people regardless of how i feel.
9) People should understand me.
10) People shouldn't treat me in a mean, hurtful and/or unfair way.
11) Nobody should stay stupid or retarded things.
12) I should get to bed early.
No wonder i feel anxious and depressed
Core Beliefs, Rules & Habits
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NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
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Guest
That's just a few. I grew up believing that this was the right way to go. That these beliefs were what i needed and actually they aren't. The problem with most of these is that if I'm not able to follow through on them for whatever reason then I get to feel inadequate, like a failure and it reinforces labels i have on myself such as that i'm worthless or a bad person. (ie. I need to help people regardless of how i feel, If i cannot do so then i get to feel guilty, selfish and inadequate). Even rules like, I should be happy are self-defeating. The person who carries this rule around gets to feel like crap not only when they aren't happy but because they can't even follow their own rule!
The emotions that can generate from self-defeating beliefs are;
Anger (if someone violates your rules)
Guilt (if you have determined that not following your rule will hurt another)
Inadequacy (for not being able to follow through)
Fear (you may conclude that you will suffer very strong negative consequences but not following through)
Anxiety (you get nervous simply for thinking about facing something you've decided is unsafe)
Depression (your rule may be so overwelming that it is too hopeless and there is no point in trying)
Rejection
And a whole bunch of other really miserable feelings.
These core beliefs don't have to rule your whole life and right now i'm actually taking the measures to change them around. It's really like reprograming your brain and rewriting your beliefs and rules.
So, this is the time i have been waiting for, for a very very long time. I am already starting to see alot of changes and i'm sure alot of you will as well. I'm going to be learning a new way of living and trying to get comfortable with myself for the next little while neways. I may be short with you, irritable and I may say some not so nice things that might seem out of character for me, because they would be. I will be dropping alot of ideas and concepts that i used to care sooo much about (mostly out of fear) and so well i guess i won't care as much as i used to but i'll still care. Neways I appologize in advance if I upset you and you are more than welcome to approach me with this and we can discuss it and try working through it (i'm not turning into a selfish monster here!).
There may also be people in my life that I will drop and delete from my friend's list. If this is you, don't take this as me saying you are bad in anyway. It will most likely be because I cannot handle certain personal traits about you right now or that I just don't connect with you anymore. It's like a guy who chooses a cherry pie over an apple one. He prefers the cherry pie but that doesn't mean the apple pie is bad or not good enough. it's just a prefrence.
I believe this is what they mean by releasing Karma.
<IMG SRC="http://abduzeedo.com/files/u1/explosion_test600.jpg">
Mike
The emotions that can generate from self-defeating beliefs are;
Anger (if someone violates your rules)
Guilt (if you have determined that not following your rule will hurt another)
Inadequacy (for not being able to follow through)
Fear (you may conclude that you will suffer very strong negative consequences but not following through)
Anxiety (you get nervous simply for thinking about facing something you've decided is unsafe)
Depression (your rule may be so overwelming that it is too hopeless and there is no point in trying)
Rejection
And a whole bunch of other really miserable feelings.
These core beliefs don't have to rule your whole life and right now i'm actually taking the measures to change them around. It's really like reprograming your brain and rewriting your beliefs and rules.
So, this is the time i have been waiting for, for a very very long time. I am already starting to see alot of changes and i'm sure alot of you will as well. I'm going to be learning a new way of living and trying to get comfortable with myself for the next little while neways. I may be short with you, irritable and I may say some not so nice things that might seem out of character for me, because they would be. I will be dropping alot of ideas and concepts that i used to care sooo much about (mostly out of fear) and so well i guess i won't care as much as i used to but i'll still care. Neways I appologize in advance if I upset you and you are more than welcome to approach me with this and we can discuss it and try working through it (i'm not turning into a selfish monster here!).
There may also be people in my life that I will drop and delete from my friend's list. If this is you, don't take this as me saying you are bad in anyway. It will most likely be because I cannot handle certain personal traits about you right now or that I just don't connect with you anymore. It's like a guy who chooses a cherry pie over an apple one. He prefers the cherry pie but that doesn't mean the apple pie is bad or not good enough. it's just a prefrence.
I believe this is what they mean by releasing Karma.
<IMG SRC="http://abduzeedo.com/files/u1/explosion_test600.jpg">
Mike