Tomorrow we move on to Lesson 5!
This changing process is a very interesting one...I don't know about you guys but I seem to keep bouncing back and forth between the old way of thinking and the new way of thinking...its like I keep forgetting the new way of thinking and go back to the old way but then as I'm working through the thought replacement stuff and I look at those quotes and the pictures, I'm able to come back to the new way of thinking and life seems to be working in a way that is challenging me and exposing me to more of the anxiety kind of the like other day with that giant test.
I'm finding more of the deeper thoughts and beliefs, I'm seeing some of the biggest lies that I had believed from my past that I have carried on in my own psyche for all these years and I'm starting to break free and get relief from them (a small bit at a time). Many of these thoughts and beliefs tend to be reflective of things that I seem to have not let go of yet, its really interesting. There are also qualities which I do not like from my family that keep being afraid of having and in certain situations, the way I respond I concluded that I am like the way they are because of my response....ie. If i'm not more social, If i'm not asking people about themselves then I don't care and i'm not a caring person....or If I don't help someone that is struggling and instead walk away from them because they are very drainning and I can't seem to help them then I see myself as abandoning them...I can even remember feeling that way when I did an interview, got the job and turned it down because I didn't want it. I've even had many thoughts of needing to make sure that I'm not vulnerable because if I am then people are going to be mean and attack me or if i let people in and I trust them then they are going to take advantage of me........These don't reflect my present circumstances at all and yet the patterns have kept coming up. So right now i'm facing those long standing patterns and changing them to see the real reality and I'm finally getting some relief from them. There have been soooo many situations I have avoided just because I didn't want to experience those feeligns and thoughts, those patterns...I want to overcome that, I want to move forward without having to worry about them...So i'm picking them apart and one day I'll be completely free of them!
Oh and i'm really glad we have stayed on this lesson for a second week myself, like MapleLane had mentioned. I think I was able to appreciate this lesson more and find more of the hidden shoulds just like MapleLane, I'm really greatful of that.
Thought replacements;
1)If I feel restored and happy then I'll have to immediately get a job but then I'll burn out and wind right back to where I am now.
Should
It is my choice on when I go out looking for a job and I already know that I'm still growing and need to build up my skills more than what they are now even if I do wake up feeling refreshed one day. I'm still growing, I am still working on my abilities to deal with stress in a healthier way and eventually I'll be strong enough to not only get to a place where i'm more secure within myself but to be able to maintain that even in the face of challenging situations.
2)I should be more social with people, I should be more interested in their lives, I should call them up more often but I don't and it just shows how I really don't care about them.
Should
I want to be more connected with people, I want to be more involved in the lives of tohers but it doesn't mean that I don't care because i'm not at that place right now. I am still caught up in my own stuff and it really is hard to focus on the lives of others right now and thats ok. I am still a very loving, caring person underneath the challenges I am facing right now but its hard for that part of me to come out under these circumstances. As I continue to work on building myself up, I will be more available and able to give more to my relationships.
MapleLane
I love your list of shoulds and how you replaced them with more positive realistic statements, great job!
I also want to say that as you work on these skills you will find that you don't get sick as often...I was much more stressed out at my last job and as a result I ended up getting a cold every other week...I got fired from that job because I got sick and I ended up not getting sick nearly as much after that as I didn't have as much stress, I was still getting sick at least once every 2 months but now I think in this last year, I've gotten sick with a cold 2 or 3 times.
I also like how you have found a society type should...the one with being prettier all the time with the makeup and stuff.
Absolutely amazing response to the job thing!!! I love it! There are many things in there that I actually hadn't thought of for myself but totally fit, thank you!
I've also noticed that while working through calming yourself down and the relaxation cd that after awhile the brain is able to access clearly thinking and quicker thinking, observation becomes better, memory improves as well as all the other analytical abilities of the brain, even creativity improves, but it takes some time.
You are really amazing at the understanding and compassionate aspect of responding. I really can tell that you feel caring towards me and you get what I'm going through with how you have expressed your interpretation of my situation and I really greatly appreciate that, its that kind of same understanding and compassion directed towards ourselves that can make all the difference, thank you and thank you for the positive reinforcing words...it was cute how you said a man who has forged on and is building his own self up...I immediately thought of my favorate show (Xena Warrior Princess) where in the opening of the show the narrator is talking about Xena and says "Forged in the heat of battle"...it was very empowering!
Uh I think I had soem pictures of birds but not sure they looked like kale
And thank you for letting me know about the insights, I wasn't sure and they can get a bit negative as they do bring some focus on pain and such but I guess that is what we are doing right now.
I shall post more pictures like that then.
I have not found any magical dust yet...the best I can come up with is pop rocks!
Mike