Yes, I too have become more compassionate toward others as a result of my anxiety/depression struggles.
Haha! If you ever get that magical dust, share it with us!
Empowering Group Program Run-through part4
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Ninjafrodo2
- Posts: 234
- Joined: Sat Oct 19, 2013 11:05 am
Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part4
Tomorrow we move on to Lesson 5!
This changing process is a very interesting one...I don't know about you guys but I seem to keep bouncing back and forth between the old way of thinking and the new way of thinking...its like I keep forgetting the new way of thinking and go back to the old way but then as I'm working through the thought replacement stuff and I look at those quotes and the pictures, I'm able to come back to the new way of thinking and life seems to be working in a way that is challenging me and exposing me to more of the anxiety kind of the like other day with that giant test.
I'm finding more of the deeper thoughts and beliefs, I'm seeing some of the biggest lies that I had believed from my past that I have carried on in my own psyche for all these years and I'm starting to break free and get relief from them (a small bit at a time). Many of these thoughts and beliefs tend to be reflective of things that I seem to have not let go of yet, its really interesting. There are also qualities which I do not like from my family that keep being afraid of having and in certain situations, the way I respond I concluded that I am like the way they are because of my response....ie. If i'm not more social, If i'm not asking people about themselves then I don't care and i'm not a caring person....or If I don't help someone that is struggling and instead walk away from them because they are very drainning and I can't seem to help them then I see myself as abandoning them...I can even remember feeling that way when I did an interview, got the job and turned it down because I didn't want it. I've even had many thoughts of needing to make sure that I'm not vulnerable because if I am then people are going to be mean and attack me or if i let people in and I trust them then they are going to take advantage of me........These don't reflect my present circumstances at all and yet the patterns have kept coming up. So right now i'm facing those long standing patterns and changing them to see the real reality and I'm finally getting some relief from them. There have been soooo many situations I have avoided just because I didn't want to experience those feeligns and thoughts, those patterns...I want to overcome that, I want to move forward without having to worry about them...So i'm picking them apart and one day I'll be completely free of them!
Oh and i'm really glad we have stayed on this lesson for a second week myself, like MapleLane had mentioned. I think I was able to appreciate this lesson more and find more of the hidden shoulds just like MapleLane, I'm really greatful of that.
Thought replacements;
1)If I feel restored and happy then I'll have to immediately get a job but then I'll burn out and wind right back to where I am now.
Should
It is my choice on when I go out looking for a job and I already know that I'm still growing and need to build up my skills more than what they are now even if I do wake up feeling refreshed one day. I'm still growing, I am still working on my abilities to deal with stress in a healthier way and eventually I'll be strong enough to not only get to a place where i'm more secure within myself but to be able to maintain that even in the face of challenging situations.
2)I should be more social with people, I should be more interested in their lives, I should call them up more often but I don't and it just shows how I really don't care about them.
Should
I want to be more connected with people, I want to be more involved in the lives of tohers but it doesn't mean that I don't care because i'm not at that place right now. I am still caught up in my own stuff and it really is hard to focus on the lives of others right now and thats ok. I am still a very loving, caring person underneath the challenges I am facing right now but its hard for that part of me to come out under these circumstances. As I continue to work on building myself up, I will be more available and able to give more to my relationships.
MapleLane
I love your list of shoulds and how you replaced them with more positive realistic statements, great job!
I also want to say that as you work on these skills you will find that you don't get sick as often...I was much more stressed out at my last job and as a result I ended up getting a cold every other week...I got fired from that job because I got sick and I ended up not getting sick nearly as much after that as I didn't have as much stress, I was still getting sick at least once every 2 months but now I think in this last year, I've gotten sick with a cold 2 or 3 times.
I also like how you have found a society type should...the one with being prettier all the time with the makeup and stuff.
Absolutely amazing response to the job thing!!! I love it! There are many things in there that I actually hadn't thought of for myself but totally fit, thank you!
I've also noticed that while working through calming yourself down and the relaxation cd that after awhile the brain is able to access clearly thinking and quicker thinking, observation becomes better, memory improves as well as all the other analytical abilities of the brain, even creativity improves, but it takes some time.
You are really amazing at the understanding and compassionate aspect of responding. I really can tell that you feel caring towards me and you get what I'm going through with how you have expressed your interpretation of my situation and I really greatly appreciate that, its that kind of same understanding and compassion directed towards ourselves that can make all the difference, thank you and thank you for the positive reinforcing words...it was cute how you said a man who has forged on and is building his own self up...I immediately thought of my favorate show (Xena Warrior Princess) where in the opening of the show the narrator is talking about Xena and says "Forged in the heat of battle"...it was very empowering!
Uh I think I had soem pictures of birds but not sure they looked like kale
And thank you for letting me know about the insights, I wasn't sure and they can get a bit negative as they do bring some focus on pain and such but I guess that is what we are doing right now.
I shall post more pictures like that then.
I have not found any magical dust yet...the best I can come up with is pop rocks!
Mike
This changing process is a very interesting one...I don't know about you guys but I seem to keep bouncing back and forth between the old way of thinking and the new way of thinking...its like I keep forgetting the new way of thinking and go back to the old way but then as I'm working through the thought replacement stuff and I look at those quotes and the pictures, I'm able to come back to the new way of thinking and life seems to be working in a way that is challenging me and exposing me to more of the anxiety kind of the like other day with that giant test.
I'm finding more of the deeper thoughts and beliefs, I'm seeing some of the biggest lies that I had believed from my past that I have carried on in my own psyche for all these years and I'm starting to break free and get relief from them (a small bit at a time). Many of these thoughts and beliefs tend to be reflective of things that I seem to have not let go of yet, its really interesting. There are also qualities which I do not like from my family that keep being afraid of having and in certain situations, the way I respond I concluded that I am like the way they are because of my response....ie. If i'm not more social, If i'm not asking people about themselves then I don't care and i'm not a caring person....or If I don't help someone that is struggling and instead walk away from them because they are very drainning and I can't seem to help them then I see myself as abandoning them...I can even remember feeling that way when I did an interview, got the job and turned it down because I didn't want it. I've even had many thoughts of needing to make sure that I'm not vulnerable because if I am then people are going to be mean and attack me or if i let people in and I trust them then they are going to take advantage of me........These don't reflect my present circumstances at all and yet the patterns have kept coming up. So right now i'm facing those long standing patterns and changing them to see the real reality and I'm finally getting some relief from them. There have been soooo many situations I have avoided just because I didn't want to experience those feeligns and thoughts, those patterns...I want to overcome that, I want to move forward without having to worry about them...So i'm picking them apart and one day I'll be completely free of them!
Oh and i'm really glad we have stayed on this lesson for a second week myself, like MapleLane had mentioned. I think I was able to appreciate this lesson more and find more of the hidden shoulds just like MapleLane, I'm really greatful of that.
Thought replacements;
1)If I feel restored and happy then I'll have to immediately get a job but then I'll burn out and wind right back to where I am now.
Should
It is my choice on when I go out looking for a job and I already know that I'm still growing and need to build up my skills more than what they are now even if I do wake up feeling refreshed one day. I'm still growing, I am still working on my abilities to deal with stress in a healthier way and eventually I'll be strong enough to not only get to a place where i'm more secure within myself but to be able to maintain that even in the face of challenging situations.
2)I should be more social with people, I should be more interested in their lives, I should call them up more often but I don't and it just shows how I really don't care about them.
Should
I want to be more connected with people, I want to be more involved in the lives of tohers but it doesn't mean that I don't care because i'm not at that place right now. I am still caught up in my own stuff and it really is hard to focus on the lives of others right now and thats ok. I am still a very loving, caring person underneath the challenges I am facing right now but its hard for that part of me to come out under these circumstances. As I continue to work on building myself up, I will be more available and able to give more to my relationships.
MapleLane
I love your list of shoulds and how you replaced them with more positive realistic statements, great job!
I also want to say that as you work on these skills you will find that you don't get sick as often...I was much more stressed out at my last job and as a result I ended up getting a cold every other week...I got fired from that job because I got sick and I ended up not getting sick nearly as much after that as I didn't have as much stress, I was still getting sick at least once every 2 months but now I think in this last year, I've gotten sick with a cold 2 or 3 times.
I also like how you have found a society type should...the one with being prettier all the time with the makeup and stuff.
Absolutely amazing response to the job thing!!! I love it! There are many things in there that I actually hadn't thought of for myself but totally fit, thank you!
I've also noticed that while working through calming yourself down and the relaxation cd that after awhile the brain is able to access clearly thinking and quicker thinking, observation becomes better, memory improves as well as all the other analytical abilities of the brain, even creativity improves, but it takes some time.
You are really amazing at the understanding and compassionate aspect of responding. I really can tell that you feel caring towards me and you get what I'm going through with how you have expressed your interpretation of my situation and I really greatly appreciate that, its that kind of same understanding and compassion directed towards ourselves that can make all the difference, thank you and thank you for the positive reinforcing words...it was cute how you said a man who has forged on and is building his own self up...I immediately thought of my favorate show (Xena Warrior Princess) where in the opening of the show the narrator is talking about Xena and says "Forged in the heat of battle"...it was very empowering!
Uh I think I had soem pictures of birds but not sure they looked like kale
And thank you for letting me know about the insights, I wasn't sure and they can get a bit negative as they do bring some focus on pain and such but I guess that is what we are doing right now.
I shall post more pictures like that then.
I have not found any magical dust yet...the best I can come up with is pop rocks!
Mike
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Ninjafrodo2
- Posts: 234
- Joined: Sat Oct 19, 2013 11:05 am
Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part4
I haven't made all the accomplishment list picture quotes but I have made some...Please print them off and use them in order to help you on your journey.
I'm also still working on the 6 step images.
Mike
I'm also still working on the 6 step images.
Mike
Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part4
I have been working on keeping myself on positive thoughts. In memory instead of thinking of all the negative, blocking all that dwelling with looking for a good memory and fix my mind on that one instead. It has worked so far this weekend.
I felt mostly good over the weekend. When I caught myself thinking of something unpleasant I choose to change that to a different thought. I felt blah after Thanksgiving, and was starting to dwell in things that are not mine to fix. So again I mixed it up some and had to really think hard on a happy memory that I could make myself feel better while thinking about it.
I also have recognized I do tend to use the dental or medical as a distraction. Why I don't understand yet.
I was having a good beginning to the day, and getting ready to go shopping I suddenly started checking for body symptoms. I located a few...LOL... and reminded myself that I'm going to the store now I can check in with them later. surprising I stopped it and went on.
Maplelane & Mike,
You both have some very good post. I love Maplelane should list, many of mine could be off hers. Mike you do very well with thought replacement too. Do you use them when your on the spot? Or do you later think of them? I have trouble with on the spot. When I catch myself thinking negative. At times.
Funny eating and exercise is next! Thanksgiving I went off my usual diet and ate all kinds of things I normally don't eat. Pie, sweets, bread...yum!
I did have trouble sleeping a couple nights, I know it was having too much of that stuff, and after 6:00 Pm. Some of my trouble sleeping was I could not turn off my brain. I'm sure what I ate played into that but also, my troubled thoughts dealing with old family people was disturbing. I feel better about all that now too, realizing & excepting people for who they are. Mike I also enjoy your pictures. I liked the light bulb one in the success ones. I love it when I have a new insight that leaves me feeling good!
I'm ready to go to the next session.
I felt mostly good over the weekend. When I caught myself thinking of something unpleasant I choose to change that to a different thought. I felt blah after Thanksgiving, and was starting to dwell in things that are not mine to fix. So again I mixed it up some and had to really think hard on a happy memory that I could make myself feel better while thinking about it.
I also have recognized I do tend to use the dental or medical as a distraction. Why I don't understand yet.
I was having a good beginning to the day, and getting ready to go shopping I suddenly started checking for body symptoms. I located a few...LOL... and reminded myself that I'm going to the store now I can check in with them later. surprising I stopped it and went on.
Maplelane & Mike,
You both have some very good post. I love Maplelane should list, many of mine could be off hers. Mike you do very well with thought replacement too. Do you use them when your on the spot? Or do you later think of them? I have trouble with on the spot. When I catch myself thinking negative. At times.
Funny eating and exercise is next! Thanksgiving I went off my usual diet and ate all kinds of things I normally don't eat. Pie, sweets, bread...yum!
I did have trouble sleeping a couple nights, I know it was having too much of that stuff, and after 6:00 Pm. Some of my trouble sleeping was I could not turn off my brain. I'm sure what I ate played into that but also, my troubled thoughts dealing with old family people was disturbing. I feel better about all that now too, realizing & excepting people for who they are. Mike I also enjoy your pictures. I liked the light bulb one in the success ones. I love it when I have a new insight that leaves me feeling good!
I'm ready to go to the next session.
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Ninjafrodo2
- Posts: 234
- Joined: Sat Oct 19, 2013 11:05 am
Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part4
THH;
I'm glad you liked the picture, I find them very helpful and the same with insights!
Reading what you wrote it reminded me of how lucinda had said when a negative thought enters your mind, put up a stop sign...I forgot to do that, I'm glad I was reminded through reading your post! Also what you talk about with the bad memory to good memory, that is similar to how Neurolinguistic Programing works and you're doing it automatically, how awesome! It sounds like you got caught up in the pain of the older relatives and put yourself in their shoes and felt bad for their lives.
Sometimes I'm able to do the thought replacement in the moment, sometimes I wait until a more convenient time to replace the thoughts, but most of them are in the moment. I used to be so so with them, not really feeling it at a gut level but I am able to get that gut level feeling now after learning about how we all have basic needs and when those needs aren't met then we feel pain and when the thoughts come up, I can see the need that is not being met and I try to incorporate focus on that....IE. When I felt triggered after seeing a picture of my ex, I thought about my need for love and how it was being partially met and how I lost some of that when I stopped talking to my ex and its ok to feel hurt because of that...and also reminding myself that I am able to give that same loving feeling to myself...
hmm I wish I could give an more simpler example, but does what I said make sense?
Also the dentistry and medical stuff sounds like they are your scary obsessive thoughts when you are trying to run away or distract yourself from something.
Mike
I'm glad you liked the picture, I find them very helpful and the same with insights!
Reading what you wrote it reminded me of how lucinda had said when a negative thought enters your mind, put up a stop sign...I forgot to do that, I'm glad I was reminded through reading your post! Also what you talk about with the bad memory to good memory, that is similar to how Neurolinguistic Programing works and you're doing it automatically, how awesome! It sounds like you got caught up in the pain of the older relatives and put yourself in their shoes and felt bad for their lives.
Sometimes I'm able to do the thought replacement in the moment, sometimes I wait until a more convenient time to replace the thoughts, but most of them are in the moment. I used to be so so with them, not really feeling it at a gut level but I am able to get that gut level feeling now after learning about how we all have basic needs and when those needs aren't met then we feel pain and when the thoughts come up, I can see the need that is not being met and I try to incorporate focus on that....IE. When I felt triggered after seeing a picture of my ex, I thought about my need for love and how it was being partially met and how I lost some of that when I stopped talking to my ex and its ok to feel hurt because of that...and also reminding myself that I am able to give that same loving feeling to myself...
hmm I wish I could give an more simpler example, but does what I said make sense?
Also the dentistry and medical stuff sounds like they are your scary obsessive thoughts when you are trying to run away or distract yourself from something.
Mike
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Ninjafrodo2
- Posts: 234
- Joined: Sat Oct 19, 2013 11:05 am
Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part4
Mike,
Yes it worked really well. ( when I did it.) I was letting my Uncles comments get to me and rather than get mad, my mind went to a time where he was a fun person to be around. As a kid he was like a crazy brother to me. Before I could drive he would take me almost any place I wanted to go. He would do dumb stuff that as a kid was cool. Those thoughts helped me calm down and not absorb all his negative thoughts. I know he hurts and has pain, but being mean and saying things just to see how far he can push me is not fare to me. misery love company. This way really did help me feel calm and in control.
Good for you getting most of your thought replacement in the moment. I'm still too slow on the draw. LOL... I have to get snappier.
Yes it does make sense. It also is very good that you realize you can give yourself this love your looking for in somebody else.
Yes, scary thoughts. Can't wait for that session! I will half to pay closer attention at my thoughts before I get to scaring myself. This way maybe I can track down if I am avoiding or just wanting to run. The something is the key. I hope I realize this on this trip though the program. Seams like I have never been able to answer the question.
Yes it worked really well. ( when I did it.) I was letting my Uncles comments get to me and rather than get mad, my mind went to a time where he was a fun person to be around. As a kid he was like a crazy brother to me. Before I could drive he would take me almost any place I wanted to go. He would do dumb stuff that as a kid was cool. Those thoughts helped me calm down and not absorb all his negative thoughts. I know he hurts and has pain, but being mean and saying things just to see how far he can push me is not fare to me. misery love company. This way really did help me feel calm and in control.
Good for you getting most of your thought replacement in the moment. I'm still too slow on the draw. LOL... I have to get snappier.
Yes it does make sense. It also is very good that you realize you can give yourself this love your looking for in somebody else.
Yes, scary thoughts. Can't wait for that session! I will half to pay closer attention at my thoughts before I get to scaring myself. This way maybe I can track down if I am avoiding or just wanting to run. The something is the key. I hope I realize this on this trip though the program. Seams like I have never been able to answer the question.
Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part4
Ninja:
You talked about bouncing back and forth between old thinking and new thinking during this process, and I am finding that a lot too.
How often that happens changes too. Sometimes I'm falling more easily into the new thinking coming up as my response, many times I think the old way and quickly see it and switch, and other times I think the old way and it's blasted hard to change it.
Thank-you for your feedback on my 'shoulds'.
I have a few more I want to post - I didn't get around to it earlier because of having that stomach bug. I know we're moving on to the next lesson and folder but I'll post them anyways in case anyone is interested.
Your should about socializing struck me for a couple reasons. You'll see in my next post of shoulds that I also have a should about that.
Do you tend to be heavily introverted, heavily extroverted, a mix of both? Or even if you have an extroverted nature does the social anxiety make socializing a lot of effort? (Sorry if that's an obvious question but I am not especially familiar with how social anxiety feels as an ongoing thing).
I'd say I'm more of an introvert than and extrovert... sort of an extroverted introvert if that makes sense. I enjoy being with people and will seek out activities and groups to join and I enjoy it but it also can take energy out of me rather than it feeding me energy. Sometimes I let phone calls go unanswered and then call the person back - clearly I do want to talk to them (hence calling them back) but I just didn't feel up for it right that moment even though I wasn't really doing anything else.
Anyhow, I wonder if we put pressure on ourselves over socializing more or better or more naturally because being extroverted is what is celebrated in our society. And not just any old version of extrovert, but the ideal extrovert. You should also have a million friends, should love partying, be impressive to new people you meet, and entertaining with your witty conversation. Also you should be good looking and your clothes all fit you perfectly.. ...just so you know. TV shows, ads and movies will back me up on this
Not all tv or movie characters that are portrayed positively are like that, thank goodness, but such a majority are that we can lose sight of what is real and normal.
There's a lot of great people out there who aren't awesome conversationalists or have a million friends or always know just what to say, but they might have a friendly smile as they pass by, or might pick something up for someone who dropped it, or in other ways be socially in tune and affect others positively without having to be a good talker or go out to social functions.
Improving on socializing is a great goal - so I'm not at all trying to downplay that! I'm more just curious whether you find yourself putting the sort of pressures on yourself that I sometimes do?
I used to watch Xena too! Hahaha! I'd totally forgotten about that show! She was always kicking butt
Pop Rocks ~ Magic Dust... You made my day with that! Hilarious!
You talked about bouncing back and forth between old thinking and new thinking during this process, and I am finding that a lot too.
How often that happens changes too. Sometimes I'm falling more easily into the new thinking coming up as my response, many times I think the old way and quickly see it and switch, and other times I think the old way and it's blasted hard to change it.
Thank-you for your feedback on my 'shoulds'.
I have a few more I want to post - I didn't get around to it earlier because of having that stomach bug. I know we're moving on to the next lesson and folder but I'll post them anyways in case anyone is interested.
Your should about socializing struck me for a couple reasons. You'll see in my next post of shoulds that I also have a should about that.
Do you tend to be heavily introverted, heavily extroverted, a mix of both? Or even if you have an extroverted nature does the social anxiety make socializing a lot of effort? (Sorry if that's an obvious question but I am not especially familiar with how social anxiety feels as an ongoing thing).
I'd say I'm more of an introvert than and extrovert... sort of an extroverted introvert if that makes sense. I enjoy being with people and will seek out activities and groups to join and I enjoy it but it also can take energy out of me rather than it feeding me energy. Sometimes I let phone calls go unanswered and then call the person back - clearly I do want to talk to them (hence calling them back) but I just didn't feel up for it right that moment even though I wasn't really doing anything else.
Anyhow, I wonder if we put pressure on ourselves over socializing more or better or more naturally because being extroverted is what is celebrated in our society. And not just any old version of extrovert, but the ideal extrovert. You should also have a million friends, should love partying, be impressive to new people you meet, and entertaining with your witty conversation. Also you should be good looking and your clothes all fit you perfectly.. ...just so you know. TV shows, ads and movies will back me up on this
Not all tv or movie characters that are portrayed positively are like that, thank goodness, but such a majority are that we can lose sight of what is real and normal.
There's a lot of great people out there who aren't awesome conversationalists or have a million friends or always know just what to say, but they might have a friendly smile as they pass by, or might pick something up for someone who dropped it, or in other ways be socially in tune and affect others positively without having to be a good talker or go out to social functions.
Improving on socializing is a great goal - so I'm not at all trying to downplay that! I'm more just curious whether you find yourself putting the sort of pressures on yourself that I sometimes do?
I used to watch Xena too! Hahaha! I'd totally forgotten about that show! She was always kicking butt
Pop Rocks ~ Magic Dust... You made my day with that! Hilarious!
Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part4
A BIG thing that hit me with this session was realizing that one of my shoulds actually IS that life should be fair.
I know that life isn't fair and like basically everyone else I have experienced that and been aware of it since childhood.
But I realized that my version hasn't been a simple 'life isn't fair'.
It has been 'life isn't fair... ..but it should it be'.
That second part is kind of a whispered tack on to the first part, which is part of why I didn't see it before.
The other reason is that it would be awfully nice if life were fair, and in many ways could be fairer if we collectively put in the effort. And that tricks me into still thinking that life SHOULD be fair.
Now I am learning to think of that a new way. Life isn't fair. (End of sentence)
This mental shift is resulting in me starting to let go of certain grudges, starting to let go of certain negative thoughts and memories... There's sort of a pressure valve opening and letting these things escape and waft away. If life isn't fair, then what's the sense of keeping tally on what I'm resentful about?
Who's going to look at that list and say 'Yes Ms. So-and-So, I can see here that you were wronged by this person, that something unfortunate happened to you on this day, that something completely illogical put you out on this occasion - that was all quite unacceptable and now the universe will make it up to you'.
Haha! Not going to happen is it!?!
Life can be really hard sometimes. We're all in this together so we might as well make it easier on each other.
What can I do to avoid purposely or accidentally making someone else's life harder? What can I do to help out someone who is experiencing a very unfair life?
It's really making me think again about how lucky I am to be in the situation I am in. I have food and clean water. I have a home. I have connections with nice people. I'm not in imminent danger of violence. I have options and freedoms.
I didn't get that because I deserved it. I was just damn lucky to be born in a good place and time.
That's not to invalidate our hardships, but to put some of mine in perspective.
And to remember that life isn't fair but there are things I can do to make it that much nicer for the other people (and animals) that are living it with me.
I know that life isn't fair and like basically everyone else I have experienced that and been aware of it since childhood.
But I realized that my version hasn't been a simple 'life isn't fair'.
It has been 'life isn't fair... ..but it should it be'.
That second part is kind of a whispered tack on to the first part, which is part of why I didn't see it before.
The other reason is that it would be awfully nice if life were fair, and in many ways could be fairer if we collectively put in the effort. And that tricks me into still thinking that life SHOULD be fair.
Now I am learning to think of that a new way. Life isn't fair. (End of sentence)
This mental shift is resulting in me starting to let go of certain grudges, starting to let go of certain negative thoughts and memories... There's sort of a pressure valve opening and letting these things escape and waft away. If life isn't fair, then what's the sense of keeping tally on what I'm resentful about?
Who's going to look at that list and say 'Yes Ms. So-and-So, I can see here that you were wronged by this person, that something unfortunate happened to you on this day, that something completely illogical put you out on this occasion - that was all quite unacceptable and now the universe will make it up to you'.
Haha! Not going to happen is it!?!
Life can be really hard sometimes. We're all in this together so we might as well make it easier on each other.
What can I do to avoid purposely or accidentally making someone else's life harder? What can I do to help out someone who is experiencing a very unfair life?
It's really making me think again about how lucky I am to be in the situation I am in. I have food and clean water. I have a home. I have connections with nice people. I'm not in imminent danger of violence. I have options and freedoms.
I didn't get that because I deserved it. I was just damn lucky to be born in a good place and time.
That's not to invalidate our hardships, but to put some of mine in perspective.
And to remember that life isn't fair but there are things I can do to make it that much nicer for the other people (and animals) that are living it with me.
Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part4
Just before I share a few more of my 'Shoulds' I wanted to tell you guys that I am pleasantly surprisingly myself by procrastinating less.
Since at least junior high I was a huge procrastinator. I've improved on that over time, partly from working to overcome that pitfall of 'Do-Nothing-ism' during depression that I mentioned, partly because I've gotten more mature over the years and also had a kid to take care of.
Part of the reason for my pattern of behaviour is just personality. My mom is very task oriented and can't relax until things are done. My Dad just does things when he does them - plus he procrastinates a bit too. Again, I am like my Dad in this. I don't have to do something right away to feel ok about it.
So I had to sort out personality from actually procrastinating - and yes I still totally procrastinate a lot.
Since putting thought into unrealistic expectations I have for myself I have started relaxing those expectations and as a result I find myself starting to do more things sooner and with less pressure attached to them. It's so much easier to go ahead and do something when there's not that level of pressure hanging over me that I'm putting in myself.
It can sometimes still take what feels like a lot of energy, but not as much as before. And I think it may become even easier as I work to put these unrealistic expectations behind me and distance myself from that pressure.
Since at least junior high I was a huge procrastinator. I've improved on that over time, partly from working to overcome that pitfall of 'Do-Nothing-ism' during depression that I mentioned, partly because I've gotten more mature over the years and also had a kid to take care of.
Part of the reason for my pattern of behaviour is just personality. My mom is very task oriented and can't relax until things are done. My Dad just does things when he does them - plus he procrastinates a bit too. Again, I am like my Dad in this. I don't have to do something right away to feel ok about it.
So I had to sort out personality from actually procrastinating - and yes I still totally procrastinate a lot.
Since putting thought into unrealistic expectations I have for myself I have started relaxing those expectations and as a result I find myself starting to do more things sooner and with less pressure attached to them. It's so much easier to go ahead and do something when there's not that level of pressure hanging over me that I'm putting in myself.
It can sometimes still take what feels like a lot of energy, but not as much as before. And I think it may become even easier as I work to put these unrealistic expectations behind me and distance myself from that pressure.