What are your expectations like?

Do you have such high expectations of yourself and others that you’re constantly disappointed? Learn how to have realistic, reasonable expectations and be happier than you’ve ever been before.
peony
Posts: 62
Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2012 3:08 am
Location: Canada

Re: What are your expectations like?

Post by peony » Sat May 12, 2012 11:59 pm

Hi Dixie, Pat and Ropersue,

Seems like this is a my gardening discussion. Success. I bought some plants for my planters today and will put them in tomorrow. This is Canada. Then will go back for the bedding flowers. Mon Tues Wed I choose my decorating scheme. I am on session 8 "What If", which is a lot like "shoulds" and am biting through things that have discouraged me in the past. It hasnt been easy. One night I stayed up almost all night attempting to have positive expectations without luck. The next night I was able to imagine good outcomes instead of barriers and negativity. It's hard, but worth it.

Taking a "break" is okay as long as we pick ourselves up and carry on. Good luck to all. It's all good. :)

Dixiesmom
Posts: 72
Joined: Fri Aug 19, 2011 10:03 am

Re: What are your expectations like?

Post by Dixiesmom » Thu May 17, 2012 3:00 pm

Well, at least we all have something in common - gardening! We finally put up a few plants and flowers, but still have more to do. I think the plants are ok, but not sure about the flowers. I guess I can always pull up the flowers later and try something different.
I have been away a little while. I've kind of put the program on hold due to some things going on. Trying to work what I've already been through, but not moving to next session. Maybe part of it is my expectation that with everything going on, I won't be able to do it "right"?! I have promised myself to jump back in on Monday.
Hope everyone is doing good and that I get to "talk" to ya'll around the board.
And, no, I don't speak French!! Sorry, wish I could! Not to worry though, you are doing good!

peony
Posts: 62
Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2012 3:08 am
Location: Canada

Re: What are your expectations like?

Post by peony » Fri Jun 01, 2012 2:26 am

Hi gardeners,
3 of my "beds" are passable now. I have a very difficult fix in the back yard... a big shady bed where I have a lot of plants that are sickly and need to be moved to a sunnier location or thrown away. Only 2 hostas that I will keep. Bought a pile of impatiens but havent figured out the rest of the bed. Bare patch where I had a huge stump removed and reseeded with grass is finally sprouting! I had a few paralysed days where I just couldnt face the weeds but just going to do what I can and leave the rest. Need to do some pruning but may leave till next year. Getting too late and need to work the beds. Bought another 10 bags of topsoil so the pressure is on.

Have to relax... get some done, the rest will have to just be let go...

Release perfectionism... dare to be average....

Dixiesmom
Posts: 72
Joined: Fri Aug 19, 2011 10:03 am

Re: What are your expectations like?

Post by Dixiesmom » Mon Jun 04, 2012 4:07 pm

Peony,
I have to say that I really know nothing about putting together a flower or plant bed! I love getting out and fiddling around in the yard, but this is the first time I've ever had a huge blank slate all across the front of the house where we had everything pulled up and it's up to me to fill it in!!! We kept the soft touch holly on one side of the house in front of the porch and after much debate and indecision we finally put in plants on the other side of the house. I had wanted to move the holly's to that side and put in hostas, but decided the direct afternoon sunlight might kill them. So, we put in peonies (I laughed and thought of your board name). I had no idea (and still don't really know) what a peony is. But, it fit our height requirements and amount of sunlight for that area, so we put them in! Hope they will look good. We also planted two rose bushes on each corner of the house instead of a tree that might get too big right in front of the house. Anyway, thought you might enjoy the fact that we planted peonies!

peony
Posts: 62
Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2012 3:08 am
Location: Canada

Re: What are your expectations like?

Post by peony » Tue Jun 05, 2012 4:25 am

Thanks,

Peonies are tough plants that have beautiful flowers in the spring. The rest of the season, unlike some other spring bloomers, the leaves are nice and the plant still looks good. They die back in winter (in my area zone 5) and sprout out of the ground in early spring to start all over again. Mine are are pretty much trouble free. They dont like to be moved once established. I'm sure you will be happy with your peony.

It sounds like your garden will be very pretty. It can be daunting to plan out a garden and I have never really had a plan. Just make sure you choose stuff that wont outgrow their spot. I always have trouble imagining a tiny shrub turning into a huge monster like it says on the label! Growth happens in gardens just like in us!

Happy gardening.

Dixiesmom
Posts: 72
Joined: Fri Aug 19, 2011 10:03 am

Re: What are your expectations like?

Post by Dixiesmom » Sun Jun 10, 2012 7:43 pm

We are now through planting everything in the front of the house!!! Yeah!!!! It was a daunting task, given I've never done anything like it before. But, I must admit, that for first timers, I am well pleased with how it turned out. We stuck with it and did it!!! I was told peonies have big, beautiful and fragrant flowers....waiting to see if ours will bloom this year.....I am proud that I stuck with it and didn't get discouraged and give up!!! :)
Onto the next project!!!!!

peony
Posts: 62
Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2012 3:08 am
Location: Canada

Re: What are your expectations like?

Post by peony » Tue Jun 12, 2012 5:02 am

Hi Dixie,

Well done. Must be very satisfying.

My back bed is weeded out and I kept a few perennials ( 2 hostas, fern and a few phlox) that survived the deep shade. I am putting coleus and impatiens in tomorrow.

I had an emotional setback. I asked my husband to trim off the top 4-5 branches sticking out off a nicely shaped red shrub (cottinus) about 8' tall x 8' wide and he hacked of the center section so there is a hole in the center of it. Imagine a lovely bowl shaped bush that you can see through the center. He didnt get the concept, and I was foolish enough to only explain it once. I hit the roof. I cant fix by pruning unless I take it down to about 2 feet. It wont really grow in because he removed the branches that were there! I had to work on neg thoughts, forgiving him, forgiving myself. It's been hard. He feels real bad and I am not allowed to discuss it at all in case I stimulate his guilt feelings. I am still ticked off still when I think about it and whenever I look at it. My husband has good qualities but seeing is not one of them. Sometimes I get a haircut and he doesnt notice.

A few years ago he "trimmed" the bottom branches off a row of evergreens that grow between my neighbour and us. It was an effective privacy screen. Now with the bottom 4' taken out you can see through to the neighbour's back yard, and they can see into ours. I was furious and I solved the anger by trying not to look that way very often. Of course being deep shade I havent tried to grow anything there. Maybe I will try next year.

Thanks for letting me vent. I need to know what to do with the anger at my husband. These things seem trivial compared to what he could be doing. He doesnt drink, smoke or womanize.

allenae9
Posts: 35
Joined: Thu Jul 26, 2012 7:19 pm
Location: Maine

Re: What are your expectations like?

Post by allenae9 » Tue Aug 14, 2012 7:49 pm

I wanted to weigh in although I've only listened to session 4 once so far. I find myself doubting my relationships because I want more from the people in my life. Sometimes I can detect whether I have unrealistic expectations of people but other times I truly wonder why don't i deserve to be happy in this relationship. For example I understand I can not expect my co workers to be as respectful as I would like them nor can I expect them to have the forethought that I do. Then, I can not figure out what is going on when i'm angry at my boyfriend, of four years, for one weekend. I'm very lost in this battle. I am constantly second guessing if it is the condition, or them. Or is it even appropriate to say them... perhaps I should say the relationship. As you can see this has been racking my brain. So far this is the most challenging session for me. I scored a 44 on the attitude inventory which helped me understand better why it is so difficult. I think I will be reviewing this session a lot because as I read back in my journal my interactions with people is always a point of stress and some panic attacks.
I am also starting to realize how similar my issues with anxiety and depression are to my fathers. He unfortunately is not ready to begin working on himself. It is increasingly hard to interact with him because before I started the program we both had similar negative views on everything. I spend a lot of time with my father. He also is my supervisor at work and i've noticed his negativity is enough to set me in a horrible mood for the rest of the day. I also realized i'm so scared of disappointing him even though he doesn't hold high expectations of me. I don't understand that. I want him to be so proud but he always is...? Anyways sorry for venting for so long... today hasn't been the best of days. Perhaps someone can relate to my personal story or my challenges with the program.
As I grow to understand life less and less, I learn to love it more and more. ~Jules Renard

Post Reply

Return to “Session 4 - Expectations: How to Expect Less and Get More”