Shoulds

karmatism · Post by **karmatism** » Sat Nov 27, 2010 1:53 am

Ok, I need some help. I have tried to write my shoulds list a few times now and it's really hard! I don't know what to write! I started anyway and I already ahve 2 pages filled up. So now I'm over anaylyzing what's on list wondering if it 'should' (lol) even be on the list. I'm confusing myself and I feel stuck. How do you cross off things that are important? They all feel important, with the exception of a few I can see and ridiculous.

karmatism · Post by **karmatism** » Sat Nov 27, 2010 1:54 am

That's supposed to say, "I can see as ridiculous."

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Sat Nov 27, 2010 7:42 am

HI I don't know the assignment for the "shoulds" I have the CDs from my sister and she kept the notebook. Also, two CDs were missing from the packet. So what is the assignment that you are writing your "shoulds"?

THH · Post by **THH** » Sat Nov 27, 2010 5:46 pm

Karmatism,
For me, I wrote things like,
1. I should quit smoking
2. I should go back to school
3. I should be more organized
4. I should cook better
5. I should spend more time with my parents.

So now after you write them, they want you to scratch though ( forget about) what is not realistic, what ones are yours and which are other peoples ( other people telling you you should).
1. smoking, its mine, make a plan and do it. Goal
2. back to school, I really don't want to at this time. SCRATCH.
3. Organize, to general- organize what? - needs more information.
4. cook better - again too general
5. parents, do they want me to or do I want to.
If its mine, make a plan or a goal to do it.

I don't know if this helps you but thought I would tell you how I did it.

Paislee,
List your shoulds, things you say you should do.
The next is What are some of your expectations of others?

Are these realistic?

What do you feel you deserve?

What do you feel you have coming to you and why?

What are your expectations of this program?

It is too bad you don't have the book, but just ask I will be happy to share.

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Mon Nov 29, 2010 5:47 am

Hi THH--Thank you very much! This sounds familiar from other books I have that I haven't looked at for years. They could be the ones my DS packed up last spring. But I do have David Burns books and he covers this area in some ways. Now I just need to start looking at it.

I'm glad you posted them on here, since I always know where the computer is!

creamcheese · Post by **creamcheese** » Tue Nov 30, 2010 1:25 pm

Hey Gang, Whats happening with you all??? Hey Paisley, THH, and Karmatism....I see we are doing THE SHOULD LIST>.....hmmmmmm....lets see....Man thats a tough one for me right now, but THH has a good start....yes, I should quit smoking...when.??? when I am less stressed....when will that take place.....
I should go back to eating healthy....again....still stressed over my recent move out to a new state......very rural....
I should be more organized????? Well. if you see my house now, thats impossible....I am working on it best I can.
I should not get upset when the landlord doesnt respond to me ASAP....yes this is a biggee.....she is a very "EVERYTHING IS BEAUTIFUL person and is lovely but takes things too lightly, especially my complaints with her house.
Ok.....how am I doing so far??????
I think I have to do some work here.....its tough now....I am just trying to acclimate to a new environment which was ALOT different than where I used to live. UGH!!!!! Its a good start though!!!!!

THH · Post by **THH** » Thu Dec 02, 2010 4:08 pm

Cream Cheese!
How are you? Glad your back and you are now moved!
YEY! How is it going? Do you feel like your home yet?
I takes time getting unpacked and settled. Good job though, you did it!!!

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Fri Dec 03, 2010 5:47 am

Hi Cream Cheese!

Wow, I didn't know you went all the way to Vermont! But I guess that is up North! LOL! Which you said you were going north...

Maybe we can work on our little bit of organizing on here. If you're up to it. Maybe just report what baby step you took to get organized. I think I need to be able to report when I completed a task, how little that may be.

We probably already have that going...somewhere on the threads.

THH--Thank you for your Shoulds posting. I'm reading it again and my mind is clearer. I'm going to look them over and see what I come up with. Paislee

creamcheese · Post by **creamcheese** » Sun Dec 05, 2010 1:21 pm

I really enjoy the expectations tape CD. that really hit the nail on the head with me. I however go into the I SHOULDVE phase right now, but I have to give myself time. I want everything done yesterday. My house is a major disaster with Boxes and crap all over the place. What a JOB!!!!!! BUT....I remember the shoulds....and I do do them all!!!!! I really am not a procrastinator especially with bills and important things or events that need attention. BUT I AM PRESENTLY OVERWHELMED....AND YES Paisley .....I am in vermont now, from NJ to Vermont.....My home town changed for the worse. The people moving in just dont give a crap except for themselves. Sad to see happen.....OH WELL> Hope everyone is hanging in there, I havent been on that much but will be in a couple of weeks. I pop in every now and then....OK ...TILL NEXT TIME.....creamcheese

Bob-o Bingo · Post by **Bob-o Bingo** » Fri Dec 24, 2010 4:48 am

Ahhhhhh... the SHOULDS! What an assignment! I thought some of the other assignments and tasks from Section 1, 2 and 3 were something... but the Shoulds of Section 4 are something else! Really really tough.

I listened to the tape... I started filling in the Section 4 workbook pages... I read everything very carefully and was well warned about the Step 1 Test on page 55 before I took it... and I failed it miserably anyway!!! But I really like that test. It provides excellent indications of areas where my stinkin' perfectionistic thinkin' needs some work!

The test's explanatory tables on page 56-57 are wonderful! I've seldom seen such solid feedback on a test, and now I understand myself much better than ever before. Now I know exactly where I have to re-assess my thinking and attitudes, and where I have to make an honest effort to change! It's really great.

But the best part of all is the effect those changes will have on my tendencies to allow everyday situations to carry me into anxiety, stress, panic attacks and depression! The new thinking being provoked from the Step 1 test on page 55, plus the scoring explanations on pp. 56-57 will create a new me... a better me... one who is much better able to cope with life! I really love it!

Ahhh... I'm supposed to be talking about my list of SHOULDS! Sorry I got way off the track there. The shoulds... I carefully read and re-read all the Core Skills info on shoulds on page 53 of the workbook. I underlined large parts of that page. I mean, I really burned that information into my skull. The REALISTIC realities of Shoulds finally penetrated my cerebellum. I finally realized just how TOXIC they are!!!

So after I did all that... and after I flunked the Step 1 Test on my Attitude Inventory... (in spite of all the warnings on page 54!... and in spite of the fact that I cheated a little bit by being extremely conservative in my Intellectual, Emotional and Physical answers to the questions)... in spite of all that stuff, I just went out and flunked the test anyway -- probably because I didn't cheat hard enough -- LOL!!!

So what did I do when I got to the Shoulds Listing Test on page 58??? EASY--I didn't do that test because I already knew how nasty those shoulds are--hahahahahaaaaaa. They're sort of like the entitlements that many Americans feel they deserve--"free" medicare, social security, etc.

Well I've got news for you, bucko... we don't "deserve" anything -- and that includes anything that could come to us simply because we think it SHOULD! We've got to get rid of that stinkin' thinkin' real quick. Shoulds are bad to the bone and I ain't goin' there.