Relationship expectation and expectation of myself

Aphrodasia · Post by **Aphrodasia** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 7:48 am

I've just wrapped up w/ session 4 but I am having a really difficult time trying to expect less. It almost seems to be a natural reaction in my brain to have expectations and I can't distinguish which ones are valid and which one to be eliminated.

I've been w/ my boyfriend for 1 1/2 year and he would always takes off to another country on family visit or whatever reasons without me. My expectation is that after a semester of all work and no play (he's a student), we would go on a fun adventure together to "get away". So I get disappointed that things doesn't happen the way I want it to. We went to visit his parents for Christmas and were suppose to go to Quebec just me and him but that didn't happen.. so I was disappointed. We went to boston instead but it was for 1 night and that wasn't what I hoped it to be.

I'm exhibiting all the traits of someone who has high expectation of others and myself but I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TURN OFF THOSE EXPECTATIONS. I'm totally frustrated with myself.

The last fight was about my boyfriend being in Thailand hanging out w/ his best friend and visiting family while I'm stuck at home. I'm trying to build a photography business so staying in my house drives me stir crazy. So I get totally upset that he's off in some exotic place leaving me here.

I really try to apply this session, but I can't seem to turn off my expectations and I don't know what to do. And I know that while I sit here and agonize and feel frustrated w/ myself, my boyfriend is probably just fine. Why then do I impose such torture on myself?

Secondly, trying to start a photography business seems like climbing Everest at times. I find myself bouncing from one thing to do to another and feel totally unaccomplished at the end of the day. It really shows though because when I really consciously make an effort to recap my day, I do A LOT. I just am so hard on myself. I have such high expectations to be a great photographer NOW that all this pressure is causing great stress. I FIND IT SO CHALLENGING TO BE GENTLE TO MYSELF.

I mean it's really easy to tell someone.. "ok, I want you to expect less" BUT HOW??

How do I expect less from my boyfriend?
How do I expect less or be gentle w/ myself?

Any feedback or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you

Willowfen1 · Post by **Willowfen1** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 8:04 am

Sounds like you have accepted less. You want more from your relationshhip and he does not seem interested. Get out now.

It's not about expecting less, it's about accepting what is. I wanted my ex to stop drinking, go out with me and the kids. It didn't happen. I wanted more from a marriage.

I cut my losses and have more now than then. I still have all sorts of goals and expectations, but I can accept also, what I DO have.

I worked as a consultant for a while, doing my own business. It just takes time and a lot of networking. Best wishes

deedee00 · Post by **deedee00** » Sat Jan 19, 2008 2:33 pm

Hi Aphrodasia. The program says to EXPECT less not to ACCEPT less. You are an important person. Take care of yourself emotionally and physically. You deserve respect.

DeeDee.

Malikye · Post by **Malikye** » Sat Jan 19, 2008 3:31 pm

THAT IS NOT WHAT EXPECT MORE AND ACCEPT LESS MEANS,ASPHORDIA. YOUR BOYFRIEND IS NOT MAKING YOU HAPPY. YOU WOULD BE THERE WITH HIM IF HE WANTED YOU THERE.IT IS ABOUT YOU.NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND.HE IS KEEPING YOU FROM MOVING ON TO A BETTER,LESSSTRESS,PEACEFULL LIFE.GET A NEW BOYFRIEND OR JUST BE WITH YOU FOR A WHILE

.................MALIKYE

I AM NOT YELLING