More comes when you demand less.

[Xophe]

This week's lesson has been right on the mark. Yesterday I wasn't completely agreeing with what I heard. I've always believed it's better to err on the side of over-expecting from yourself - “aim for the stars - if you fall short you'll hit the moon.” Lowering expectations sounded to me like selling yourself short. After all, studied have shown that children (awa adults) tend to perform according to what they feel is expected of them. Thus, kids tend to do well in schools where they're expected to apply themselves, and tend not to in schools that expect only a minimum. So if you expect no more of yourself than to live a respectful but ultimately average and unremarkable life, then most likely that's all you're going to get. Better to push the envelope. Expect more of yourself than you think you can achieve. Often, you'll find that you were capable of more than you thought.

But today I woke up and it all clicked. I realized that none of the above thinking is what's being challenged here. What is being challenged are the notions of A) Expecting to get exactly what you aim for in your exact timetable, B) Striving to achieve things out of a desperate need to receive external approval, C) Trying to achieve things that others want for you but that you don't necessarily want for yourself, and D) Telling yourself you're not (insert adjective here) enough when you “fail” (i.e. get an outcome other than the one you were aiming for).

So it's not at all about slacking off, being careless, or being complacent. It's about allowing the world and the people in it to be imperfect, and allowing yourself to approach your goals in increments, and allowing yourself to pursue them unburdened by fear or the need for external validation.

I've noticed that, overall, the program is largely about challenging our assumptions, too. We assume that we must cling to control in order to have control, when the opposite is closer to the truth – more control comes when you start to let go of control. More approval and admiration comes when you stop trying so hard to get it.

Anyone else seeing a pattern here? Maybe that's a universal law for us all to ultimately grasp:

More tends to come when you start demanding less.

[Guest]

Hi there,

great post, I think your thought process is correct in my eyes- I have a book called "getting what you want and wanting what you have" that makes sense to me too- I believe it isnt just lowering it is being realistic and opening your train of thinking into being optimistic and less dispointments follow that way- when you can look at the momment and be satisfied with whatever that momment brings then that is the key is expectations. I think to me expectations translate into satisfaction- does that make sense?

Great relization! keep up the good work and please feel free to PM discussion if ever needed

[Guest]

also along this train of thought- when you can accept whatever the momment brings you are not only being expectant of that momment you are opening your mind to the security of life- the security that life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of your reaction- you are beating the game