i have a feeling.....

ChangingTimes07 · Post by **ChangingTimes07** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 6:36 pm

that I just went through one of the lessons taught in the lesson 4 tape.....about the whole the world gives u crap and the whole "whyu me" thing because thats how im feeling tonight. People were being asses at work and pulling the DUMBEST CRAP.....I can do well in not taking it personally by not thinking that there was something about ME that made them act that way but....

Ive recently come to the fact that i am a failure if i dont get ppl to respect me enough. i feel like hey i didnt sign up for this BS....where is this all coming from?????
i just need to vent and be EMOTIONAL instead of LOGICAL right now...........lol. Thanks for listening or reading lol.

~~ChangingTimes07

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jan 05, 2008 1:18 am

I can do well in not taking it personally by not thinking that there was something about ME that made them act that way but....

C T 07- I have come to the conclusion that some people are just dense, ignorant, arrogant or just plain rude and I cannot take that personally. It is not you and it is not me. Some people are just how they are, just like me. Some people do not like me either and that is plain A OK.

Ive recently come to the fact that i am a failure if i dont get ppl to respect me enough

First I came to realize at the age of 19 in the Air Force that respect is NOT demanded or expected, it is earned. And yes even your hard efforts in this can be overlooked. Some people do not respect one another. We have a cop friend that showed up at a home that the grandfather was having a heart attack. You think the family would be at his side, concerned and comforting the heart attack victim...NO! They were just sitting around the TV set watching their show, eating their dinner and just pointed my cop friend to where the victim lied. The guy ended up dying as my friend tried to help. Times are different. I saw a woman fall in the parking lot here and NO ONE (but me) went to her side. There were ALOT of people around, but no one came. Yes it is sad. I also managed a restaurant and had a crew under me. Most people were very dependable and punctual, others did as they please. I first took it personally because I really was a great boss, at least that is what everyone was saying. So I was hurt. But then again, I had to realize that all do not see the same as me in responsibility, being prompt and punch in on time, put in extra hours, do jobs out of my normal realm. Some people did, others did not. I can't change the way they are. It was not me, it was them. Some people just have an anal/cranial inversion others just do not have the morals, values or work ethic that WE have as our expectations. I used to think why me when kitchen personnel or delivery drivers did not show, but it was not ME it was their work ethic and life priorities. I had priorities too... I had to let those people go. Good Luck!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 06, 2008 2:28 pm

anal cranial inversion!! LOL!!!!!!! thanks , that made me laugh.....i needed that.....

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jan 07, 2008 1:35 pm

Hi there! Im working on week 4 as well. I have to say that for most of my life, I've gotten so damn disgusted with people and why the hell they do the things they do! I would get into a tizzy and just let these things get to me. I've finally figured out that people are just people, and yes the anal/cranial thing, I agree with that! What I've learned to do, and it wasn't easy, and it's taken years of practice is to learn how to distance myself, and lower my expectations....with in reason! And another thing, letting other's people's problems or idiosyncracies drive you up the way is NOTHING BUT AN ENERGY DRAIN! A big part of my anxiety and depression over the years was ME obessing over other's, what they were or weren't doing right, how they made me mad, etc., until I finally realized, HEY I don't have to put up with that anymore!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jan 07, 2008 2:04 pm

I have come to the conclusion that while a lot of people are amazing, there is a majority that just plain....suck, for lack of a better word. I understand where everyone in this thread is coming from. I am learning and am also better at letting other peoples negativity go, but it is an extremely difficult skill to not only learn but put to use. It is possible, though sometimes you just need to vent.

We don't have to put up with it. With learning how to be assertive instead of aggressive through the program & also letting a lot of issues slide I am feeling much better.

I also try to tell myself that I do not know what these people are going through in their lives, and that if they learned these skills through the program they would most likely react/act differently. Not everyone has been as lucky to stumble upon this program as we have been.

Maybe we should recommend it to them! LOL.

Take care.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jan 07, 2008 4:50 pm

I get where you are coming from. I just started a new job (I'm a teacher) at a small charter school where my failures are huge as well as my triumphs. This school really has been stressful for everyone, but especially me with my insecurities. In fact, I really had some crises at this place more than before.

I got a student teacher that made my life hell and has tried to get me into trouble with administration. I vented to her and opened myself up even after she tried to get me into trouble-three times! I did what Lucinda did-tried to get people to like me who don't. This time, they believed her (so I did complain, but the other times she made it up). Now, OK I don't hate myself (big step!) because I know I was just upset-and rightly so (They made me work with this woman even as she mistreated the students and me!).

So, I forgive myself, but realize, that yes, we, as Dr. Phil says, teach people how to treat us. If we allow them to be mean to us by being friendly and trusting to them when they are hostile (wrong expectation)then we get the bad stuff. I guess I need to assume that people behave badly all the time and unfortunately people are also too quick to judge (like my administrator) so best to just shut the trap and vent to ourselves, not co workers!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 08, 2008 3:09 pm

We can only control our reactions to other people. I chose to laugh at them (not to their face, of course).

My brother, who also has depression/anxiety and just doesn't realize it yet, called the other day to complain about the Christmas gift I bought his two boys. He left a message saying that he thought it was a bunch of junk!

The problem is his. He couldn't figure out how to build something with a carpentry set meant for boys ages 8 and older. I could have become upset with him. Instead I laughed about what a moron he is. I did call him back and offered the gift receipt. He never called me back. Thanks be to God!

Debbie