Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part4
Posted: Thu Dec 05, 2013 1:01 pm
Here are more of my Shoulds. Some of them are so crazy that I would not have thought I believed them if someone had asked me, because part of my brain knows they are not sensible.
But I HAVE been believing these shoulds!
• I should do well at everything
(Holy Smokes!!)
• I should not fail
• Things should be fair
• I should be thought well of by everyone
• I should also be attractive to everyone
(Well I know that there are people I'm not attracted to but I still value them. And I know that there are guys that are good-looking but not in a way that is particularly attractive to me. But I still think I should be attractive to everyone? And there's no real point to me to be attractive to EVERYONE - it's totally a pride thing. And an unneeded pressure!)
• I should be more outgoing and have people over a lot more
And here's a big one for me:
• I should be someone with a natural inner joy and optimistic nature
First, I am assuming that inner joy comes naturally. Perhaps to some it does. Upon further thought I have to wonder whether inner joy is something people come to through various realizations and practices.
Second, I am just not a born optimist. I'm a born pessimist. (Again, like my Dad).
And here I am 'shoulding myself' about being an extreme optimist. It would be nice for me to have a perennially sunny outlook on life and I've been feeling I'd be so much of a better person if that was the case.
When I do this I am dismissing the good qualities that pessimists bring to the table. I think now it is not actually true that optimism = good and pessimism = bad.
Also, I am making it an all-or-nothing sort of situation...I must be an optimist not a pessimist. I can improve my thought patterns and learn better ways of being in this world but I don't need to try and overhaul my entire nature - I don't even think that would work!
It is perfectly fine for me to be a pessimist who also knows how to think positively!
But I HAVE been believing these shoulds!
• I should do well at everything
(Holy Smokes!!)
• I should not fail
• Things should be fair
• I should be thought well of by everyone
• I should also be attractive to everyone
(Well I know that there are people I'm not attracted to but I still value them. And I know that there are guys that are good-looking but not in a way that is particularly attractive to me. But I still think I should be attractive to everyone? And there's no real point to me to be attractive to EVERYONE - it's totally a pride thing. And an unneeded pressure!)
• I should be more outgoing and have people over a lot more
And here's a big one for me:
• I should be someone with a natural inner joy and optimistic nature
First, I am assuming that inner joy comes naturally. Perhaps to some it does. Upon further thought I have to wonder whether inner joy is something people come to through various realizations and practices.
Second, I am just not a born optimist. I'm a born pessimist. (Again, like my Dad).
And here I am 'shoulding myself' about being an extreme optimist. It would be nice for me to have a perennially sunny outlook on life and I've been feeling I'd be so much of a better person if that was the case.
When I do this I am dismissing the good qualities that pessimists bring to the table. I think now it is not actually true that optimism = good and pessimism = bad.
Also, I am making it an all-or-nothing sort of situation...I must be an optimist not a pessimist. I can improve my thought patterns and learn better ways of being in this world but I don't need to try and overhaul my entire nature - I don't even think that would work!
It is perfectly fine for me to be a pessimist who also knows how to think positively!