Stress Center Peer Support

I was writing yesterday and I came to the my big fear. I am afraid of facing myself or my dark as I call it. I fear that my darkness is an all consuming pit. That I am evil to my core and that I will disappear if I try to face it.

This has been my fear for so long and I never understood it. I just knew that it was scary and I needed to avoid it, so I wouldn't feel anxious. Anything that felt similiar to anxiety I avoided. I cannot feel spontaneity, excitement, or love. I do not except my emotions, but function while ignoring them. My anxiety consumed my life for 17 years. I have only been alive for 20 years. This is the only way I know. The last two years I pretended it didn't exist. Now I am feeling like I did before I made so many positive changes in my life. I changed my actions two years ago, but my emotions stayed the same. My fears were the same.

Hi Krissy - I am feeling some of what you do. I think it is because we have been suffering for so long that we have learned to turn off a lot of our emotions. It scares me sometimes too that I am a bad person. We are so wrapped up in our own feelings that it is difficult to be compassionate to others. I am to the point where I don't enjoy any aspect of my life...I don't even know what I enjoy anymore...what I like to do...it is difficult. But hopefully in time with this program we will both be able to fell emotions again.

I hope for results as well. Good luck and may God guide each step we take.

God bless,
Kristina