Co-Dependency

[LyndaLu]

Here is something I read recently about Low Self-Esteem Patterns.

Codependence:
I have difficulty making decisions.
Recovery:
I trust my ability to make effective decisions.

Codependence:
I judge everything I think, say, or do harshly, as never "good enough".
Recovery:
I accept myself as I am. I emphasize progress over perfection.

Codependence:
I am embarrassed to receive recognition, praise, or gifts.
Recovery:
I feel appropriately worthy of the recognition, praise or gifts I receive.

Codependence:
I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
Recovery:
I meet my own needs and wants when possible. I reach out for help when it's
necessary and appropriate.

Codependence:
I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings, and behavior over my own.
Recovery:
I have confidence in myself. I no longer seek others' approval of my thoughts,
feelings and behavior.

Codependence:
I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.
Recovery:
I recognize myself as being a lovable and valuable person.



Characteristics of the codependent person include:

Perfectionism-having unrealistically high expectations of oneself
and others, often resulting in over-achievement or inadequacy.

Martyrdom-the sacrifice of one's own needs to meet the needs of others.

Fusion-the loss of one's own identity in intimate relationships.

Intrusion-this is the control of others' behaviors through
caretaking, guilt and manipulation.

Addiction-the use of compulsive behaviors for emotional self-management.


LyndaLu

[LyndaLu]

Characteristics of codependency :


* Caretaking.
* Need to always be right.
* Loss of self-care.
* Lack of boundaries.
* Difficulty saying "no".
* Inability to trust.
* Don't share feelings, thoughts, beliefs.
* Fear of judgment, fear of rejection.
* Not knowing what our feelings or opinions are.
* Self-doubt
* Don't trust self.
* Deferring to others for decision making.
* Losing self ( identity, personality ) in relationships.
* Perfectionism.
* Comparison to others.
* Shame.

[Mary B.]

Great stuff!! Thanks for sharing. Very thought provoking and insightful.

[LyndaLu]

PS: A lot of the information that I have been writing about recently on this site
has come from recent workshops and classes and support groups that I have been attending.
I have received many hand-outs from these classes and I keep all of them, so that I can
re-read them as needed. I wish that I could write so well, but I can't.
LyndaLu

[LyndaLu]

Elements of passive behavior:
Passive behavior is not expressing your feelings, needs, rights and opinions.
Instead there is an over-consideration for other's feelings, needs, rights
and opinions. The aim of passive behavior is to avoid conflict at all times and
to please others.

Elements of aggressive behavior:
Aggression is the opposite of assertion. Aggression is expressing your own
feelings, needs, rights and opinions with no respect for other people's feelings,
needs, rights and opinions. The aim of aggression is to win, if necessary
at the expense of others.

Elements of assertive behavior:
Assertiveness is being able to stand up for yourself, making sure your
opinions and feelings are considered and not letting other people always
get their way. In contrast to aggression and passivity, assertion is expressing
your own feelings, needs, rights and opinions while maintaining respect for
other people's feelings, needs, rights and opinions. You can be assertive
without being forceful or rude.

LL