I realized something also while thinking about this lesson, it was an insight actually...as anxiety/depression sufferers we often confide in others in order to feel better and one of the things I was afraid of with all the other run throughs of the program is that If I can make myself feel better then I wouldn't get that attention from others...I wouldn't get that support and caring but really I'm not actually getting that right now from others but if I can learn to give that to myself then I can get that soothing and comforting feeling at any time I want!!! Plus I may actually get support and comfort from others from time to time as well and it won't feel empty the way it does at times.....So that fear that I'd have to give up on that from others, I'd actually get it from myself and from others and it feel really good! I'm definately excited about that!! Its kind of like with this song but instead of it being directed towards another person, we direct it towards ourselves; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKC8-Uwv17M
Also I was reading the lesson 3 section of the book and it mentioned about exposing yourself to failure and I have 2 of my own examples and the responses I had feared I'd get and the responses I actually got.
I was doing karaoke and I was soooooo nervous that i'd mess up in the middle of the song and it was the first time I was singing in this one bar and so I got up there and I had picked a song that I had practiced alot at home....I think the version I was singing at the bar was different and I actually had some anxiety thoughts while I was up there and I got so flustered that I actually froze midway through the song....I was terrified that people would criticize me but nobody said a single thing about it, most didn't even seem to notice but when I finished, everybody clapped for me and I even got some comments about how good I did.
Another time (and this is kind of funny), I had spilled wine on a library book and I took it in and I felt bad and wanted to take responsibility and so I talked to the person in charge at the library and I was so afraid that I'd say the wrong thing or wouldn't be able to vocalize the thoughts that were in my head....so I told her that I spilled wine on the book and I ment to say that I didn't do it on purpose and instead what came out was "I did it on purpose" and immediately I said no thats not what I ment! it was funny though because that was the last thing I wanted to say. anyways, I appologized and she was actually really understandable and we dealt with the situation in a way that worked out best for both of us.
I decided to start doing the thought replacement and I wrote out 8 negative thoughts and replaced them and I definately feel better....I remember when Carolyn Dickman was on the forums and she had suggested to do 5 a day as a suggestion in order to build up the skill and have some kind of consistency without going too far and spending your whole waking hours trying to replace thoughts (I've tried that by the way and I don't recommend it!)
So here are 2 thought replacements and I'm thinking I may keep posting these on a regular basis to help others figure out how to make their own statements.
1)I can't change the way I think, its just too hard.
Cognitive distortion; Magnification
->It seems really hard and it might be a struggle from time to time but I don't have to do it
all at once, I just need to practice a bit everyday and with time I'll get better and better at it
just like any other skill.
2) What-if I get better and then I get into situatinos where alot more responsibility and
stress is put on me and I can't handle it?
Cognitive Distortion; Fortune telling
I get to choose what I do and as I continue to grow, I'll be more able to tolerate stress and
I'll be more clear minded and better able to solve problems that come my way and more open to solutions and also most situations in life are not as serious as they might seem to be. The more
positive I become, the more likely I am to succeed and even if I don't succeed, I'll still be ok and
other opportunities will open up for me.
Mike
Empowering Group Program Run-through part3
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Ninjafrodo2
- Posts: 234
- Joined: Sat Oct 19, 2013 11:05 am
Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part3
Hi All,
Finally I'm on the forums! I've been reading your posts and have appreciated your thoughts.
I figure it makes more sense to post my introduction here rather than go back to Week 1 for it.
I'm a mom in my 20s - I deal with panic attacks, which I first got at age 18. Unfortunately I didn't know how to handle it and I let my world get very small as I avoided situations that triggered panic attacks.
One (or two?) of you mentioned being area-bound I think?
Probably my biggest challenges arising from the Panic Disorder are being area-bound and having lost/given up a great deal of independence.
For me being area bound works on two levels... Area of comfort when I'm out and about alone and area of comfort when I'm with someone else.
If I can walk there I do it alone - if it's farther I typically get a ride from someone instead of taking the bus. (Once in a blue moon I'll take the bus or taxi).
When I'm with someone I have a 'radius' of a few hours distance from home.
I'm pleased to say that after effort and persistence many of the basic things that I'd get highly anxious over and avoid are now things I can do with ease most, or all, of the time. ...shopping by myself, being at studies or events etc across town by myself (my husband drops me off though). So now I am used to doing many things alone but travel is still an issue I need to tackle. (My first panic attack happened on a bus on the way home from school so I'm sure that's had an effect).
In working on handling the anxiety and panic it's been important for me to learn a balance between pushing myself too hard and letting myself off too easy.
And of course it's also been important to see where a lot of it is coming from.
Lesson 1 has made me pay attention to negative thinking, unrealistic expectations and 'what if' thinking - which I seem to do A LOT! My husband said to me recently that it is like there are 10 other me's (imaginary of course), all of whom have bad things happen to them or have 'fallen short' in some way and I seem to pay as much attention to them as I do to the actual me and my actual situation!
I get distracted by my fears from the what-ifs... It's that over-active imagination. It's along the lines of something said in Lesson 1, that creative energy turned inward (with the negativity and what-ifs) can make a person make themselves sick!
Many useful ideas and insights so far, both from the program and from you guys.
Looking forward to chatting
Finally I'm on the forums! I've been reading your posts and have appreciated your thoughts.
I figure it makes more sense to post my introduction here rather than go back to Week 1 for it.
I'm a mom in my 20s - I deal with panic attacks, which I first got at age 18. Unfortunately I didn't know how to handle it and I let my world get very small as I avoided situations that triggered panic attacks.
One (or two?) of you mentioned being area-bound I think?
Probably my biggest challenges arising from the Panic Disorder are being area-bound and having lost/given up a great deal of independence.
For me being area bound works on two levels... Area of comfort when I'm out and about alone and area of comfort when I'm with someone else.
If I can walk there I do it alone - if it's farther I typically get a ride from someone instead of taking the bus. (Once in a blue moon I'll take the bus or taxi).
When I'm with someone I have a 'radius' of a few hours distance from home.
I'm pleased to say that after effort and persistence many of the basic things that I'd get highly anxious over and avoid are now things I can do with ease most, or all, of the time. ...shopping by myself, being at studies or events etc across town by myself (my husband drops me off though). So now I am used to doing many things alone but travel is still an issue I need to tackle. (My first panic attack happened on a bus on the way home from school so I'm sure that's had an effect).
In working on handling the anxiety and panic it's been important for me to learn a balance between pushing myself too hard and letting myself off too easy.
And of course it's also been important to see where a lot of it is coming from.
Lesson 1 has made me pay attention to negative thinking, unrealistic expectations and 'what if' thinking - which I seem to do A LOT! My husband said to me recently that it is like there are 10 other me's (imaginary of course), all of whom have bad things happen to them or have 'fallen short' in some way and I seem to pay as much attention to them as I do to the actual me and my actual situation!
I get distracted by my fears from the what-ifs... It's that over-active imagination. It's along the lines of something said in Lesson 1, that creative energy turned inward (with the negativity and what-ifs) can make a person make themselves sick!
Many useful ideas and insights so far, both from the program and from you guys.
Looking forward to chatting
Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part3
NinjaFrodo, I enjoyed your most recent post.
One of the things I really respect about you is the way you keep getting yourself out there in all sorts of situations and trying stuff out! I'm glad the karaoke ended up just fine!
Oh man! The library moment! Sometimes the most unfortunate things just come out of our mouths!
It was such a 'human moment' that it made me laugh really hard - in solidarity with you, not at you
And thanks for posting the thought replacement examples and directing us toward the Cognitive Distortions - very useful!
One of the things I really respect about you is the way you keep getting yourself out there in all sorts of situations and trying stuff out! I'm glad the karaoke ended up just fine!
Oh man! The library moment! Sometimes the most unfortunate things just come out of our mouths!
It was such a 'human moment' that it made me laugh really hard - in solidarity with you, not at you
And thanks for posting the thought replacement examples and directing us toward the Cognitive Distortions - very useful!
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forever young 06
- Posts: 284
- Joined: Sun Jun 25, 2006 5:19 pm
Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part3
Good that you have made it on the website maple lane. I am the one who said I was area bound. This is my worst problems but I am having trouble with heath anxiety that had been not bothering me for yrs. I think due to my meds working to help me. I know it is not good to totally depend on meds but they did help a lot but I never faced my true fears and they still remain. I am hoping to do that this time around. THH sorry about your day yesterday today is a new day and we need to put yesterday behind us. I am having trouble listening to lesson 3 tape all the way thru. I need to keep trying wow I wished I didn't always have distractions but need to work through them. I have listened to the relaxtion tape and need to start the lesson tape again. I am having trouble catching my negative thoughts. I feel like at least I can make some positive statements and maybe I will believe them. I also need to exercise more. I will keep trying I want my life back.
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Ninjafrodo2
- Posts: 234
- Joined: Sat Oct 19, 2013 11:05 am
Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part3
Ah MapleLane you finally got the chance to join us
Maple Lane is the friend of mine that I had mentioned was going to join us.
By the way you have made alot of progress over the last year to a year and a half with the thought replacement you've been doing and you've done many exposure type situations with your anxiety too and have gotten through them well. Oh and I too am still working out that balance between pushing too hard and not trying enough, it takes a bit to figure that out and i'm glad you like the thought replacements.
ForeverYoung
You aren't alone in having trouble catching negative thoughts, I am struggling with this as well, but like any new skill it is really challenging at the beginning and we don't likely do well when we first start but gradually get better and better...there was one point in our lives where getting food into our mouths instead of everywhere else was a struggle but look at us now, it hardly ever misses! I'll post something about replacement statements for everybody that you could use.
Mike
Maple Lane is the friend of mine that I had mentioned was going to join us.
By the way you have made alot of progress over the last year to a year and a half with the thought replacement you've been doing and you've done many exposure type situations with your anxiety too and have gotten through them well. Oh and I too am still working out that balance between pushing too hard and not trying enough, it takes a bit to figure that out and i'm glad you like the thought replacements.
ForeverYoung
You aren't alone in having trouble catching negative thoughts, I am struggling with this as well, but like any new skill it is really challenging at the beginning and we don't likely do well when we first start but gradually get better and better...there was one point in our lives where getting food into our mouths instead of everywhere else was a struggle but look at us now, it hardly ever misses! I'll post something about replacement statements for everybody that you could use.
Mike
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Ninjafrodo2
- Posts: 234
- Joined: Sat Oct 19, 2013 11:05 am
Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part3
I know that thought replacement is a challenging thing and I think it would be a great idea to talk about this as a group. I'd like it if we could talk about the strategies or things that we find useful that we can share with each other or if you can think of someone who has comforted you in the past, what did they say that worked?
What I'm finding useful is to give awareness and acceptance to my struggles and then some reassurance that I can grow from there and I can improve.
ie. Yes I do have a hard time with being social right now, it is a challenge for me but as I continue to work on my skills and work on my ability to comfort myself and calm myself down, I'll be more and more likely able to handle social situations and even enjoy them.
I have found from my own experience that healing involves giving compassion to suffering and alot of that is really about giving awareness to it and then awareness to the possibility of something greater.
Anybody else want to add to this?
Mike
What I'm finding useful is to give awareness and acceptance to my struggles and then some reassurance that I can grow from there and I can improve.
ie. Yes I do have a hard time with being social right now, it is a challenge for me but as I continue to work on my skills and work on my ability to comfort myself and calm myself down, I'll be more and more likely able to handle social situations and even enjoy them.
I have found from my own experience that healing involves giving compassion to suffering and alot of that is really about giving awareness to it and then awareness to the possibility of something greater.
Anybody else want to add to this?
Mike
Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part3
Good day~
I wrote a post earlier today and my computer shut down. Dang I hate when that happens.
Better day today, feeling more calm. Did my relax tape today and will look at the book tonight. Mike I think it is a great idea to do the negative and then the positive. I wish we had the humor lesson about now to break up all this hard stuff!
Yesterday I was very tense, and felt stress. I could not pin point exactly why. I just kept watching my thoughts and not allowing my self to feel for anxiety, body symptoms. I did not feel like I was afraid of a panic attack but wanted to release all the stress. I did some self talk reassuring myself I was okay and it helped but I stayed tense for much of the day.
In rescheduling my apt. I was already stressed and they ask you questions and I am trying to move forward and I don't want to talk about how everything is feeling? I feel great if I don't talk to you. You ask me these questions and then I feel for what might hurt and then I feel like something is wrong. Then they say things like maybe you better come in and have the doctor check it. In the past I would say ok and stress about what they might find. Go in and the doctor says everything is great. It is the girls there must not understand people with anxiety. They scare me by being overly concerned.
Instead I should (lol) have enough confidence that I am okay, never felt better. That would be great, but I buckle and fall for it all the time. I'm going to do better with this.
Mike,
I would love to post those cards soon as I find them. I love the idea too practicing negative / positive that could be helpful.
I'm going to use your statements and give another positive response.
1. I can't change the way I think, its just too hard.
Positive: I can change the way I think, it is going to take time.
2. What if I get better and then I get into situations where a lot more responsibility and stress is put on me and I can't handle it?
Positive: What if I don't see this as stressful or have anxiety anymore?
I'll think of a couple too.
MapleLane,
Glad you made it~ It sounds like you have done a lot of work already! Good for you. I do have some driving issues too. Mine is not as much in some ways, but I will panic with freeway construction or freeway bridges, fast traffic. Locally I'm good. I have health anxiety, dental phobias and at times general anxiety. It is a fine balance between pushing too hard and not enough.
It is nice that you are working on this and will be fun to learn with you.
Forever Young,
Take your time. There is no race. I know though how it is when you want to do something for yourself and all the distractions start. Also your not alone catching negative thoughts. I too have trouble with this one. I think, your not going to catch them all, but I try to wonder what I was thinking before I start feeling stress. It is nice when you do, but sometimes I can't back track it. I also have trouble making a positive statement when I do a negative thought. This lesson is good. It is nice we have each other for this help. At home alone- we just might skip this lesson...
I wrote a post earlier today and my computer shut down. Dang I hate when that happens.
Better day today, feeling more calm. Did my relax tape today and will look at the book tonight. Mike I think it is a great idea to do the negative and then the positive. I wish we had the humor lesson about now to break up all this hard stuff!
Yesterday I was very tense, and felt stress. I could not pin point exactly why. I just kept watching my thoughts and not allowing my self to feel for anxiety, body symptoms. I did not feel like I was afraid of a panic attack but wanted to release all the stress. I did some self talk reassuring myself I was okay and it helped but I stayed tense for much of the day.
In rescheduling my apt. I was already stressed and they ask you questions and I am trying to move forward and I don't want to talk about how everything is feeling? I feel great if I don't talk to you. You ask me these questions and then I feel for what might hurt and then I feel like something is wrong. Then they say things like maybe you better come in and have the doctor check it. In the past I would say ok and stress about what they might find. Go in and the doctor says everything is great. It is the girls there must not understand people with anxiety. They scare me by being overly concerned.
Instead I should (lol) have enough confidence that I am okay, never felt better. That would be great, but I buckle and fall for it all the time. I'm going to do better with this.
Mike,
I would love to post those cards soon as I find them. I love the idea too practicing negative / positive that could be helpful.
I'm going to use your statements and give another positive response.
1. I can't change the way I think, its just too hard.
Positive: I can change the way I think, it is going to take time.
2. What if I get better and then I get into situations where a lot more responsibility and stress is put on me and I can't handle it?
Positive: What if I don't see this as stressful or have anxiety anymore?
I'll think of a couple too.
MapleLane,
Glad you made it~ It sounds like you have done a lot of work already! Good for you. I do have some driving issues too. Mine is not as much in some ways, but I will panic with freeway construction or freeway bridges, fast traffic. Locally I'm good. I have health anxiety, dental phobias and at times general anxiety. It is a fine balance between pushing too hard and not enough.
It is nice that you are working on this and will be fun to learn with you.
Forever Young,
Take your time. There is no race. I know though how it is when you want to do something for yourself and all the distractions start. Also your not alone catching negative thoughts. I too have trouble with this one. I think, your not going to catch them all, but I try to wonder what I was thinking before I start feeling stress. It is nice when you do, but sometimes I can't back track it. I also have trouble making a positive statement when I do a negative thought. This lesson is good. It is nice we have each other for this help. At home alone- we just might skip this lesson...
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Ninjafrodo2
- Posts: 234
- Joined: Sat Oct 19, 2013 11:05 am
Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part3
ForeverYoung; (And MapleLane as well)
I was feeling concerned about your struggling when I read your last post and I wanted to try to help you out, I didn't know what exactly to say in order to comfort you, support you or give you something that would motivate you as I do know you are having a hard time with catching the negative thoughts but as I was doing some mindfulness meditation it came to me.
What came to me was I was reminded of when I first started the program and had the same problem. Actually when I was writing out thoughts to replace they weren't completely accurate with how I was thinking and feeling because I wasn't really in touch with that part of myself and so it didn't feel completely satisfying but despite that I was able to make changes and feel alot better and I did make some permenant changes (ie I stopped name calling, I stopped blowing up at people and was less depressed, more hopeful and motivated). I also was still developing the skills to replace thoughts.
I also wanted to mention that in the tapes, Ken didn't even know how to answer the homework and had to tell himself "thoughts only thoughts" when he was feeling negative and Carolyn had a thought but her replacement thought wasn't comforting at all and was more pressure...the point i'm trying to make is that they were at the same position and yet they still grew to be where they are (doing commercials and interviews for Stress center for example). We can reach that position too
I also want to mention that MapleLane is someone that I introduced CBT to and she ended up getting a book on CBT instead of the program and first and she's doing alot better with situations now actually if she doesn't mind, I'd be interested to hear how she was in the beginning with it..MapleLane do you mind commenting on this?
Mike
I was feeling concerned about your struggling when I read your last post and I wanted to try to help you out, I didn't know what exactly to say in order to comfort you, support you or give you something that would motivate you as I do know you are having a hard time with catching the negative thoughts but as I was doing some mindfulness meditation it came to me.
What came to me was I was reminded of when I first started the program and had the same problem. Actually when I was writing out thoughts to replace they weren't completely accurate with how I was thinking and feeling because I wasn't really in touch with that part of myself and so it didn't feel completely satisfying but despite that I was able to make changes and feel alot better and I did make some permenant changes (ie I stopped name calling, I stopped blowing up at people and was less depressed, more hopeful and motivated). I also was still developing the skills to replace thoughts.
I also wanted to mention that in the tapes, Ken didn't even know how to answer the homework and had to tell himself "thoughts only thoughts" when he was feeling negative and Carolyn had a thought but her replacement thought wasn't comforting at all and was more pressure...the point i'm trying to make is that they were at the same position and yet they still grew to be where they are (doing commercials and interviews for Stress center for example). We can reach that position too
I also want to mention that MapleLane is someone that I introduced CBT to and she ended up getting a book on CBT instead of the program and first and she's doing alot better with situations now actually if she doesn't mind, I'd be interested to hear how she was in the beginning with it..MapleLane do you mind commenting on this?
Mike
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Ninjafrodo2
- Posts: 234
- Joined: Sat Oct 19, 2013 11:05 am
Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part3
THH;
I wonder if the girls at the doctor's offices do that on purpose in order to encourage people to come in and spend money.
And also you are not alone in feeling tense and stressed lately, I've been feeling it alot too but I think it makes sense not only because both of us had stressful situations come up but also because we are really starting to take a hard look at the anxiety when normally we try to run away from it to a degree. I think it is just bound to happen at this point in time, but good thing we have the relaxation cd to help reduce that and I don't know about you but I do have a few things that sooth me as well like tv shows and pictures and music.
Those are good starts to replacing thoughts, I especially like the 2nd one you gave. I was doing some more thought replacements today and I actually realized something, I'm not really concerned that it is hard, or that it is stressful...I'm more concerned that it will produce anxiety and I didn't really see that until now. I don't think I made it a complete thought before but it definately makes it easier to replace when it is.
Thought replacements;
1)I'm not catching enough negative thoughts for me to recover. I'm not going to get better
->All-or-Nothing
I am catching some thoughts but its not possible for me to catch and replace every thought that comes up in a day, thats not realistic. I only need to catch and replace a few thoughts a day in order to become skilled at it and in order to heal and achieve my goals.
2)I'm such a horrible person that nobody wants to be around me, I've pushed away so many people.
->Label, Overgeneralization
I've percieved myself as horrible because of how some people have left me but its not true that everybody has. I am also not that same person I was before and I'm becoming an even better person with many great personality traits and characteristics that people look for in others.
All;
I also just wanted to say something...I wrote out a bunch of thoughts but I only replaced a few today and those were the ones that created the strongest feelings in me...I am finding that even though I'm not replacing all the thoughts, I get alot of benefit from even writing out what the thought is.
I'm also feeling like i'm fighting between being in a negative state and a really calming state...I was so afraid of being in the present moment because of the thoughts and feelings that come up and I still go through that but when I am able to be in the present moment, I get amazed at things I never really noticed before....I went swimming the other day and I really enjoyed looking at the bubbles that were in the water as I was swimming along....and also when I was spooning out some honey for my tea, I saw some more bubbles and I thought it was cool and i thought it was cool to see how the honey landed in the bottom of the pot of water as it fell off the spoon...it made a cool design.
Mike
I wonder if the girls at the doctor's offices do that on purpose in order to encourage people to come in and spend money.
And also you are not alone in feeling tense and stressed lately, I've been feeling it alot too but I think it makes sense not only because both of us had stressful situations come up but also because we are really starting to take a hard look at the anxiety when normally we try to run away from it to a degree. I think it is just bound to happen at this point in time, but good thing we have the relaxation cd to help reduce that and I don't know about you but I do have a few things that sooth me as well like tv shows and pictures and music.
Those are good starts to replacing thoughts, I especially like the 2nd one you gave. I was doing some more thought replacements today and I actually realized something, I'm not really concerned that it is hard, or that it is stressful...I'm more concerned that it will produce anxiety and I didn't really see that until now. I don't think I made it a complete thought before but it definately makes it easier to replace when it is.
Thought replacements;
1)I'm not catching enough negative thoughts for me to recover. I'm not going to get better
->All-or-Nothing
I am catching some thoughts but its not possible for me to catch and replace every thought that comes up in a day, thats not realistic. I only need to catch and replace a few thoughts a day in order to become skilled at it and in order to heal and achieve my goals.
2)I'm such a horrible person that nobody wants to be around me, I've pushed away so many people.
->Label, Overgeneralization
I've percieved myself as horrible because of how some people have left me but its not true that everybody has. I am also not that same person I was before and I'm becoming an even better person with many great personality traits and characteristics that people look for in others.
All;
I also just wanted to say something...I wrote out a bunch of thoughts but I only replaced a few today and those were the ones that created the strongest feelings in me...I am finding that even though I'm not replacing all the thoughts, I get alot of benefit from even writing out what the thought is.
I'm also feeling like i'm fighting between being in a negative state and a really calming state...I was so afraid of being in the present moment because of the thoughts and feelings that come up and I still go through that but when I am able to be in the present moment, I get amazed at things I never really noticed before....I went swimming the other day and I really enjoyed looking at the bubbles that were in the water as I was swimming along....and also when I was spooning out some honey for my tea, I saw some more bubbles and I thought it was cool and i thought it was cool to see how the honey landed in the bottom of the pot of water as it fell off the spoon...it made a cool design.
Mike
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forever young 06
- Posts: 284
- Joined: Sun Jun 25, 2006 5:19 pm
Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part3
I am having trouble catching any negative thoughts its like I don't have any. I am on medication and it does change the way you feel I don't know. I think I will try to work on saying positive thoughts to my self. I am like Ken I think I will say thoughts only thoughts. I guess what ever works. I had been feeling a lot better but yesterday and this morning not so good. I didn't sleep well last night have been taking a nap everyday and maybe that is it. I woke up a t 1:00 am and never went back to sleep. this is going to make a very long day. I think that is feeding into how I feel. I am still having trouble with the health insurance web site. I need to learn to be able to work thru stress another note to stress. I need to work on the work book today as I didn't yesterday.
mike where were you swimming? are you in floridia ? I bet that would be fun. we are having such cold weather I don't get out much. just to take the dog out. I know I am staying in to much. I am going to try harder. That sounds like Carolyn, I miss her being on this website too. I am feeling sad about the ones that used to be on here. I would like to know how they are doing? I don't know why I feel the need to be in contact with people. does anyone else feel this way? when I have a set back I want to call people and talk to them. Like you guys its like I want to feel close to you and to know so much about you. well have a lot to work on today. hope you all have a good day.
mike where were you swimming? are you in floridia ? I bet that would be fun. we are having such cold weather I don't get out much. just to take the dog out. I know I am staying in to much. I am going to try harder. That sounds like Carolyn, I miss her being on this website too. I am feeling sad about the ones that used to be on here. I would like to know how they are doing? I don't know why I feel the need to be in contact with people. does anyone else feel this way? when I have a set back I want to call people and talk to them. Like you guys its like I want to feel close to you and to know so much about you. well have a lot to work on today. hope you all have a good day.