YogaYoga- I can relate! I was just wondering the same thing about myself...it has gotten way more focused on others. But, how I see it is, really the issue is seeing the negatives in others and not the positives and therefore continuing the 'addiction' to negative thinking- whatever or whoever the subject. It doesn't make me happy and soothed to think these things, so they are the thoughts I should replace. I usually re-interpret what I don't like, try to have compassion/empathy for them, and find something I do like about them.
I am not so sure about projection- I may be being too scientific here (its my field, so sometimes I can't help it : ) But it seems like its an idea, but not absolute truth or true all the time or even a highly studied area. Turning it back towards yourself and punishing yourself (in a way) for thinking it, is not productive. If it is for you and helps, than go for it, but if it doesn't, just don't feel like it must be projection and you must feel this way about yourself.
You are clearly a kind person or you would not worry about these thoughts and wanting to change them and posting here : )
Good luck.
How about my negative self talk about others around me?
Re: How about my negative self talk about others around me?
What exactly is projection and how does it work 
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mmwillie928
- Posts: 71
- Joined: Fri Feb 27, 2009 12:55 pm
Re: How about my negative self talk about others around me?
projection, i believe, is referring to when you, for example, see something negative in someone else, so you turn it around like you are seeing it in yourself, so you are taking the attention off the person and on to yourself.
for me, i think i would agree that just changing your thoughts around when you catch yourself doing it is better, just cause i would have the tendency to be down on myself by projecting it on me. but that is me, and if it works for someone else than good.
i also read a suggestion in a book that said, try to see all the others around you as being more enlightened than you. that way, whenever they are doing something that may irritate you, ask yourself, "what are they trying to teach me?". if someone is being slow, are they trying to teach you patience? if someone is getting angry with you, are they trying to remind you to not over react to them? etc. i found it to be insightful and thought i would throw it out there for anyone else who might.
for me, i think i would agree that just changing your thoughts around when you catch yourself doing it is better, just cause i would have the tendency to be down on myself by projecting it on me. but that is me, and if it works for someone else than good.
i also read a suggestion in a book that said, try to see all the others around you as being more enlightened than you. that way, whenever they are doing something that may irritate you, ask yourself, "what are they trying to teach me?". if someone is being slow, are they trying to teach you patience? if someone is getting angry with you, are they trying to remind you to not over react to them? etc. i found it to be insightful and thought i would throw it out there for anyone else who might.
Re: How about my negative self talk about others around me?
Well, I just spent every day for a week with my mother while she was in the hospital
and then when she got home from the hospital. She is usually a hard person for me to
be around. It is difficult to stay positive about myself while being with her.
I know that I did pretty well about my
negative self talk about others around me. The only time I felt irritated around her was when
my joints were hurting and I was tired.
I believe she really appreciated having me around
to help her, at least that is the way I felt. It was a good feeling too.
Some of my new skills are helping me deal with being around
her and not letting her help me feel bad about myself. I know I am
a good person and the more I think that way the more I will feel that way.
and then when she got home from the hospital. She is usually a hard person for me to
be around. It is difficult to stay positive about myself while being with her.
I know that I did pretty well about my
negative self talk about others around me. The only time I felt irritated around her was when
my joints were hurting and I was tired.
I believe she really appreciated having me around
to help her, at least that is the way I felt. It was a good feeling too.
Some of my new skills are helping me deal with being around
her and not letting her help me feel bad about myself. I know I am
a good person and the more I think that way the more I will feel that way.
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Iwillbebetter
- Posts: 484
- Joined: Sun Nov 27, 2011 8:35 am
- Location: Minnesota
Re: How about my negative self talk about others around me?
Lynda - just wanted to say GOOD FOR YOU!! and it's such a great feeling when you can start to see that you are changing and learning to deal with situations you before couldn't!! 
I am so glad to hear you were able to stay positive with your mother!! I know some can be so much harder than others. Keep up the good work!! you are deffinately headed in the right direction!!!
I am so glad to hear you were able to stay positive with your mother!! I know some can be so much harder than others. Keep up the good work!! you are deffinately headed in the right direction!!! "Only rainbows after rain, the sun will always come again, and it's a cirlce, circling around again it comes around again...."
Re: How about my negative self talk about others around me?
dear iwillbebetter: My mother actually made a joke today !
There IS some emotion in there somewhere !
L
There IS some emotion in there somewhere !
L
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Iwillbebetter
- Posts: 484
- Joined: Sun Nov 27, 2011 8:35 am
- Location: Minnesota
Re: How about my negative self talk about others around me?
Glad to hear!! Maybe some of your changing is rubbing off on her!!
Maybe some of your changing is rubbing off on her!! "Only rainbows after rain, the sun will always come again, and it's a cirlce, circling around again it comes around again...."
Re: How about my negative self talk about others around me?
From a book I am reading........
Techniques to Enhance Your Self-Esteem
Treat people differently
Instead of looking for the negative qualities in other people , tune in to the postive ones.
This will give you a more positive outlook on life.
It will make you feel much better about your friends and, ultimately, about yourself.
When you're supportive of others, you'll get back the same positive energy you put in.
Then people will want to be around you.
L
Techniques to Enhance Your Self-Esteem
Treat people differently
Instead of looking for the negative qualities in other people , tune in to the postive ones.
This will give you a more positive outlook on life.
It will make you feel much better about your friends and, ultimately, about yourself.
When you're supportive of others, you'll get back the same positive energy you put in.
Then people will want to be around you.
L
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Iwillbebetter
- Posts: 484
- Joined: Sun Nov 27, 2011 8:35 am
- Location: Minnesota
Re: How about my negative self talk about others around me?
That is a very good point!! It so easy to find the negatives, what's wrong with finding the positives!! And also putting yourself in others shoes. Before judging or what not, put yourself in that persons shoes. Trying to see things from others views with a open mind setting our views and judgements aside. We might find our views aren't always what we thought they were. Otherwise we will just have that much more knowledge.
It so easy to find the negatives, what's wrong with finding the positives!! And also putting yourself in others shoes. Before judging or what not, put yourself in that persons shoes. Trying to see things from others views with a open mind setting our views and judgements aside. We might find our views aren't always what we thought they were. Otherwise we will just have that much more knowledge."Only rainbows after rain, the sun will always come again, and it's a cirlce, circling around again it comes around again...."
Re: How about my negative self talk about others around me?
I am excited to see the this dialogue has been going on. I tried logging on like 6 times a while back and it would not let me in so I gave up... glad to see the conversation had continued.
I appreciate you for all your comments. I'm getting it at the perfect time. Because I've been doing quite a bit of project onto a new person living with me. My stepson moved in recently and wow have I been full-time judging him to the point where I'm driving myself nuts and as we all know if your driving yourself nuts your probably doing a good job of throwing up the energy onto the people around you... which I am... I'm getting them to be testy, nervous, CAREFUL, silent, overly talkative... all the stuff that doesn't make for a joy filled home.
Ya so that project thing works both ways... and it's kind of like emotional vomit, haha. If I'm in my head driving myself nuts and expecting them to lighten up in order for me to lighten up... I'm barking up the wrong tree. Weather or not I am being external-mean and nasty or internal-withdrawn, silently judgement and absent... it's both the same energy. And what I realized is I've over committed myself to projects to help him, my wife, my church, charities... and I've forgotten about me and my need to feel good...
So my work is now to cancel many commitments I have for this time of adjustment of having my stepson moving in... realign myself, get myself to feel soothed (exercise, massage, play, sex, touch, sun, positive self-talk, the good stuff) and by doing that I will not be emotionally vomiting on my family expecting them not to have vomit on themselves when I am around.
Time to RE-BALANCE my life... under commit and over deliver... Time to lighten up and feel soothed again.
I appreciate you for all your comments. I'm getting it at the perfect time. Because I've been doing quite a bit of project onto a new person living with me. My stepson moved in recently and wow have I been full-time judging him to the point where I'm driving myself nuts and as we all know if your driving yourself nuts your probably doing a good job of throwing up the energy onto the people around you... which I am... I'm getting them to be testy, nervous, CAREFUL, silent, overly talkative... all the stuff that doesn't make for a joy filled home.
Ya so that project thing works both ways... and it's kind of like emotional vomit, haha. If I'm in my head driving myself nuts and expecting them to lighten up in order for me to lighten up... I'm barking up the wrong tree. Weather or not I am being external-mean and nasty or internal-withdrawn, silently judgement and absent... it's both the same energy. And what I realized is I've over committed myself to projects to help him, my wife, my church, charities... and I've forgotten about me and my need to feel good...
So my work is now to cancel many commitments I have for this time of adjustment of having my stepson moving in... realign myself, get myself to feel soothed (exercise, massage, play, sex, touch, sun, positive self-talk, the good stuff) and by doing that I will not be emotionally vomiting on my family expecting them not to have vomit on themselves when I am around.
Time to RE-BALANCE my life... under commit and over deliver... Time to lighten up and feel soothed again.