why is it so hard to do positive dialogue?

newjourney · Post by **newjourney** » Thu Jan 19, 2012 11:47 pm

i have found this section really challenging. it's wierd.... i catch myself in a negative thought, and i think to myself that i should replace with positive dialogue... but strangely, sometimes it is so much easier to just go with the negative. it's almost like in some wierd way, i want to be negative, i want to make myself miserable. it is going to take huge amounts of self discipline for me to do this consistently. does anyone else have this experience? why is it so hard? what do i possibly have to gain by continuing to be negative???

Iwillbebetter · Post by **Iwillbebetter** » Fri Jan 20, 2012 7:56 am

Newjourney - this was/is EXTREMELY hard for me also!! First I will start with the "why is it so hard" I think because of how long we have been doing it. So long for many of us we don't even realize we are doing it!! Something you have become so use to, is not going to be so easy to change. We've been doing it for YEARS we aren't going to be able to change it in a day, week, etc... This was EXTREMELY hard for me to do. I first had to just stop the negative thought. That actually alone did wonders. When I realized I was having a negative thought I would just stop it, normally by singing happy happy joy joy to myself until it was completely gone. Now that I have gotten that down, now I am starting to work on replacing/changing them to positive. It's not that you "want" to be negative, you are just "use" to it, it's still comfortable to you!!

YOU CAN DO IT

newjourney · Post by **newjourney** » Fri Jan 20, 2012 2:10 pm

you are right. we have been doing it for years... and not even really aware of how often... until now.
i guess practice makes perfect. i will just have to continue to work and work on it.
i like your idea about "blocking" or stopping the negative thought. i can see where that alone could help.
then, just finding the self discipline to replace with a positive thought.... one that i can believe.

Iwillbebetter · Post by **Iwillbebetter** » Mon Jan 23, 2012 10:06 am

That's it, we just have to keep working at it!! The more we do the easier it will get!!

for me, after getting really good at "blocking" it has actually seemed easier to come up with believable positives. Where when I originally tried I just couldn't do it. If I did come up with a positive it was so far out there.... I think the more we go threw the program and work on things the easier that will get also. Just keep at it, you CAN do it!!

mia1280 · Post by **mia1280** » Mon Jan 30, 2012 3:21 pm

Hi - I am so glad I came across this post - I did the program years ago and it was amazing, I've since had a very stressful year and I haven't followed through with the program. Anyway I'm back in the anxiety again too. I've had good days and some rough ones, today being a rough one. Like you said I've had a day where no matter what good I think of the negative takes it over. I understand that it's hard but it's so frustrating when you want more than anything to feel like yourself and this takes over. I hope you're feeling better and I hope i'm feeling better soon too.
I'd love to hear if you've had any positive progress.

Thanks,
Mia

Iwillbebetter · Post by **Iwillbebetter** » Tue Jan 31, 2012 6:11 am

Mia,
I am in session 6 now, and I must say, although I do still have my "rough" days... seems like many sometimes, I am learning better how to handle them and even change them!

You just have to keep at it. Persisency and patience. Remember NEVER be hard on yourself, this is a "work in progress" and takes time!! We've spent how long this way... we've gotten pretty darn good at it. It's like and addictive bad habit, so it's going to take a lot of time/practice to change this!! If we are not patient with ourselves in this process we aren't going to get very far!!

I can say although I have my bad days, I am just starting to realize I am in control, just because I am having a bad moment, doesn't mean I have to let my next moment remain bad!! I can change my thoughts or even what I'm doing to help change the way I am feeling!! Even to just smile even if not happy helps to get you going in a positive direction.

LyndaLu · Post by **LyndaLu** » Sat Feb 18, 2012 7:54 pm

I have been such a "negative nancy" lately, I almost cannot stand to listen to my own thoughts !
I wish someone would do all of the hard work for me, especially on Session Three ! I am restarting
the program and I need it more than ever now. I guess my problem is that I don't have a support system
there to help me along the way, no friends or family to really cheer me on. After thinking about it, though,
I just realized that I have to be my own support person and I have to cheer myself on. I am my own safe
person, my own safe place. Why is this so difficult !

Lynda.

Iwillbebetter · Post by **Iwillbebetter** » Mon Feb 20, 2012 9:37 am

Lynda, I can relate to not having the support system, I have found this site to be helpful with the support aspect. And as you said it's time to start learning to be our own support. We have to learn to be the ones to pick ourselves up when we fall, we can't sit around and wait for someone else to help us up!!
The difficulty comes in the time we have spent getting ourselves where we are. We are so use to being this way, at first especially it almost seems un-natural.
When I first when threw session 3, it was very hard to replace the negative thoughts. I found first I had to just work at stopping them. So whenever they came I would repeat to myself "happy happy joy joy" until they were gone. Now that I have gotten pretty good at that it is becoming a little easier to replace them.

LyndaLu · Post by **LyndaLu** » Wed Feb 22, 2012 5:36 pm

What comes first, the worrying then the negative thought or does the negative thought come
first and then the worrying ? I have been worrying a lot lately about everything because I worry
about being out of work, I worry about my health, and I worry about money. I can't sleep at
night because of the racing thoughts in my mind. Why are some people so good at this writing
stuff, I never know what to say ! Lynda

mmwillie928 · Post by **mmwillie928** » Fri Mar 02, 2012 9:41 pm

hey Lynda,
you don't always have to have something to say. it is ok to just listen to others and learn from them. i can relate to how you feel, cause a lot of times i feel like "why do others get things and not me". i deal with feeling inadequate. but it is a lack of self esteem, nothing more. im sure you would be surprised at how many people have thought the same thing regarding you. we all have those kind of thoughts.
if i went off on a tangent about something you weren't talking about, i am sorry. i just thought i might be relating to where you are coming from.
if you are having difficulty with replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, i can totally relate to that too. i am getting better and better at it. i have been working on it for quite a while now, like a couple years i would say. in the beginning i definitely did a lot of positive statements that were way out there and maybe not believeable. but, if you just keep practicing at it, and listen to CD's and read work books, you will get better. the light will start coming on in your head and getting brighter and brighter.

Stress Center Peer Support

why is it so hard to do positive dialogue?

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