I think I'm getting it!!

[Iwillbebetter]

(also posting in triumphs )
quick back ground - my boyfriend works overnights. I stay home with kids - 3 days a week I go to work after putting them down for naps. My boyfriend is a driver, so if he is not driving someone he can just hang out at home..... I have always held on to this "jealousy" of this. He, very often, can just hang out with his friends (that he works with and things) they come over and play video games and things.
So my sister (whom I have some issues with but will work on) just got a new job that will be overnights. She starts tomorrow and needs to adjust her schedule. So she decided she wanted to hang out here last night since my boyfriend is up, instead of staying at her house where she has to be even more quite due to light, light sleepers. Ok I can understand that. So I just say to my boyfriend before bed, I'm ok with her staying for a few hours, but not much longer (Due to issues I have with her not him)
So this morning he tells me he left at 1 and told her to shut things down before she goes, he gets back at 5 and she's still here. Well his car is in the shop, so he had to return the car he was borrowing so since she was here he had her take him, then after they went out to breakfast.
Well morning have not been good for me lately. I've been getting better at it. But I use to wake up I guess feeling negative and then fed and fed it all morning long. So as soon as I get up, not even out of the bed he tells me this. I was fine until he got to the breakfast part. Right away in my head, what he gets to go out for breakfast, I don't get to go out for breakfast, much less with a friend must be nice.. etc.. he could tell I was bothered (normally I would have said I was fine came down and fed the negative. Instead I let him know why I was bothered and that I realize it's silly and out of his control it's just bothersome. Then I had to run to gas station to get milk quick. At this time I had time to sort things out in my head etc.... So I came home, and let him know although I was slightly bothered I know that is how things are and I know that if I wanted to I could do more, I have just chosen to not. Then I also let him know I was VERY happy he took her to breakfast (they both "bump heads" a bit) and I really appreciated it!
I was able to take the negative, and to me it was a pretty big negative and I totally turned it around to a positive.
And with that, I was also able to see that I don't get time for me, because of ME. That will be worked on also. I will be taking some time to go shopping after work tonight. Alone and the shopping will not be for household items it will be stuff for me. (relaxation items, yoga items etc)
I haven't felt SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good about something so simple in so long!!!

[Nel01073]

Thank you iwillbebetter for sharing your story. I really like to hear about things like this because they give me hope that my life can change. Sometimes it is easier for me not to talk about my feelings but I know that doesnt help me in the long run. It is great that you had the courage to tell your boyfriend how you feel.That isnt always easy. Also I hope things work out with you and your sister. I have some issues with a sister too that I hope we can work on soon. Im happy to hear you are gonna go out and do something positive for yourself. Good luck

[TaoEquus]

Good for you! We need to post more of our triumphs, no matter how small they may seem, because it is just one more step in the right direction. I just found out yesterday that I'm pregnant!!! My first pregnancy was last year, and I miscarried at 7 weeks. Now, 1 year later almost to the day of getting pregnant the last time, I'm looking at things differently. This program has really prepared me even more for this. So excited!

[Iwillbebetter]

Nel, always happy to share. I know personally I can find it empowering just to hear of others victories no matter how "little" they may seem. I know what you mean. I was one to always "run" from my feelings. Really a lot of the time I don't even know what I'm really feeling. I learned at a very young age my feelings were "wrong" so I pushed em down way way down. But I'm learning. What good is all the knowledge I am gaining if I can't put it into practice.
My sister will take a little more time, but as I get better, I will work on that. I love her dearly and don't want my anxieties to push us farther. I think there is just something about siblings that makes it a little harder But I will get there. I just need a bit more practice first I'm sure in time, if you keep at it you will be also!!

Tao - thank you Yes everystep certianly counts!! if you don't take any steps how can you get anywhere!! Congratulations on the pregnancy. That's pretty neat/specialy it's almost a year to date. I'm so glad to see you are working on yourself. I wish I would have been able to do that before having my children. But they are still young enough (3,4&11) I can still teach them the things I am learning. Just keep at it. I know I previously (about 5 years now) miscarried. What a hard thing to handle!! I also know that it was really from all the stress I was under and not knowing how to deal with it!! Congrats again what an exciting time for you!!

[LyndaLu]

Dear iwill: Thank you for sharing your story, it is always good to hear everyone's stories
and their progress. I guess sometimes I think I am not making any progress, but when I start
thinking about it and looking back throughout the day and the past week I have made some
small baby steps toward self-improvement. I have become more agoraphobic than ever and so
getting out of my apartment just to do anything is a real big accomplishment for me. I started
taking some classes about job searching, resume's and interviews. Just locating the classes and
getting up in the morning and getting dressed and driving over to the classes has become an
accomplishment. I am socializing with other people in the classes and I am learning something new.
I am pre-registered to go to a few more of these "workshops" in the future and so I AM feeling
like I am making a difference in some small way toward having a healthier and happier life.
PS: I grew up in Minnesota . Lynda

[Iwillbebetter]

Lynda, Wow that's awesome!! Sounds like a big step or two in there also!! I think getting to those classes could be considered a big thing!! I know what you mean though I often feel like I haven't gotten far. Or I'm not making much progress, it's so easy to not give ourselves credit where credit is due!!! I think all the things you listed there that you are doing are just wonderful!! Deffinately steps in the right direction to having that happier & healther life!!!