Thought Replacement Suggestion & Tips

[NinjaFrodo]

First of all instead of trying to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts, try to replace irrational thoughts with rational ones.

What helps to figure out how to replace them is to look at how they are distorted.

Cognitive Distortions I use;

All-Or-Nothing
->Black or white thinking where things are either perfect or nothing, there is no in between

Magnifying
->Making something bigger than it really is

Overgeneralization
->This is when you use the words always, everybody, never. YOu conclude that things happen the same way all the time and that everybody responds the same way.

Labeling
->Calling someone a name or concluding someone is a certain way based on their behavior

Mind reading
->Assuming you know how someone thinks without asking

Fortune telling
->Assuming you know what will happen without any evidence to back up your assumption

Mental filter
->Focusing your whole attention on one aspect and ignoring the rest of the big picture (it can be positive or negative)

Discounting the positive
->This is when you say "it doesn't count" to something positive that happens or a compliment or something

Emotional reasoning
->When you sum up the situation based on how you feel

Personalization
->When you blame yourself for a situation that isn't completely your fault

Blame
->Same as personalization but you are directing it at someone else

Shoulds
->When you tell yourself it should be a certain way and expect it that way


There are some subcategories as well but they deal more with anger and I don't want to make this too complicated. If you are more intrested in those, just let me know and i can post them.


So the idea is to find the distortion and come up with a rational response to the distortion. It doesn't help to say nice things to yourself that will try to make yourself feel better, it will only sound phoney, you won't believe it and it won't be useful to you. The idea is to see the distortion and respond with something that makes the thought seem like a lie and that in turn will make you feel better.


All-or-nothing counter responses;
Speak in percentages or look at the gray area. Perhaps you didn't get it perfect but you got 70% or you got some things but didn't get other things done

Mindreading;
If you haven't asked, assume you don't know what they are thinking

Magnifying;
Be specific about whats going on. Look at the whole picture.

Overgeneralization;
Be more specific, how many times did that thing happen to you, how many people responded that way

Labeling;
Don't sum up a person based on one behavior or situation. Talk about the behavior

Shoulds;
"I prefer" not "you ought to" or "I'd like to" not "I should" or "it would be more beneficial" not "I have to"

Mental filter;
Look at the whole picture, not just 1 aspect of it. What was positive along side with that negative. If you are dwelling on the negatives then in your response list the positives that go along side that situation, that person or yourself

Discounting the positives;
Recognize the challenge it was to you-recognize the effort- recognize the benefit and or positive words of others

Emotional reasoning;
Feelings are not facts, examine the evidence

Fortune telling;
I don't know the evidence and the facts so I can't know the outcome

Personalization and blame
List the factors that may have contributed to this problem.


Example;

1)Birds always poop on my car
[overgeneralization]
->Birds are not pooping on my car 24 hours a day, it has happened twice in the last week.

2)This test is impossible
[magnifying]
This test is a challenge but many people have passed it before me

3)That lady just cut me off in traffic, shes rude
[labeling]
Cutting me off in traffic is rude

4)I couldn't get that spin in dance class today
[mental filter]
I was able to do the slides, I was able to get the first part of the routine and the second part, I got the timing down pretty good, I was able to get my arms in the right position, I was able to correct an error i made later on in the class, my instructor complimented me as well.

5)I might have gotten alot of the routine down but I didn't get the spin and so I didn't do good enough
[discounting the positive]
It was a new routine, I put alot of effort into what i was doing, I tried very hard and made alot of progress in other areas, spins are a weakness for me and the effort i made today will make me a better dancer in the future and my instructor seemed to think I did a good job

6)I feel bad, dancing isn't going to make me feel better
[emotional reasoning]
Just because I feel bad now doesn't mean i'll feel bad when I dance. There have been many times when I have felt bad and when I started to dance I felt alot better, dance is something I like to do and when i'm doing things I like to do then I feel good.

7)she must not like my haircut she noticed i got my hair cut but didn't say anything nice about it
[Mindreading]
That doesn't mean she doesn't like my hair cut it means she noticed I got my hair cut. I haven't asked her what she thinks of it so I don't know how she thinks about it

8)Its because of my daughter that I am late for work
[blame]
My daughter woke up late, I had to stop to fill the tank up, the traffic was worse then normal, it took longer than usual to buy my breakfast on the way to work, there was bad weather conditions, the car wouldn't start and the elevator was broken so I had to walk up several flights of stairs in the building I work at

9)Its my fault that the wedding didn't turn out right
[personalization]
It started to rain and the weather network didn't predict that happening, the father of the bride had a heart attack and had to be taken to the hospital, there was a mixup in schedualing with the priest and he arrived late.

10)I couldn't get the whole routine down in dance class, i failed
[all or nothing]
I wasn't able to get it 100% down but I was still able to get it 70% down



I really hope this helps you guys the way it has helped me. You may need some help from someone else in order to figure out replacements and thats ok, thats what we are here for.


Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

Ok i'm going to give actual examples. Ones that I have personally done.

1)He told me that its annoying that I assume well, what the heck does he expect from me? I'm doing my best, is that not enough for him?
[Magnification]
->To counter Magnification use appropriate language and look at the whole picture

Replacement thought:
-It's annoying for me to worry and assume too but that doesn't mean I'm bad for doing it. Everybody assumes and now i'm just being more vocal about it and expressing things diffrently, voicing myself. It's a change and some people may not like it or accept it but I'm doing it for me, not for them and it doesn't matter what they think about it. It is important to me and they can either adapt or let go. I don't have to take this personally.

2)X is never encouraging, he is never supportive and it's always about him
[Overgeneralization, should]
->be specific, how many times did it happen...were there times when it didn't?

Replacement thought;
->Where X is, is similar to me in that we are trying to build ourselves up and so the focus is more on ourselves than others right now and thats alright, it's just part of our healing journey. Despite that there are some times when he really does try to cheer me up and encourage me like the other day on the phone about how I'm much better looking and how Y and Z won't last.

3)If he ends the friendship then I won't have anybody and I'll be alone.
[Magnification]
->Use appropriate language and look at the whole picture

Replacement thought:
I see people everyday, I talk to my roommates everyday, I talk to the fitness instructors and several people in the classes, I hangout with one of my friends on a weekly basis from group, I workout with my workout buddy, I hangout with certain friends during parties, I talk to people online, I have another friend from group I call and talk to, I talk to my great aunt, there are people I hangout with every once in awhile, there are peole I haven't seen in awhile that still want to hangout and want me to visit, I can make new friends online and potentially in fitness classes. I'm not alone and won't be even if I feel alone.


4)I can't handle being on my own.
[magnification]
->Same thing as above, use appropriate language (avoid words like aweful, terrible, disasterous) and look at the whole picture.

Replacement thought:
->I'm alone right now, I'm alone when I sleep, I'm alone when I wake up and when I shower, I'm alone when I'm in my room on my laptop and when meditating as well. When I'm around others I may feel alone but I'm not and I am still able to get through it.



Mike

[NeverQuit]

Great job! Excellent resource for those trying to replace their scary negative thoughts.

[NinjaFrodo]

Thank you. I'm glad you replied, i wasn't sure if people were finding it helpful or not.

It gets even better once you go into the should and blame sub categories. Some of these include; Assumed Intent, Fallacy of Change, Fallacy of Fairness and stuff like that. Makes it alot easier when it comes to blame and shoulds.

[jrsweetpea1]

thanks for your explanations & suggestions, they're very interesting & helpful, thanks again

[Iwillbebetter]

Thanks so much for this post NinjaFrodo. This is very helpful!! Way to break it down!!

[coach21]

You'll find those distortions in THE FEELING GOOD HANDBOOK" by Dr. Burns. It's a great supplemental read with this program in that both are CBT based and compliment each other well.

[Iwillbebetter]

Thanks Coach, I think I will go pick it up after Christmas, I'm always looking for another good book to read

[waruk]

Indeed. This looks like hard work but I see the benefit observing the thinking mechanism. I appreciate the candid examples, I will try post some of my own as week three goes on for me.

[LyndaLu]

Dear Ninja : Thanks for the great advice. That's a lot of "heavy" thinking, but it sounds like it
really DOES work ! Dear Coach: I will try to pick up that book in the near future. I don't know a lot about CBT, but if
I read the book I am sure that I will find out. Lynda