Anyone feeling stuck? Plz read. Comments welcomed.

[madtrkkllr]

I've had a lot going on in the past 3 months. More stimulus than I normally have. Some for the good/some for the bad but that's LIFE & I'm trying to learn that. In the past 3 months, I've had many "revelations" getting on the road to success but a lot has been very anxiety-filled. I'm a combat vet of Iraqi Freedom & have been diagnosed by the VA as: Generalized anxiety disorder, P.T.S.D., Depression, OCD & recently a hypochandriac. Since getting the program this is where I'm at:

The pro's are:
*I ordered this program & am working it the best I can.
*I had a revelation about my spirituality; I replaced God & Jesus with alcohol (Although not worshipping alcohol, I def put my trust in it before God & never even knew it).
*I pray WAY more throughout the day & try to accept & give myself permission to be anxious.
*I stopped taking Seroquel cold turkey (You'll find this in the con's as well)
*I've lost 40 lbs now starting at 235 & my goal is 175 (Currently at 194). I'm 5'9".
*I started exercising on my treadmill.
*I take fish oil supplements w/Omega 3's daily.
*I started eating oatmeal every morning.
*I've dropped over 100 pts. on my total cholestrol & 80 pts. on my bad in the past 10 months.
*I got in the union after being laid off for 19 months.
*I started a new medication with less side effects as Seroquel & have decreased my pulse checking from over 100-200+ a day to maybe 20-40 average...
*I continue to try & stay sober although I have an occasional slip once every 2 months of about a 6 pack.
*I got an ECG, stress test & halter monitor all coming back normal. Thank & praise GOD!!!
*I use the breathing technique a lot more now than I did in the 7 years I've been going to the VA.
*I use a CPAP machine for my apnea & I don't wake up with palpatations/anxiety.
*My dreams/nightmares have gone away for the most part. I barely even remember dreaming anymore.

The Con's are:
*I stopped taking Seroquel cold turkey (BAD IDEA! NEVER stop taking a med before talking w/your doctor).
*My daily anxiety has decreased but my full blown panic attacks have increased dramatically.
*Listening to people's testiomines on the cd's make me more anxious rather than helping.
*I've gone through a lot of changes which has increased my anxiety (And we all HATE change)
*I started a new job as a laborer & am scared of working/failure/success....
*I started taking a diff type of med replacing the seroquel w/out knowing the side effects & I suffered heat stroke this past Monday.
*Am not keeping a journal (due to my new job in an industrial environment) but keep a log of my pulse checks.
*Having a hard time deploying good self-esteem (3rd session).
*Not attending AA as much as I need.
*I am scared of getting better. All I've known for the past 10 years is this HELL.
*I'm not living life, I'm just breathing & barely getting by.
*I can't seem to "get excited" at new changes like starting a new job even though I know it's a positive.

I'm sure there are more con's but as you can see the good has most def outweighed the bad thus far. The changes I've gone through in the past couple months have already been well worth the cost of the program. I realize that this program is not a "One size fits all" as I have OCD, PTSD & a hypochandriac but it has helped me out a lot so far. I hope that this may be somewhat helpful to someone feeling stuck. Comments are encouraged & welcomed...

[Gingula28]

HEY! I understand the panic thing. My panic attacks have lessened, BUT when I do have one- they are INSANE! Like I feel the repercussions for days to come. I'm not living. I am going through the motions to barely get by. But I am working on it all. It's so hard because you are battling yourself without trying to blame yourself or be too hard on yourself. This is the hardest thing ever. We are retraining our brains. I too have been dealing with this for 10 years now. So we are changing and it is different. Different feels wrong, but it's new and ok. I'm so proud that you are doing it.

[madtrkkllr]

Thanks Gin....

[nmfl]

I think it is GREAT that you are trying to get better...praise yourself for it! it is a BIG DEAL!!!
Being nervous at starting a new job is very common, we all go through that, I personally think that the first three weeks are the hardest ones and then it becomes part of your life.
I have a tough time trying to not think negatively, but I have been able to apply the technique shown in session 3 sometimes, and what a difference it makes!
I did something that has helped me, I recorded the positive thoughts on session 10 (obsessive thoughts replacement dialogues) and listen to them on my way to work and it makes me feel good.
I am still struggling with replacing the negative thoughts, but remember we've been doing this for so long that we need time and patience to get use to thinking positively.
I have a friend who is an alcoholic and used to go with him to a lot of his AA meetings and you can feel the good energy from people trying to recover by listening to their stories. He always make a point of going daily and that keeps him feeling better.
I hope that we all learn the technique of positive thinking and that at some point becomes part of our lifes, so that it doesn't feel like work anymore but part of our daily lives.
Hang in there!

[Paisleegreen]

Madtrkler- I'm glad you have this program and I like how you posted the Pros and Cons you've been experiencing. I'm glad the Pros are more that you posted. I agree, some of the stories on the CD started to get scary or boring. B/C I listened to them so much. But they helped me a lot! I don't need to listen to them now and I listen to a different relaxation CD, which I just barely started doing because I needed to by me a portable CD player so that I would have some privacy.

So that really helped to have a nice relaxation CD during the night where I can just put my ear bugs in and play and the CD player turns itself off. Best decision I made, but boy the anxiety of going to the store and looking at this type of stuff. Decisions, decisions! But a very good test for my brain! Paislee

[mmwillie928]

mdtrkkller,
i just want to let you know what an inspiration you were to me. things i read in your post reminded me how we need to constantly remind ourselves to be patient and compassionate with ourselves, and to not put a time limit on it. for example, i will tell myself to be patient with myself, then it's like subconsciously i put a time frame on it and when i have a moment down the road where i slip up, i feel like maybe things from the program aren't working and what is wrong with me and all that. but we are human and that patience and compassion needs to be exercised all our lives. and it is so much better then beating down on ourselves or thinking life is hopeless.
from reading your post, i have to say, you sound like you are taking care of yourself and things will get better for you as it seems they have been already. myself, i get encouraged when, after a while of feeling like there hasn't been any significant changes in my recovery and it's just been same old same old, out of the blue i will notice i did something i didn't dare do before or i will react differently to a situation, etc. it is a great encouragement and sign that growth is ongoing. just keep doing what you mentioned you were doing. keep going back to the positive influences in your life. even when i feel like i haven't done well, i still go back to the program and it is the best thing i can do.
thanks again for your encouragement!
Matt