My adult children look down on me.
My adult children look down on me.
Today was Mother's day. All was ok until I mentioned to my oldest son that I was taking this course. He not only wasn't interested but made a face like "so, big deal. What do you want me to say". This is the son that has been nagging me about being too sensitive and negative and even suggested a book which I read. I said nothing but I have been in tears thinking about the lack of caring he showed. His wife doesn't like me and I feel she has convinced him to see things her way. I have been thinking of moving about 100 miles away and limit my contact with my sons.
Re: My adult children look down on me.
I'm sorry to hear this! Happy Mother's Day to you first of all. Second, it can be hard when families grow and sometimes they don't always seem eye to eye. However, even in my families worst of times I always try to make a conscious effort to stop and think about what is going on and how I should really feel.
It was unfair for your son to not notice what a huge step this program was for you. But moving a 100 miles away and limiting contact might be something you want to think a while on. I know you must love them very much and they love you. So even though your daughter in law may not be the best influence on him or he doesn't give you the reactions you are looking for, it is up to us to be responsible for what we let bother us.
I have learned this with my own mother (who I have never had a good relationship with), but I realize that I control how much and how little I let what she says or how she acts bother me.
Hang in there and I am sure things will turn around. You did a great thing trying to help yourself with this program so keep your head up! I wish you many blessings!
Jenn
It was unfair for your son to not notice what a huge step this program was for you. But moving a 100 miles away and limiting contact might be something you want to think a while on. I know you must love them very much and they love you. So even though your daughter in law may not be the best influence on him or he doesn't give you the reactions you are looking for, it is up to us to be responsible for what we let bother us.
I have learned this with my own mother (who I have never had a good relationship with), but I realize that I control how much and how little I let what she says or how she acts bother me.
Hang in there and I am sure things will turn around. You did a great thing trying to help yourself with this program so keep your head up! I wish you many blessings!
Jenn
Re: My adult children look down on me.
Thank you for replying to my message. The problem has become one where every time I see my oldest son I end up depressed. I have gone to a counselor with him and nothing changes. He takes his wife's family to the beach for a week at Thanksgiving and I am not invited. Just her family goes. One year she declared that Christmas was just for friends and therefore I wasn't invited. My son went along with this. He is highly intelligent but a space cadet and just lets her tell him what to think and do. If it were a disfunctional marriage I would get out of it but this is a disfunctional relationship I have with my son so I feel guilty and hurt all in one.
Re: My adult children look down on me.
Hey there! I'm really sorry to hear this... you must feel very hurt from your son who doesn't appreciate much of the sacrifices his mom has done for him over the year. I know it's gonna be hard, especially since you feel so low when you see your son, but try to tell yourself that you have worth because God of the universe created.. YOU!... and you are wonderful the way you've been created, even if your son and daughter-in-law don't appreciate it. There are many other people who appreciate having you in their lives, and you are a diamond just because of who you are! Your son may not appreciate you right now, but who knows, this is such a small segment in time, things might change next hour, next year, next 5 weeks... who knows right? I know it's easy to feel depressed, but our views are so limited, there are great things out there! You're doing great already... staying on the program and especially posting this on the forum! Your son's view does not determine who you are (and really, he might not even like most people around him!). So yeah, you're doing a good job even raising him for all these years! Good job!
Re: My adult children look down on me.
Thank you for your replies. This is probably one of the best examples of negative thinking because the next week he called me and said he didn't think much at the time but that he was really happy that I had signed up for the course. He said his wife was out of town and invited me to go out to dinner on the Friday after Mother's day.
I made myself all upset over what I perceived his look meant when he really just wasn't thinking in the moment. He does that. He kind of zones out. Actually, he is a very stressed person because of his job and all and could probably use the course himself.
Shame on me! I need not to be a mind reader and not get upset unless I"m sure there is something to get upset about. I hope I just took a little step forward.
I made myself all upset over what I perceived his look meant when he really just wasn't thinking in the moment. He does that. He kind of zones out. Actually, he is a very stressed person because of his job and all and could probably use the course himself.
Shame on me! I need not to be a mind reader and not get upset unless I"m sure there is something to get upset about. I hope I just took a little step forward.