what can i say to myself to make this nightmare positive?

[praying4sun]

i am new to this group. i am now a single mom. the father of my baby and i had been planning to get back togethor but with a snap of a finger it all changed. Long story short, he got a 22 year old pregnat (we are both 30), she wants to keep the baby- he wants to make it work with her, and they have made plans to move in togehtor in September. I am so crushed. We have had a lot of ups and downs and just when i thought we could put the past in the past and have a healty/loving family this happens!

Lately I have been getting heavy panic attacks, i am completly zoned out, i cry like never before, sleep holding a cross asking God to help me... i feel like my world came to an end. It feels like things are only going to get worse from here on, from child support reduction, to me worrying about how she will be with our almost 3 year old son to him leaving the state to be with her/her family. None of them live here in town. Its a distance of a couple of hours but regardless it will make an impact on my son, his relationship.

The worst part of it all, is somehow deep down I wish there was a way we could get back together and those fantasy thoughts are killing me. I have know now for almost 3 weeks and its not getting easier. Sometimes I will be ok but than when i see him or we have to text about the baby it brings me back down all over again. my self esteem is literally shattered and i feel so horrible.

how the heck can i move on when i have to see him weekly but still remain calm to be an adult about the situation and remember to be nice to him because of our son?

what can i say to myself to make this nightmare positive?

[draggingsticks]

wouldnt you rather want to be with someone who wants to be with you. u cant control others only how u respond. stop the drinking. short and sweet. hope this helps.
keith

www.keithwjohnson.com

[Paisleegreen]

Wow, you are going through a hard thing. I didn't read that you are drinking...did I miss it. My eyes are a little sore myself from tears earlier today. I'm glad you are here and by working the program you will feel better...keep praying as well. Paislee

[kty_rs]

I want to share with you what helped for me. The program says that you have to make you your safe person, and it really works. I had to picture myself holding my own hand, telling myself that things would be all right. It worked. I am so sorry for what you are going through, trust yourself and this program. You have your little one and together you will make it through this miserable time. Give yourself time to grieve over the marriage and the hurt. You will make it.

[praying4sun]

Thank you. No I am not drinking, but I did take FMLA- it was the right thing to do- I am a mess emotionally. I have actually thought about becoming my own "safe person" i guess right now I am letting the negative win. Thats why I logged on because I am trying to push myself so hard to think positive.

[tbabystroup]

I am in the same situation as you... only i've been here longer (about a year)... it's NOT easy to let go of feelings you have for someone, even after they have proved how much they don't care about you, especially when you have to stay in contact with them! I have found that allowing myself to daydream that everything will work out fine is about the worst thing that you can allow yourself to do!!! instead of wishing/hoping/praying for the jerk that did this to you to suddenly realize how much he loves you and come home (trust me you wouldn't really want this kinda man back and that takes a long time to fully realize)... you need to daydream about positive things such as meeting a prince that will sweep you off your feet, getting the job you've always wanted... anything that doesn't involve him in the least will help to distract you! and as far as communication with him goes... do yourself a favor and hang up/walk out if the discussion isn't entirely about your child! that last little tidbit took me a while to actually do, but it felt great to be in control of what i expose myself to and what i choose not to be a part of!! i'm not going to lie to you, not only is it hard to let go, but it takes some serious determination to get yourself motivated to only worry about yourself and your child. as for your 3 year old... it will take a while for him to adjust to not seeing his father all the time, but it will not scar him for life!! my child was 4 when he daddy got his things thrown out on the lawn and she is now 5 and is exstatic when she does get to see her daddy, but she no longer questions why he doesn't live with us or why its only once every other month that he bothers to see her... kids are resilient and they will be fine IF their parents are fine!! i'm sorry i couldn't sell you a quick fix, or paint a happy picture of everything going back to the old ways... but it WILL get better and you WILL be alright... just take little bitty baby steps and allow yourself to cry whenever you feel frustrated or down!
and just a side note... just bc she is young AND stole your man... is no reason that she would be anything less than wonderful towards your child... and if she loves your ex i'm sure she will treat his child with respect!
good luck and god bless!!