can anyone relate?

[kev1632]

I feel that I am learning a lot from this program, but struggle a little with my motivation. I am extremely motivated to feel better and rid myself of crippling anxiety, but at the same time my anxiety is caused by situations that I feel trapped in because of reasons that actually do make sense. Lately my work situation has been horrible, very negative, and boring to boot. I want out of the situation so bad that it causes anxiety attacks because I don't have the option to quit right now. I realize that there will never be a perfect situation at work. At the same time though, I feel like I am attacking this anxiety disorder so that I can be cured to go back to work which is a very toxic environment for somebody with or without an anxiety disorder. I guess what I'm saying is, if I was suffering from panic attacks about crossing over a bridge that led to someone's house that I loved, then I could get the motivation to work harder at curing myself. The reason would be clear to me because I would "want" very badly to see the person I loved on the other side. In my case, I don't want to go to work, a place that is negative, boring, and toxic. It's so hard to find the strength to work hard with the program to achieve a goal of living without anxiety attacks(which would be awesome), but at the same time, I don't want to be "cured" and return to that horrible place either. I don't know if this will make sense to anyone, but I can tell you that if feels good just to write it. I hate being on disability, and not feeling like I am giving my full potential to being cured and returning to work. Even though my anxiety is not as bad since I am home right now, I feel very ashamed and confused. Thanks for listening.

[will72jr]

I guess i can relate in someway. The company i used to work for went out of business. I got to the point were i didn't want to go to work there either. The boss was always watching over me and everyone else, I got along with him but he was tough to work for. I felt some anxiety when i worked there. I wanted to get out of there , so closing was a good thing. I have a new job now but still have the anxiety, now because of the new job. I have my issues with driving anywhere. I had a panic attack a couple of times while driving. Ever since then i have trouble going anywhere. Hopefully this program will help me. I also like to talk about my anxiety. It makes me feel better when someones willing to listen. One day we will be free of this anxiety. It really does ruin your life. Hopefully you can find another job that you like. Good luck to you.

[kev1632]

Thanks for your reply Will. I wish you the best of luck too. The anxiety that is involved with driving is unfortunate. I haven't experienced that myself, but can surely understand. I have been working with a local group that uses desensitisation to help cure anxiety. I have a hard time using that method with my anxiety because I can't make slow, safe moves into what causes my anxiety. I pretty much have to go to work or not. However, I here that people that suffer from anxiety from leaving their home or driving respond very well to this method. They teach to take slow steps toward what causes anxiety for you, don't let your symptoms get too bad, and then retreat to your safe place or person. Next, you recover from your symptoms, use positive self talk, ect. then move back into that same situation again. You repeatedly do this again and again, eventually you make it further from home or whatever task you are trying to accomplish. Oh, and you can't forget to celebrate victories if you go back to that situation and do better the second time. Good luck to you, we will all eventually overcome this devastating disorder, I know it's going to take a lot of hard work.

[jaredp07]

I have been quite unhappy at work too. But then again, I have been unhappy & unmotivated in all aspects of my life at the same time. I went through the program 8 years ago and he helped me a ton. I worked at a job I hated a the time. The program teaches you to look at things from a different point of view. Even though you are in a toxic environment, you will aquire the skills that allow you to be less affected by that environment. You will even start to notice opportunities in that environment (and outside of it) that you weren't able to see before. The root of this ability is positive self-talk. Be patient and see this thing through. You WILL get better.

Best,
Jared