Just Putting This Out There

[awake2]

Maybe it's because of my personal background, but I grew up in a very stict religious household, at least with my mom, my dad goes along but could really care less. And I was raised with alot of guilt and fear and taught to avoid anything and everything that scared me or was scary in general. Everytime I got scared or had "panicky feelings" I thought that it was because there was somehting wrong with me, that I wasn't physically strong enough to endure things and eventually as anxiety and depression got worse, I thought I wasn't strong enough emotionally to handle, well anything. I know alot of that was my mom reinforcement, because she's the same way only about 35 more years of practice. I know I shouldn't pick on her because she has anxiety too and I know she is suffering, but being around her can be very exhausting at times. I'm still learning this stuff and I'm trying not to let her anxiety get to me. Unfortunatly I can't help my mom. That is out of my hands because she doesn't think anything is wrong, although the rest of us in my family have known it for years. It took me a long time to realize my moms fears are not mine, I have my own lol, but I've been on this journey for a while now and it's led me here. Which is awesome, I've been able to do things now that I never was able to before, because I thought I couldn't. Once I realized how to calm down the panicky feelings and learning to talk to myself better. I wish I had known this years ago because I wouldn't have avoided so much. I love doing these things and having the freedom to do them, I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else felt that way too, like they were physically and emotionally weak and then acted weak because of that? I can't believe I'm the only one.

[karmaka]

Thanks you for sharing that!
I can tell you for myself that I've felt "weak", too, most of my life, emotionally. I was "taught" to be passive like my mother...don't question my father...never "act out" emotionally or you'll get in trouble, etc., etc., etc. I was like a little mouse for a long time. People were always taking advantage of me because I wouldn't stand up for myself. So yeah, I definitely felt "weak", and that lack of assertiveness or feeling like I DID have the strength to be independent or stand up for myself, and so on...that's a big part of WHY I started having panic attacks. I just didn't realize it. So, the panic attacks and scary thoughts led me to this program, but it's the underlying feelings of "weakness" that got me so anxious in the first place.

I'm sorry that you're mother can't see that she might need some help herself with this stuff, but I'm happy for you that you DID get help for yourself! THAT takes strength.

[awake2]

Thank you for the reply karmaka, it's nice to know there are other out there going through the same feelings, experiences might be different but it's nice to know you're not alone:)