constantly seeking external validation

[Island boy]

One habit I need to break is my need for external validation. It seems like I've been constantly seeking external validation my whole life. The only time I feel good about myself is when someone is stroking my ego... When I'm not being stroked I talk myself into a self pitying depression. I also believe that I've developed 'social anxiety' because of my need for external validation.

[Jimmy88]

I can totally relate, I find I feel very socially awkward and don't fully enjoy visits with friends of even family. I think it has been another one of those avoidance issues with me and therefore has turned into a small mountain but I believe as I work on my anxiety and negative thoughts it will continually get better as my confidence grows and I learn to stop seeking that external validation and be content with who I am. I think we are typically people pleaser and want the whole world to love us which sets us up for failure because it is not at all realistic. It is not a quick easy repair but I think it is fixable with time and alot of self love (this one will take some practice for me).

[BEP]

I can relate to the extreme need for external validation. I wonder how that all got started in us in the first place. Anyhoo, I am choosing to believe Lucinda, that we can be our own best friend and our own safe place. Yes, it will take work. Right now I am looking for that little spiral notebook so I can write down my negative thoughts. That should be eye-opening!

[NeverQuit]

I am finding this in myself as well. I am struggling with working through a relationship that I know is not healthy right now, and I am trying to focus on myself, which is REALLY hard for me. But I am also trusting what Lucinda says, which is that self-appreciation, self-acceptance, and CONFIDENCE are POSSIBLE!!!!

[nycgal84]

I have started Session 3 and I know this is going to be the biggest challenge for me, because I LOVE external validation. I have always needed it to thrive - awards in school, trophies for sports. medals for charity work. In most aspects of my life, external validation has keep me motivated and moving forward. Now that I don't have it in my work setting, I am having trouble coming up with it on my own. I mean, I know I am lucky and have a great life, but I almost need people to reinforce this to me rather than telling myself the positive things. I am hoping I can learn skills to become my own best friend, but right now I am having trouble not being hard on myself and lookign for all the things I need to work on, rather than the great things I already have.

[NeverQuit]

It's so true, we need to be our own best friend. It is our tendency, as perfectionistic people, to try and find that sense of accomplishment so that we can say "I did a great job, I did this perfectly." But what is perfect? Aren't we the type of poeple who are satisfied with ourselves for a few seconds, then we find something to doubt about what we did, how we could have done it better, etc.? No wonder we're anxious!!! We have awful viewpoints of ourselves! I'm so thankful that God has blessed me with this program so that I can learn to appreciate myself for who He made me!

[JMalecha]

I too am constantly seeking external validation, but because I am so introspective in nature, I have noticed that I seclude myself from others. I often say I am my own worst enemy. I want everyone to think I am a hard worker so when a group is sitting around talking or when someone tries to engage me I act annoyed and try to focus back on work. No wonder they don't like me! I think I am so worried about rejection that I tell myself I'm just being a good worker when I am actually avoiding contact so as to avoid rejection.

[asammy]

I can definitely relate!! Throughout my life I have constantly wanted other people to tell me how awesome, nice, etc. etc. i am and never realized that this was a problem until recently in my life. This session is definitely a challenge, especially for us who seek validation from others. However, i know i need to work on this because i think that this will help with a lot of my anxiety. We can do this!

[TammyS45]

I can really relate to this. I have very low-self esteem. Now that I've put on weight (possibly from meds) I feed really bad about myself. I have listened to Session 3 on Self Talk and trying to learn from that I have my little note book for my negative thoughts and I have a ton of negatives and on some (appearance) and cannot make any positive statement. I'm going to keep working hard to beat this. Anyway I know what your going through and I know we and others will get through this.