Stress Center Peer Support

Ok...I am on Lesson 8, and have been carrying around a little notebook with me to write down my negative thoughts. (I didn't start doing this til prob Lesson 5 , but anyway in one week (I was off) I filled up the first little notebook. I was getting and replacing around 15 thoughts a day. Now I started working again, and haven't been getting as many. I try to get 4-5 (I think the little blue card says 4 each day).

Anyways, most of my thoughts are all about this condition. For example...

-I wish I could feel like myself again. I wish I could feel anything again besides this condition.

-What if I never get better? What if I never get over this?

-I hate having to do this. Why can't I just be normal and not have to do this? ('This' being writing down my negative thoughts).

I replace these with stuff like...

-I am normal. It's just anxiety. 'This' is going to help me overcome this, and it's okay to do. In the long run, it's all going to pay off. I don't have to feel weird about it.

And...

-I will get over this. All of those people on the tapes got better. I am going to get better. I will feel good again.

Even though I don't feel I believe this stuff yet (it sounds good, ha) but I don't read them and feel 'ahhhh...relief' yet. I feel like I just keep repeating myself. I don't know...does anybody else have some positive replacement thoughts for thoughts like this? I've used to workbook, too...just trying to get some fresh thoughts.

I have been actually noticing some uplifted feelings on a few occasions, but then when I don't get a lot written and replaced, I feel like I start to beat myself up and feel negative about not doing it enough like I'm kind of prolonging my feeling bad by not writing enough down. Like I would feel better if I could just get some more written and replaced. Talk about self-defeating, huh?

Anyway, any input/ideas would be greatly appreciated!!!

Thanks!!!

missobsessive,

Right away I noticed a good amount of name-calling. You are calling yourself "not normal"and identifying yourself as "having a condition" and you are expressing hatred towards the exercises. Yes you are struggling here with exactly what you said, negativity and beating yourself up.

I would suggest trying something different. If the exercise is producing this much anxiety, do it another way that isn't so shameful to you. Take mental notes instead of physical ones for a week. What I mean is this: you are at your desk and just had a negative thought about yourself and your condition. Stop what you are doing for 30 seconds, close your eyes, take a deep breath. Tell yourself that was really negative. Then go back to work. Do that for a couple of days. Then see how you are feeling about yourself. If you can see the benefit of simply stopping each time you have the thoughts, then move on to writing them down. Simply write them for a couple more days. Reassess. Then move on to writing a response. The responses will be crystal clear if you take the time to just observe the thoughts for a few days.

What I'm really suggessting is for you to slow down. You may be racing through this step because it's shameful to you. If you slow it down, you'll better see how beneficial it is to your growth. You are growing and learning new things. That's exciting.

One last suggestion is for you to think of yourself as a dear friend of yours. This dear friend is hurting and needs compassion. It's up to you to help her get the gentleness that she needs. Start talking to her nicely. Stop labelling her, that hurts her feelings. What she needs is kindness and you can deliver that for her. You are on her side. You are her cheerleader.

I wish you the best. You are making progress. Give yourself (and your dear friend) credit for all the growth so far.

Wow New_Nana,

Thanks a lot for the reply. I'm prob going to print it and reread what you said about the friend thing. I do try to do that. I know I'm not going to be the best at it at first because this all takes practice, and I just have to find my way with it.

And yes, I definitely do the "mental" part of it. Well I try to replace negative thoughts mentally like when I'm working or driving or I can't write them down right away.

Maybe instead of beating myself up for having the condition and replacing it with just "I'm working on it, and I will feel better in time" I'll add something more compassionate like, ....... hmmmmm....."It's okay to feel like this right now. These are just uncomfortable feelings that will pass in time. There is nothing wrong with me..." Something to that affect??? We'll see how it works.

Thanks so much for your input . Support is ALWAYS appreciated.

new nana- thanks for that reminder to think of ourselves as our dear friend that is hurting- i forget that part. How many times do we rush to make someone else feel better? I am struggling with this as well- my husband is the biggest culprit right now and I am having to fight his negative comments towards me- It was working until I had a panic attack yesterday- my first in about 2 months since starting the program and being off meds- Just have to get back at it and remind myself I am worth this effort. Thanks for your words- they did help!

hey that was some really good advice. I like the idea of stopping and taking a 30 second time out when having a negative thought. Great idea!

I agree with what you have said and just want to add to missobsessive. If you are planning to beat yourself up for having your issues then you better be ready to beat up the rest of the world while your at it. Everybody has anxiety and depression, everybody acts goofy and does things wrong and everybody takes awhile when it comes to breaking old habits and starting new ones. You are certainly not the only person going through these issues and you are human like everybody else. You are on the same level and follow the same rules so you should have the same standards, leeway and rights as everybody else.


Mike