Setback at work

[JT_Money]

I started a new job a few weeks ago as a certified nurse aide at a hospital. It's my first job as a CNA, and I am in nursing school.

Since starting this program, and attempting to utilize its techniques, I have found that my anxiety has actually INCREASED! For example, the last two days on my drive to work, I just kept getting more and more keyed up. Yesterday I plowed through it and worked a full shift (and it turned into a pleasant day), but today, on the drive in I was getting so nervous, I was making myself physically sick. I got to the hospital, but left within 15 minutes because I just kept gagging (due to the nervousness).

I really feel like I let myself (as well as my coworkers) down. It's a new job and I want to make a good impression there, but having to leave feels like I gave in. But the symptoms were so intense! The obsessive thoughts were so intrusive! I tried the breathing exercises and the distraction techniques, but I couldn't come down from it (until I left, of course).

Now, I'm sitting at home when I should be at work feeling sorry for myself (not a good thing, I know).

I'm scared that my leaving will be looked down on at work. I'm scared I will make a poor nurse (heck, I'm afraid when I go to work, right?). I'm scared that I cannot make this program work in my life or situation. I'm scared of change and scared of not changing all at once.

I try to keep my posts fairly positive, but today sucked, plain and simple.

Any words of encouragement?

[Guest]

Setbacks are expected. Indeed your posts are most rewarding and mostly positive. That is okay too. First thing is first. Congrats on your new job. You'll do fine with the 'moment to moment movement'. No more and no less. Your training has enabled you to do fine with working with others. Your life experiences, stories shared, give a sense of grace and human element. We are all working into ourselves as better humans. Your impressions you mention are not judged as you may think. Others see you as you see yourself. You control your mind. The only thing we all must remember is to breathe, take the moments one at a time, don't judge ourselves (add laughter in our lives), love life as it is without expectations, and this too will pass. We learned from your disattachment from the scene what? More anxiety bred more anxiety. The next time, pause for the moment, calm your mind in relaxation techniques, and face the world with a smile. I believe you can do this. We all just need to be reminded time and time again. The mind has a way of thinking too much. Then when it does, we forget to know what we already know, and to feel as we ought to feel. The expectations of a new job and the normal anxiety that comes from it; of course is normal. How we feel and ought to feel we must re-think our thoughts in a positive light. That takes the moment to moment time outs.

Secondly, a fun suggestion. Draw a lipstick smiling face upon your bathroom mirror. This will remind you daily that inside yourself is a person that is happy and confident. Write a word or affirmation below your reflection of yourself to re-train the mind that brings you into darker images of yourself, and remind your inner self, your on a path of enlightenment and true peace of mind.

Third; www.values.com

[Guest]

Smiles -

Thank you so much for your insightful reply. I am still not pleased that I left the hospital, as I think it did more harm then good for me in terms of my coping with the anxiety. But what's done is done, and I can only move forward.

I don't know if I can draw the lipstick smiley face (as a guy, I have a lack of it laying around!) But I DO like your idea of writing some positive affirmations in places I can see them.

I've just lived with this condition so long, it is difficult to undo the 'bad habits' I've acquired and see things positively sometimes.

Thanks again for your reply and the link!

John

[Guest]

It IS hard, at times is feels impossible but ultimately what we are doing has meaning and value and you are worth it-- worth being kinder to yourself, being gentler to yourself, resting on the inside. Most people are never in enough pain to investigate coping skills, thinking patterns that hurt us... I'm experiencing severe "resistance" right now too from the "öld" brain-- it's so intrusive and painful and interferes with daily life-- I undersstand. Today, I was able to re-write four negative thoughts on paper and write more rational if not positive thoughts. Even if you don'r believe them, try the thought replacement exercise from session 3. Btw- Smilesand wink- I totally drew a lipstick happy face on my bathroom mirror.