Stress Center Peer Support

I'm on session 3. Iam a negative person, just no one knew it but me. I am so hard on myself it's ridiculous! I have to learn to love myself and for some reason, that's the hardest thing to do. I have to write the positives and start to believe them, and stop doing the things that make me feel bad. I know I have a choice, but I always return to the negative I think because it's comfortable. I need to work hard at this program to succeed.

HJF - this was one of my hardest session. I beleive in part because I have little to no self-esteem. So I have decided to also focus on building that while working the program. As really I think you need it to complete the program. You can't change yourself if you don't think you are worthy of change. I have a lot of trouble replacing the positive thoughts. I'm getting ok w/at least stopping the negatives though and that's a start!!
I made a little list of things, I am smart, I am important, I am creative etc... I have placed it in my bathroom and every morning I tell myself this, the 1st time was very hard, as I don't really beleive any of this right now. But I beleive the more I say it to myself the more I beleive it. Just like believing I'm not important, special, etc... I had to tell myself that a lot and now I believe....

Good luck to you and your journey to recovery!! You can do it. You and only YOU hold the key!

Hi Mystical, how do you deal with the problem of feeling much more comfortable with feeling sad and having negativity? On days when I have control and I am not so busy and I have more energy it is easier to at least begin my day with positive self talk. But on those busy days when I have tons of homework and classes and exams etc. I just forget about self talk, and when I begin to remember my goal of being positive, I just don't want to be positive. I just want to be depressed, because thinking nicely about myself and my situations when it seems the world around you is a storm is just another mental fight, when I am already fighting a second fight with my everyday responsiblities to stay alive. I have learned for myself and have counseled to others that healing is very important, and that the first step is to vent out your feelings instead of holding them inside. After you let out your cries of pain instead of bottling it up, you do effective actions towards healing the wound and recovering. The problem for me is that I want to remain in those minor cries of pain in stress, and I don't have people that I can vent to all the time since I have moved recently. How can I stop dwelling in the comfortable zone of depression on an everyday basis for minor problems?

Light3 - I know where you are coming from, having 3 kids, a boyfriend & part-time job, it can be very hard somedays to deal with it all, especially when it seems not much is going right (and I of course feel it's all my fault when nothing goes right)and I think I should be positive, but I don't really want to or feel like it... I remind myself of how I am feeling, and that only I have the control to change that. I try to think of one of my "lowest" times, and how I felt & remind myself that I don't ever want to feel like that again. either way I am fighting... it's just remembering what side I'm fighting for.

Honestly somedays, I try and try to stay positive, but really it just doesn't work, so I try to realize that I'm just having a "bad" day and stay concious of it so I dont take it out on others. I am still a work in progress - not everyday is a "good" day - but they are becoming more and more!!

I didn't really realize until, this commitment to change myself, I have NO support system. My boyfriend doesn't understand, so I can't really talk to him about much of this. I have over the years "issolated" myself and never really realized it. I don't really have any "close" friends. I don't really know how or why, but it is what it is, so I've found it VERY helpful to get a notebook, just for my thoughts... almost like a journal, I keep it with me, and when my mind starts "racing" on all those things, writting them down to myself seems to help me be able to "work threw" them and give myself advise as if it were from a trusted friend. almost like as I'm writting, I'm reading a letter from a friend. I just started doing that about a week ago. So far though it has been VERY helpful. Although I wanted to write in it at least once a day, but don't always have the time, so I've done it once a day to even once everyother day. Instead of "beating myself" for not doing as "expected" I decided to congratulate myself for doing it, if not as much as I wanted at least still regularly at most there is only 1 day inbetween writings...

Don't know if any of that helped... but I hope so

Hi. I am new to this. I didn't even get the program in the mail yet but I am desperate. I get on my nerves so bad it makes me sick. I know all about positive self talk but how do you make yourself see something positive about yourself to talk about. In AA they say fake it till you make it. Today I'm not that good of an actress. I just needed to vent before I exploded. It's good to know that the statement 'nobody knows how I feel', is not true.

Nerveball, in the program they don't word it the same, but it is also kinda "fake it til you make it" you don't feel comfortable at 1st doing it because it's so un-natural to us as we've been talking negative sooooo long.... but just as over time we learned to do that - we can learn to talk positive to ourselves also. I would say though if you are like me you are going to have to start small... and not so black and white. You can't go from man I'm tired and crabby to no I'm wide a wake and happy as could be. I personally just try to focus more on at least stopping the negative. I am slowing learning to replace them after stopping them.

You have to committ to yourself that you are ready and want to change. It will take a bit of time, but you can do it!

Mystikal 1231 Thanks for the encouragement. I was in a bad place yesterday, not that today is much better. I'm still holding on though.I hate when I get so messed up in the head that I get physically sick but yet the doctor says that it's nothing wrong with me. Then I feel stupid and can't stand me. My mind tells me that all of the good stuff that I thought that I accomplished was just me lying to myself. It's like I can see this all playing out but yet I can't get out of it. I want control of my mind and what I think or feel but I keep giving it away. I want to change and I'm not as crazy as I sound. I just need to be able to believe that I can be taught. I can envision it and that is an improvement from how I used to be. Maybe this program is God's answer to my prayers.

first of all, you don't sound "crazy" at all! I completely understand & feel a bit the same. The more I work at it though and the further I get in the program... I am seeing that I am starting to have that "control". I've had to allow myself to not put a "time" or "expectations" on it anymore... I struggled a bit with thinking I should be better than I was at certian points or time....
I'm learning though - it's taken soooooo much time to get here, I can't expect to "fix" it all in just a couple weeks.. it's going to take time... and a lot of it.
I still have my "bad days" though when I just can't seem to "get a grip" and I let my mind control me more. But those are getting less and less.
Just keep pushing and you can do it!! stick it out and you will see!!

Hi everyone. I finally got the program and as usual i built my expectations so high that when I listened to the first tape I was disapointed because I thought I was going to be cured right there on the spot. Anyway I didn't give up though. I don't really have panic attacks per say, but I do have a lot of anxiety that seems to manifest itself as various illnesses. That seemed to be a common theme on the first two tapes, so I guess there's still hope. It's hard to ignore that crap but I'm getting better at it because I started trying before I got the tapes. The difference now is to try to get myself to replace it with positive stuff, I guess. Anyway at least I'm saving money on doctor bills. I can see stuff that I'm doing wrong but I can't seem to stop beating myself up about it instead of moving on. Sometimes anyway. Right now I'm into doing nothing, like not reacting. That's an improvement for me. I hope all of the newcomers are haning in there. Keep me posted.

Nerveball...I am sooo glad you finally recieved the program. Good for you on your progress so far. You will slowly start to see subtle changes and bigger ones to come. Keep up with the program and keep us posted!!!!