Joe B. I agree with the suggestions above about trying to stay positive yourself and trying not to react with anger. You sound a lot like my husband. He is very angry right now and has been under a lot of stress working 2 jobs to try to provide for me and our 4 children. However, the stress of him being gone all the time has caused a whole lot more stress and anxiety for me. I think wives tend to take on the stress and anxiety of every member of the family. When my husband is angry and stressed out, I naturally want to back away from him emotionally and physically. Women need to feel safe with the man they love, and physical closeness will not happen unless they feel emotionally safe. I tend to feel like it is always my fault that he is angry and stressed out, and it does not help that I feel he uses sex as a stress reliever. I have a hard time feeling close to him when I feel like all I am is "stress relief" to him.
I believe you get back whatever you give out, and if you are giving out negativity that is what you usually get back. I am starting to look at myself and see how negative I have been and with the help of this program I am trying to stay positive and not react with a lot of nagging or put downs. I read a great book called "Boundries, When to Say Yes and When to Say No" by Townsend and Cloud. It suggested that (just like the bubble idea above which I really like) you need to have emotional boundries that do not let the "bad" things in and only lets the "good" things out. When other people see only good things coming from you, they will eventually recipricate, or at least stop being negative back to you.
I had a counselor tell me that it was okay to feel angry, just not okay to react in anger. It is okay to let others know what makes you angry, as long as you do it in a manner that is not loud, attacking or may be perceived as threatening. My counselor said it was okay for me to say to people, "That makes me angry," or "it makes me angry when you..." And I think people appreciate it when they know if they have made you angry, especially when it is said in a non-threatening manner. Then they are more willing to change the behavior that made you angry in the first place, and you feel better having expressed it even if they do not change their behavior.
Keep trying to stay positive and be aware of how you react to people. I know it is hard, but it will be worth it later. You will eventually find yourself surrounded by positive people.
I AM SURROUNDED BY NEGATIVE PEOPLE!
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Guest
I am surrounded by a few negative people myself. My best friend has a new problem every day and she thinks that just because I am getting a degree in sociology that I am her free shrink. I am expected to have the answers to everything and listen to her problems every day. Just last night when she called with her list of problems I just listened for a while then I told her that I had somethings to do so I had to get off the phone. But I am having trouble telling her that I don't want to hear her crap at all anymore.
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Guest
hehe sounds a bit like me. My basic problem is that throughout the majority of my life I was and still am very negative thinker. I am also surrounded by negative, depressed people who I have no choice but to endure. I know that I can really wear down a normal person's soul I've never really had a support group or person who could stand listening to me. I've always had to depend on myself but its hard when you always have to lean on your own shoulder...