The whole positive thought process makes a lot of sense. I am writing my negative thoughts down and am making an effort to be positive.
My problem is THE NEGATIVE PEOPLE AROUND ME. My parents are NEVER positive. The can not enjoy themselves and are always piling negativity on me and my sister. Mind you, we are adults but I still have to interact with them unless I pack up and leave town, which is unrealistic.
My wife can be worse. For example, this morning, I wake up in a great mood, the program is making me better. Immediately she is on the attack. She is going to Florida to visit her mother with 2 of my kids. She insisted I stay back with my other son because of sports. Now, she is attacking me because I will be here in cold Chicago with a foot of snow. I brought up the sex thing in another topic and was slammed for it but I am making an effort to make things better and she continues to be an asexual bitch.
My business partner is 59 years old and acts like a 13 year old and is a mean harassing ass to our employees.
My rage is at its highest level and I am ready to snap. What am I supposed to do about these people who wear me down?
I want to be positive but I also do not want to be a passive aggressive, which is what happens if I do not fight. Then comes the anxiety and then the depression.
Help!
I AM SURROUNDED BY NEGATIVE PEOPLE!
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Guest
Hi Joe
Man can I relate! woweee.. I have posted about coworkers and spouses that bring you down, I dont get how we are supposed to recover in an enviroment that supported our negativity?
Nonetheless although I dont have a full answer I do keep telling myself I live for me, I control me, and get positivity is contagious I just need to keep it up- also life is 10% of what happened to you and 90% of how you react- dont forget that.. its important to keep that in mind. for instance yesterday I woke up great too.. my spouse started bitching about the mess he had to clean from his family being here all weekend b.c. I had to go to work.. all I said to him was "man your wasting a lot of energy this morning on the negativity of a mess.." and went off to work- I didnt even relize how much I underreacted and IT FELT AMAZING! he stated when I got in that night, "im sorry for doing that, I feel silly now" and I accepted, normally I would have flipped on him about how I did all the work all weekend and now I have to go to work.. and ruin MY whole day and morning, but it didnt!
keep practising the tools for YOU noone else, and I promise you once you feel strong enough mentally and in yourself you will not even notice the negativity b.c. it wont effect you and if you need to, you can make the appropriate change for you then. We are on average more sensitive than others in this regard until we are better, nothing will effect us like it did and ANOTHER THING you will take steps forward and back, the negativity fights back when you fight it so it will take time, just keep looking ahead, practise makes perfect and you will probably have to do the program over and over in those hard times.. keep a journal, especially a gratitude journal- write each day what you are thankful for and try and see the beauty of it all, being positive is easier than negative once you break the cycle
Also with respect to the anger, listen to session 6 that is anger based and really helps. (even if you have to skip ahead briefly to help ease the stress of the current session) anger is a reaction based emotion and once you arent angry upstairs mentally it will not spill into your regular life.. learn to underreact to the bad and blow up the good- have compassion for yourself and others and perhaps your wife will want to embrace the program too- anyone can learn from it, and I mean ANYONE!
Please feel free to PM if needed but have faith.. I promise you it will all come together, its a domino effect really.. patience and it will all come together, you are doing this just for you, life for you, no one else matters give yourself credit for that fact, and when you think about it we are silly for letting other people bother us, and worry b.c we are the ones losing our life for them.. they win in the end- rise above them and their behaviors.
Best wishes and please keep in touch!
Man can I relate! woweee.. I have posted about coworkers and spouses that bring you down, I dont get how we are supposed to recover in an enviroment that supported our negativity?
Nonetheless although I dont have a full answer I do keep telling myself I live for me, I control me, and get positivity is contagious I just need to keep it up- also life is 10% of what happened to you and 90% of how you react- dont forget that.. its important to keep that in mind. for instance yesterday I woke up great too.. my spouse started bitching about the mess he had to clean from his family being here all weekend b.c. I had to go to work.. all I said to him was "man your wasting a lot of energy this morning on the negativity of a mess.." and went off to work- I didnt even relize how much I underreacted and IT FELT AMAZING! he stated when I got in that night, "im sorry for doing that, I feel silly now" and I accepted, normally I would have flipped on him about how I did all the work all weekend and now I have to go to work.. and ruin MY whole day and morning, but it didnt!
keep practising the tools for YOU noone else, and I promise you once you feel strong enough mentally and in yourself you will not even notice the negativity b.c. it wont effect you and if you need to, you can make the appropriate change for you then. We are on average more sensitive than others in this regard until we are better, nothing will effect us like it did and ANOTHER THING you will take steps forward and back, the negativity fights back when you fight it so it will take time, just keep looking ahead, practise makes perfect and you will probably have to do the program over and over in those hard times.. keep a journal, especially a gratitude journal- write each day what you are thankful for and try and see the beauty of it all, being positive is easier than negative once you break the cycle
Also with respect to the anger, listen to session 6 that is anger based and really helps. (even if you have to skip ahead briefly to help ease the stress of the current session) anger is a reaction based emotion and once you arent angry upstairs mentally it will not spill into your regular life.. learn to underreact to the bad and blow up the good- have compassion for yourself and others and perhaps your wife will want to embrace the program too- anyone can learn from it, and I mean ANYONE!
Please feel free to PM if needed but have faith.. I promise you it will all come together, its a domino effect really.. patience and it will all come together, you are doing this just for you, life for you, no one else matters
give yourself credit for that fact, and when you think about it we are silly for letting other people bother us, and worry b.c we are the ones losing our life for them.. they win in the end- rise above them and their behaviors.Best wishes and please keep in touch!
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Guest
I have only recently become aware that my husband, my mother and my boss are all negative people, and all in different ways. My husband is passive agressive in his negativity, so it took me a long time to notice it. My mother catastrophizes everything and it seems like she only calls me when there's been a "tragedy". My boss is constantly exasperated at everything.
This may sound silly, but since I've started recognizing thier behavior, I have done three things:
1. I imagine a line or a bubble or a forcefield around me where they cannot "cross". It is my safe zone. I detach myself from anything they say or do that affects me negatively, but not without acknowledging it. I still respond to them, but in my "bubble", I can "send out" but it protects me from anything they send in. I literally pretend like their negativity is being deflected away from me before it gets to me.
2. I accept and forgive them immediately. I know and understand that they have thier issues, too. It makes me more patient with them.
3. Sometimes I take control in the form of avoidance. I shut my office door if my boss is amped up that day, or I don't answer the phone when my mother calls if I don't feel like hearing another horror story.
Hope this helps!
This may sound silly, but since I've started recognizing thier behavior, I have done three things:
1. I imagine a line or a bubble or a forcefield around me where they cannot "cross". It is my safe zone. I detach myself from anything they say or do that affects me negatively, but not without acknowledging it. I still respond to them, but in my "bubble", I can "send out" but it protects me from anything they send in. I literally pretend like their negativity is being deflected away from me before it gets to me.
2. I accept and forgive them immediately. I know and understand that they have thier issues, too. It makes me more patient with them.
3. Sometimes I take control in the form of avoidance. I shut my office door if my boss is amped up that day, or I don't answer the phone when my mother calls if I don't feel like hearing another horror story.
Hope this helps!
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Guest
Thank you Sandina.
Here is what makes this difficult and I would like your opinions.
When I get angry and fight back, the negative people around me become nice. It is like they only respect me when I snap. It also gives me a sense of release and relief.
What I need to find out is if I make the effort to be positive, how can I bury the rage or eliminate it all together?
I fought all of my life and I AM SICK OF FIGHTING.
Here is what makes this difficult and I would like your opinions.
When I get angry and fight back, the negative people around me become nice. It is like they only respect me when I snap. It also gives me a sense of release and relief.
What I need to find out is if I make the effort to be positive, how can I bury the rage or eliminate it all together?
I fought all of my life and I AM SICK OF FIGHTING.
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Guest
I have this problem as well. There is one woman I work with who seems to be on the tyrade all the time. She never stops. I have taken my ipod to work and wear the headphones but she even tries to talk over them. She just constantly complains about everything. I keep trying to convince myself that it will go away but it never does. I am really considering looking for a new job because of the negative people I work with. I was on top of the world this morning then I got to work and hadn't even made it to my room when she started ranting and raving about something. It gets me keyed up and anxious.
Wow - I identify but from the other end. I am incredibly negative to the point of irritating myself, which feeds back on itself. This is the root of my problem - being negative and anxious about every little thing that does not go the way I think it should. My wife and kids are suffering and I am missing the best part of my life. So your message is one that I intelectually understand and would only suggest that you talk with those that are "bringing you down" as they clearly have a problem as I do. I am trying to emotionally get my arms around my issue(s) and need all the help I can get. Perhaps your CLOSEST negative influence needs to stand back and look in the mirror!
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Guest
Joe B,
In reply to your question, I must say that "fighting back" is probably what negative people want you to do. When my husband is being negative (his is usually in the form of manic rage!) towards me, it's like he's beating me up and he isn't satisfied until either I break or I blow up. I have learned (and it's not easy to do) to be calm. Calm. Calm. I listen to him. I make calm, rational statements to let him know I am listening but not reacting. If this doesn't work or if he's still ranting, I will tell him firmly but lovingly, "I do not wish to discuss this with you right now if you cannot talk about it without yelling" or "Let's finish this conversation after you've calmed down". Sometimes I remind him that he must remember I am in a delicate state with my anxiety, and his negativity affects me, and if he loves me he will try to be more sensitive of that.
99% of the time he will spend awhile stewing over it and then come up to me later and apologize.
In reply to your question, I must say that "fighting back" is probably what negative people want you to do. When my husband is being negative (his is usually in the form of manic rage!) towards me, it's like he's beating me up and he isn't satisfied until either I break or I blow up. I have learned (and it's not easy to do) to be calm. Calm. Calm. I listen to him. I make calm, rational statements to let him know I am listening but not reacting. If this doesn't work or if he's still ranting, I will tell him firmly but lovingly, "I do not wish to discuss this with you right now if you cannot talk about it without yelling" or "Let's finish this conversation after you've calmed down". Sometimes I remind him that he must remember I am in a delicate state with my anxiety, and his negativity affects me, and if he loves me he will try to be more sensitive of that.
99% of the time he will spend awhile stewing over it and then come up to me later and apologize.
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Guest
Hi Joe,
I would suggest that you check out session 6 on anger and session 7 on assertive behavior- these will helps you big time right now (I know they say dont skip but use these in conjunction with the current session you are on)
Best wishes and you are so on the right track give yourself some credit
I would suggest that you check out session 6 on anger and session 7 on assertive behavior- these will helps you big time right now (I know they say dont skip but use these in conjunction with the current session you are on)
Best wishes and you are so on the right track give yourself some credit