Stress Center Peer Support

Hey, all. After this posting it's time to hit the books (Lucinda's workbook, I mean).

My biggest problem now is that I don't have a job. I don't have to pay rent, either, and I have money saved up so I'm okay for a long time.

Every time I think about getting a job, my brain starts barking at me that "I can't do it" or "I'm underqualified" or "why would anyone want to hire me?" There are times where these are valid (like being a computer programmer when I don't know C++), but it seems to happen with everything:

The job doesn't pay enough, I'm underqualified, I'm overqualified, they won't hire me because of my panic, I can't do manual labor because of my scoliosis, they'd just fire me in the end, etc.

There have been a few jobs I've jumped at, and had full on interviews (suit and tie, etc.) but they didn't go anywhere. I just wonder if I should take a job at a book store just to get myself out of the house and into the real world. You know, start small.

But then I think my friends will say, "Well, what the hell are you doing in this bookstore, you have a BA, you have a Master's Degree, etc."

I used to do freelance writing out of my house, but that was mainly as a survival technique. I didn't think I could cope with the real world, so I got a job where I could be safe at home. But now I'm itching to get out of home, only my brain won't stop criticizing me.

I guess these are just normal negative thoughts, yes?

Anyone have advice?

You are being hard on yourself, Doogie. Do you see this? It is part of the challenge of having PA and OCD. You are also experiencing the WPT's. (What people think).

It doesn't matter what others think and no matter what your decision is, you will need to allow yourself to feel your discomfort. In fact, welcome the feelings in. They will pass through you instead of staying stuck in you.

When the negative thoughts come: Allow them. You do not have to talk back to them. In other words, dismiss them. You are giving them wrong attention by resisting them and not wanting them there. I know it doesn't make sense to you right now, but it will, in time.

Also, write ten wonderful things down about yourself. Each day add one new positive thing about you. Read this list daily - read it with feeling.

You can counteract negative thinking, of course. It's always best to soothe and speak kindly to yourself, but sometimes, Doogie, those darn negative messages keep coming back anyway because of the nature of OCD. You have to get to a place where you simple do not give them any energy anymore.

Some good expressions to help you with this is:
So what.
Whatever!
Oh, you can do better than that!
I am always safe.

Hey doogie! Why not take the job in the bookstore, I bet you won't be the only one with a degree! Conversely, you might just be one smart cookie, and become the manager, or move up in some other way!
I once took a job at a tree nursery (out in the fields for like $5 an hour)and my boss asked me everyday, why in the world are you doing this? I simply said, because I've never done it before, and wanted to see what it would be like!
Life is an adventure! and if you don't like the bookstore, maybe you would like the library.

maybe talk to your counselor about the attitude, timing, and type of job (maybe start with volunteering) that might be good right now.
btw, glad you set the goal to work in the Stress workbook. . . you should journal at the end of the day (or Stress "work" day), maybe even on here (!) about the insight that comes from doing the assignment.