Stress Center Peer Support

Well, it's 7:01 on Christmas Eve and I'm in my condo all alone. I've been invited to four different events (including my parents' place) but I can't seem to bring myself to go to any of them. I don't want to see my family because I'm sick of all the dependency and other BS, and I'm not interested in going to the other three because I feel that they're "pity" invites, and that the people who invited me should be with their own families.

So, here I sit, in the dark, listening to my brain.

Part of me thinks that I need to just stick out Christmas, that if I can make it through Christmas Eve and Christmas Day without having to see anyone, I'll have proven my own independence and that it'll make me less anxious.

That's the plan, anyway.

Is this negative thinking?

Your thinking is not making you feel better about yourself. I am on the website because I was sort of thinking the same kind of thing and wanted a distraction. I just realized (likely through divine revelation since I have been asking God about this for years) that I have impossibly high expectations of the people in my life. I, especially, have always held my father up as though he were God incarnate. As a result, holidays have always been miserable for me. This year I lowered my expectations and feel so much better. I don't expect that my family and friends won't disappoint me even at this time of year. I love them and now I am willing to accept them just as they are -- warts and all. I hope my story helps you decide how to spend the next few days and that you realize that anxiety will likely be something you deal with no matter what you choose to do. The good news is that you have the knowledge that you need to deal with the anxious moments.

i used to be just like you hated the holidays just wnated to get through them any way possible. now that i have lost my family i would give any thing to be able to go back to them times and not blow them off. if i ever get the opertunity to have these again i will not take them for granted. for now i have no one to be with on the holidays but i will not let it bring me down

Doog, take the invites for face value. If you are like I was, it's the self-loathing or lack of confidence that is going through your mind. too many of us had to sit in chat with any invite to a party, so please be glad yyou were invited to something!
Our thinking gets bad towards ourselves.