Stress Center Peer Support

So I just had an amazing class today and I figured i would share the wisdom that has come from it.

Typically in the western world we have come to see negativity as bad, something that we need to prevent and avoid at all costs. Most of us have been brought up to believe that we need to be as perfect as possible, do things perfectly. This has also made alot of us feel guilty, shameful, self-hating, fearful, inadequate...input any negative feeling i left out. So of course we're going to feel anxious & depressive when we are setting ourself up for all these feelings. The more you fight anything (be it something internal or external), the more you are going to be in the fight or flight mode and the more you are going to keep yourself in an anxious state and the fun things that go with it (decreased digestive system, decreased immune system...etc).

So what are we suppose to do if we aren't suppose to make us feel bad for the bad stuff we have (i worded it like that on purpose). Well Acceptance is a good start. Allow ourselves to have some faults and negative parts...they usually don't just show up for no reason. Our life path has lead to getting the good and bad parts and thats alright, this doesn't mean we have to live with them forever. We have the options to improve ourselves and grow beyond our limitations and overcome these things. Now bare with me this may seem a little funny. What we need to do after accepting is to like our negative parts. Now i know what you're thinking...dear merciful god, how can anybody like the things that cause us to suffer the way we are. Well what we are taught in this program is to learn to laugh at yourself...i'm starting to get this just now, after 4 years of being with this program. It was only from my class (not within the program), did i really appreciate this lesson. You need to find a way to see it in a humorus way. Like for instance that way that i worded it earlier.

If we aren't suppose to make us feel bad for the bad stuff we have

Do you realize how funny that sounds. I don't remember reading anywhere that making us feel bad about bad stuff is going to make us feel better. Would you keep putting your hand on an open flame if it burned you the first time? Probabbly not.

So my proposal to you is to come up with at least 1 thing that is negative about yourself that you'd like to deal with and make it into something funny. See the humor in what the thought has to bring. If you're having a difficult time, try finding it in someone else that you have alot in common with and then see if you can relate to that person. This doesn't have to be painful and suffering...lets make it fun and light.

Mike

Ok so i'll start off with one.

I had a friend have a conversation with me today and I guess he finally got sick and tired about how our conversations were mostly based on health and healing and such. It bothered me soooo much because I knew i had done this and I already agreed that it was something i did bad. I beat myself up for doing this bad thing and because i had done it in the past with many people. Well that sure made myself feel better. In fact, this has been like this for soooo long that i knew i had to become a super human. Having no faults what so ever, I had to make myself into a god-like person before I could talk to this person again...the funny thing about this, when i really got to thinking...one person's negativity stimulates another person's negativity. I thought i was a bad person because of what he said...but honestly, he has alot of health isssues that he is dealing with and he didn't feel comfortable hearing about it....So i would have wasted my time becoming superman because of someone elses insecurities. I was also expecting myself to not have any problems dispite the challenges i've gone through in my life...how rediculous is that?


Mike
PS...I wanted to be so perfect that I would fart potpori & be able to stay awake for days at a time without any negative side effects...And i also wanted to be able to intake more than i was eliminating...that's resonable right?

When I start hearing myself making small things into a catastrophic event I imagine a big cartoon character (Daffy Duck or the Road Runner) running around my house yelling "Oh my God the world is ending, we are all gonna die. You have to do something now!" This may sound absurd but it actually helps bring things back into perspective for me and makes me laugh at myself. When I'm with other people and I hear myself doing this, I envision myself as this crazy cartoon character and start laughing. I hope I don't sound too weird here, but this was actually suggested by a therapist.

Sometimes you have to take wierd measures to counter wierd thoughts and actions. If it makes you laugh and feel lighter then it is great and who cares if it isn't what everybody else does. You ever see yourself as that chicken that is having scary obsessive thoughts about the sky falling down because and acorn fell on her head?

Here is one...I typically feel that i can only really accomplish the tasks that i want during the day and I expect myself to get a ton of things done but, I get to sleep really late and wake up late so i don't have so much time to do them and then I beat myself up for not getting them done. Maybe one of the things on my list should be to build a machine that can slow down time or allow me to travel back in time...I think it is just as realistic.

Mike

Ok so i have a few of these negative behaviors and thoughts. I found a really good one to put up here.

So i have this problem with sleep...if i get to bed too late then i feel all spacy and lightheaded and bewildered the next day, regardless if i get 8 hours of sleep or not. I've been really sporatic with the hours i go to sleep over the course of a week and there are days where i eat within 2 hours of planning to go to sleep. I then expect myself to get to sleep up to 5 hours earlier than i did the night before and then i beat myself up because i cannot do it. Wow how rediculous is that.

The body is ment to go through change gradually and i'm making such a big change. No wonder it isn't work and i'm not feeling tired enough to sleep. How can someone force themselves to get to sleep after only been up for 7 hours? That's funny. I can finally see this and how dumb it looks. I then beat myself up more and more...I feel bad so, I'm going to make myself feel worse. This is a great plan That is like dropping many anvils on my toes in an attempt to focus on something other than my toes.

Mike

Just to let people know who may not understand, I may tend to call these negative things as stupid, rediculous...etc but this does not mean that I am trying to make myself feel worse...it also doesn't mean that i am stupid or rediculous myself. It just means I am looking at this thought and devaluing it.

If you think of it, we all have these times where we do things that don't make sense or are really silly. Like accidentally spreading peanut butter on a book instead of toast, text messaging someone saying you'll be back in 20 manures or other funny things. This is not just something within us...everybody does it!!!

It is like a clown. They can either be scary or funny (sometimes boring and stupid too) and it really depends on the person. That clown is our negativity. So how are you going to respond to it? Does it feel better to be afraid or to be laughing?

I know it is very difficult but look at it logically...ask yourself if this would honestly fix the problem, how often does what you think actually happen? (when was the last time you saw someone turn into a puddle? or become drunk from having a few drops of alcohol land on their skin, or when was the last time that you saw someone wearing a mind-reading device?) If it helps...look at other people's negativity and try to make fun of it in your head first and then it'll get easier to accept your own.

Wow if you think of it, with all the negative thoughts we have it would be easy to come up with a stand up routine on stage if we really wanted to.

So please don't feel afraid to share. After all we aren't perfect so stop acting like it. Would you rather be worried about being perfect or enjoying being faulty? Which one feels more stressful?


Mike

I just watched a show last night where the lady was getting a whole-life makeover. She was similar to how I used to be but I haven't let go of everyhthing yet. A total control freak who has no fun in their life is where so many people are. But this is what I gained from the "coach" she spoke with. "There is no such thing as perfection. We can only strive for excellence and only we know where that standard is for ourselves." I thought that was a great thought and idea and I tell others that all the time. Now, I just need to believe it for myself. -J

nspyredj

Great post...I didn't know there were shows that do whole-life makeovers. That sounds pretty great.

I can understand the need to control which is absolutely a valid habit after being in a state of anxiety and depression. Our minds are trying to keep us from harm and in that state we are so fearful that it is easy to harm us. Usually it starts within our own little bubble...we set a specific daily routine and will try to avoid doing anything else outside of it as if it was the plague...then it spreads to others...we put ourselves in their shoes. This means we are putting our anxiety and depression in their shoes and percieving their life with it and making judgements on them.

That statement seems to be a really good one. For myself i have to look at how silly it is to put myself through a tremendous ammount more stress in order to make things perfect and see the laughing and humor i get to miss out on with the mistakes and faults.

Since i've learned this, you would not believe how much easier it is to do things. I can actually see myself doing some of the things that i'm worried about. Things that i know will cause me anxiety.

Mike