I worry to be prepared.

Sheri7 · Post by **Sheri7** » Tue Feb 12, 2008 3:08 am

I am on lesson 3. I am supposed to keep a record of all my negative thoughts. Negative thoughts and worry go hand in hand. For me one feeds off the other. I am trying not to think negative thoughts. I noticed I don't know what to think about. If I am not worrying I feel like I am unprepared for the "bad thing" that could happen. Without my "good friend" Worry, I feel my guard is down. I know this has to do with my totally chaotic and traumatic childhood. I need to feel safe, I never feel safe.

jenmelberg · Post by **jenmelberg** » Tue Feb 12, 2008 3:49 am

HI Sheri,

I completely understand your point and can relate still.. I felt that way before too!

A big part of recovery is becoming in touch with your life again, becoming excited about what lies ahead.. and as worriers we miss the excitement and good things pass us by because of the constant worry. When I dont worry I enjoy my life and generally (I think) I get the same outcome. When you become your own safe person, yes, you are your own safe person, (and session 3 is the core of this theory) then you do not need to worry because no matter what happens, even worse case scenario you can handle it. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of reaction. think about this, by worrying all the time you lose the precious momments in life. In life thats all we have, those momments make our life, literally. If you died tomorrow would you be happy with your today? Its a vicious cycle really:

1. the negative thinking creates bad feelings and creates anxiety and depression over time- you are what you think!

2. the thoughts manifest into depression and obessing

3. overtime your body starts to wear down which creates a down mood- the negative thoughts continue to reenforce these feelings and push you down more

4. you lose the lust for life, everything seems impossible (of course! your living in negative thoughts)

5. you cant make decisions, begin beating yourself up and then push yourself farther down, nothing seems good anymore. Your eating and sleeping becomes unstable and creates more bad feelings.

6. The 'should' list starts and the guilt gets worse.. its a vicious cycle..

Once the cycle is broken and you begin to trust yourself and begin to get 'better' again than all of these things follow, you wont feel like you need to worry b.c you are safe and the world is a great place (there isnt much to hide from anymore) I know personally when im doing well I feel like there is a mean person not around me anymore, and its me!

I hope you can make some sense out of my rambling.. this has been very unique to me and I wish you all the best with your recovery and journey to recovery!

Keep in touch!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Feb 12, 2008 3:54 am

I totally understand what you mean. I also feel like if I don't worry I'm letting my guard down. It's like the worrying has protected us from something bad happening or preparing us for the worst. I'm trying to break this bad habit too. I also just started lesson 3 and I'm hoping this will help us.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Feb 12, 2008 4:19 am

Hi everyone! Keep in mind that it takes time to get out of this vicious worry cycle. I, too, felt like if I worried about something and analyzed it up and down, I could prepare myself for the worst. This program is really helping to change that mindset, but I still will have days when I start worrying about something. Now, I just stop myself because I realize that it is negative thinking and nothing that I have ever worried about has come to pass. I guess I also feel that if something bad is going to happen, it's going to happen and you can't change that. You can only try to deal with it as best you can. Just keep working the program and keep in mind that we have been conditioning our minds to worry for years, we cannot expect a turn around in a few weeks. Also, are you exercising? I find myself in way better psychological and emotional shape when I am exercising on a regular basis!! Good luck!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Feb 13, 2008 2:30 am

I totally understand where you are coming from. We are human and we are going to worry about the trials and tribulations of life. Worrying is o.k. however, excessive worrying to the point of emotional upset and interfering with activities is what we want to eliminate. Reality is we are going to worry because we are human. It is a good trait to have, however anything to excess that becomes disruptive is what we want to eliminate. We are human we are going to have negative thoughts. Some negative thoughts are true! But we want to focus on improving "rational responses" to our negative thoughts. Rational responses are real, comforting, empowering responses to any negative, angry, anxious thought.

JmGiz · Post by **JmGiz** » Thu Feb 14, 2008 5:10 am

Thank you so much for your kind helpful advice. All we have is "Today" I will try and stop thinking about tomorrow.

Originally posted by Maeggie:
HI Sheri,

I completely understand your point and can relate still.. I felt that way before too!

A big part of recovery is becoming in touch with your life again, becoming excited about what lies ahead.. and as worriers we miss the excitement and good things pass us by because of the constant worry. When I dont worry I enjoy my life and generally (I think) I get the same outcome. When you become your own safe person, yes, you are your own safe person, (and session 3 is the core of this theory) then you do not need to worry because no matter what happens, even worse case scenario you can handle it. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of reaction. think about this, by worrying all the time you lose the precious momments in life. In life thats all we have, those momments make our life, literally. If you died tomorrow would you be happy with your today? Its a vicious cycle really:

1. the negative thinking creates bad feelings and creates anxiety and depression over time- you are what you think!

2. the thoughts manifest into depression and obessing

3. overtime your body starts to wear down which creates a down mood- the negative thoughts continue to reenforce these feelings and push you down more

4. you lose the lust for life, everything seems impossible (of course! your living in negative thoughts)

5. you cant make decisions, begin beating yourself up and then push yourself farther down, nothing seems good anymore. Your eating and sleeping becomes unstable and creates more bad feelings.

6. The 'should' list starts and the guilt gets worse.. its a vicious cycle..

Once the cycle is broken and you begin to trust yourself and begin to get 'better' again than all of these things follow, you wont feel like you need to worry b.c you are safe and the world is a great place (there isnt much to hide from anymore) I know personally when im doing well I feel like there is a mean person not around me anymore, and its me!

I hope you can make some sense out of my rambling.. this has been very unique to me and I wish you all the best with your recovery and journey to recovery!

Keep in touch!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 12:39 pm

I can relate to this.I find myself worrying about most of the projects I have ever done in my life, thinking they were not done properly and would be judged by the rest of the world.I have slowly discovered that my biggest critics have there own problems in life and could care less about mine. Still I can't convince myself of this.I try to hard to be perfect and i drive myself crazy. I have listened to session 3 several times and I feel like it's starting to sink in. I'm ready for a change. I've missed to much quality life now.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 1:03 pm

I follow through and try and still make mistakes. Can anyone relate to over reacting with mistakes at work? Its like I was fine at work and when I came to write my negative the feeling grew. I just have issues when I make mistakes. It was math and entering invoices. It was a little challenging because there were lots of figures to take in considerataion. I did the best I could and I did my best. It just bothers me that I did not do it correctly even though it was the first time I entered them.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Feb 21, 2008 6:25 am

I've been a worrier all my life. I learned it from my mother. I think I always felt that somehow if I worried enough about something then it would prevent it from happening. Crazy huh? I was told at one time (by a therapist) that I needed to work on my problem solving skills and if I felt confident enough about my ability to solve problems my worry may decrease. Makes sense to me but I'm still working on this one.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Mar 03, 2008 1:24 am

I have certainly felt the same way. If I don't think about every possible outcome of a situation, then I won't be prepared for possible bad outcomes. I think we do this for two reasons. 1) We think that be obsessing about the possible bad outcomes we can prepare ourselves for them and possibly change them. We probably have all been taken by surprise by a bad outcome and worriers and overthinkers that we are, we want to be able to change that. 2) If we think about every possible outcome, we won't be upset when the bad outcome happens.

At least that's my $0.02.