Stress Center Peer Support

This session has been a little confusing to me. I feel as though the session on negative self-talk is geared towards people who create imagined negative situations and consequences, and dwell on them. For instance, the discussion about driving and turning in traffic, or getting through a turbulent flight. It's not that I don't create imaginary negative scenarios or have plenty of these types of racing thoughts to which I can apply the techniques taught in the program to combat them, but I definitely have a lot of actual REAL negative issues that I obsess about constantly. I don't know how to replace these negative thoughts and beliefs with positive ones because, frankly, there is nothing positive about the situation! A couple examples, without getting too personal, are some very real health issues accompanied by an impending divorce, behavioral problems concerning my children, and a huge financial dilemma. It's always something, really. Friends joke about the "dark cloud" following me around. I would never be able to write down every negative thought. I'd live my entire life writing. I feel absolutely out of control.

I'm really sorry for what you're going thru...sounds like a lot of troubles are on your heart right now. As a Christian, I KNOW that you're not given more than you can handle; that thru the storm, if you keep your eye on God and follow His guidelines, the blessings in store for you, after you conquer the troubles will be worth all the effort and trouble...keep the faith and KNOW that you're in the palm of His hand! That that doesn't break us makes us that much stronger! Although you're struggling with some hard life issues right now, TRY to find and focus on the GOOD that is happening in and around you...there's always good to be found! Give your energy to the good/positives and not so much toward the negatives...what you put your energies into is what will surround you...hopefully soon you will be surrounded more by good/positives and be all the more stronger for your other current experiences...
hold tight, the storms of life ought not last too long! Just remember, "this too shall pass"!
Best wishes...

I would try to list some of the bad and negative situations you've been thru before and look at how you handled it and what the poucome

oops- scratch this post reply. wrong one.

HUgs hugs and more hugs!!!!
Start out slow with replacing those negative thoughts and break each stream of negatives into small pieces.
YES YOU CAN DO IT> Give it a try.

Let's take your post and go from there.
"I don't know how to replace..."
Try this or something like it:
I'm just starting out with learning how to do this and that's OK if I can't come up with a direct counter to the negatives just yet.
or
I'm new to this and as I go through the program this will get easier.

"an impending divorce..."
Ahh, just these simple words, ouch.
try
Life is changing for me right now and I'll learn to handle it more effectively by working on this program. Yup, I really will. I already started.

"..huge financial dilemma..."
Try
Right now my finances aren't what I'm comfortable with,(OK maybe they stink right now) but I'll get to the point where my finances will improve. It'll take a bit of time, but in the meantime, we'll be OK.Better times are up ahead.
Nooo way, don't shake your head at that one!
Things WILL look up.

"Friends joke about the "dark Cloud..."
TELL THEM TO KNOCK IT OFF and send some encouraging, uplifting thoughts and words your way!!!!
TRY
Hmmmmm, maybe it would be a good thing to surround myself with friends who are more positive.

"I would never be able to write down every negative thought"
Try-
I can start by writing down a few a day and working on positives to replace them and just make little checks marks in a tiny notebook for the rest of them, or most of them. If I can't think of a positive for all of the ones I write down, SO WHAT, at least I realized that the thought was negative. It's a start.

"I feel absolutely out of control"
try
OK, there's no way I'm absolutely out of control if I can sit here and post on this website
and
By the way, anybody would feel a bit, or a lot overwhelmed with divorce on the horizon, and kid issues. This will pass, it will.
It's OK that I'm feeling stressed and I'm going to learn and have already started on the path to dealing with all of this better.

Don't pick on yourself so much!!!!!

Lots of us have been to H-- and back at least once and guess what????
Life is good, and this program is great.

We have rough times,and bad moments and every one of them passes. We just have to let each one go as they do.
Now go hug yourself and keep on learning how to love yourself.
You'll get there.
God bless and hugs!

That's tough one.

Perhaps you should do the exercise of setting a time to worry that Lucinda talks about. Throughout the day tell yourself I am going to worry about this at whatever time you set aside. This may help with it not controlling your day.

When you sit down for your worry time...it's obvious that these are negative experiences in your life, so you can't just say, oh, I'm not going to get a divorce.
Instead you can say, okay, this is my reality. It hurts, it scares me but this is what it is. I will get through this. Start to surround yourself with people and books etc. to uplift about getting through these different issues. As far as finances, start getting material and putting a plan together. Accept that this is where you are and remind yourself that so many people have it much worse. Get creative about solutions. Come to peace with a lifestyle you may have to have for a while that is not as lavish as you would like. If you can't change this immediately, you can say that it is only money and things. If you decide to enjoy your life just the way it is, you will find peace. You can't tell yourself these real things aren't happening, or that it doesn't hurt, or feel like your life is falling apart. I can tell you that many people have gone through such things and started over and have a very fulfilling life. I know that doesn't take the pain and fear out of your heart...but I believe these are the things that are going to give you hope. Finding material and affirmations, joining groups that will help you to believe that you will come through this and that your life can and will get back on track again.

Just a thought, but I finished this program and began on acceptance and commitment. Instead of replacing the thoughts, you face them head on, deal with them so that you aren't affected by them anymore. I just couldn't replace all the bad memories in my thoughts, but I'm now working through handling each thing at a time.

All of your responses have been so helpful to me. I am having severe financial difficulties, living in a situation with my husband that is not good but has to be for now, and am struggling with having my oldest daughter not want to live at home because of the verbal and emotional abuse we have suffered because of my husband. I just keep tellng myself...I am doing what I can to make the best of this. I am working on my fiancial situation to fix it and accepting the mistakes that I made to get in this position. And I am just pouring all the love on my daughter that I can so that she will know that I support her and wnat to help her make the best decisions for her happiness and peace....It isn't always easy and I back slide with negative thoughts, but I just keep plugging away. My biggest obstacle is the ending of an affair with a gentleman who started out as my friend and now we have completely destroyed the realtionship due to the affair. I miss him, his friendship, and his help professionally and personally. I know that it is not healthy for either one of us to be together, but I can't get thoughts of him out of my head. Any help with that one?

Cris,

Oh honey...
First off, about the affair. It is especially hard making the right decisions in this area when you are so overwhelmed with issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder. Mainly because for some of us this is all consuming and so relationships that make us feel safe and "good/happy" or uplift us are hard to let go of. When you struggle with these things internally, you emotionally NEED outlets and things that uplift you and bring peace and joy to your life.
I read a book once called "How to Fall Out of Love", I can't remember the author, but it was very good. I was having a hard time letting go of a relationship that I knew wasn't right for me.
I would say make a list of all the things that lift you up, make you feel good about yourself etc. and start doing those things or surrounding yourself with those friends as often as possible. You have to meet the emotional needs you have, so you have to find another way to do that.
The next thing I would tell you to do is take a hard look at your life and your relationship. What can you do to protect yourself from abuse?? Start to look at the different aspects of your life and ask yourself what would be the healthiest decision here?
We have to take care of ourselves.

Frances:
Thanks for your reply. It really helps. Looking back over the relationship is was safe, did lift me up, helped me to not feel crazy and alone...it certainly was not something that could sustain me.I know that now, but still struggle with loving myself enough to not feel that loss anymore.
As for the abuse...I need to stay in this realtionship with my husband for financial reasons. I have told him right out that it is only a financial decision and that is it. But in the process my daughter won't live at home. Which is a hard thing for me, but she is making the decision based on what is best for her! I must have done something right in raising her. So right now the only decision I can make is to have him in my house. I am working on a plan to get him out again though. It may take some time, but I will not live like this forever.
Thanks again for your kind words and support.
Peace,
Cris