Hi folks,
I am really, really struggling to develop my positive thoughts here - but when I try to turn my thoughts around it just sounds phony - like I am sugar-coating or hiding the truth of my inadequacy. I cannot shake the belief that I am no good, cannot talk myself out of if. I can come up with so much to feel bad/guilty about, but nothing that I do that I really think of with pride. I mean I feel blessed in my life and the people around me - but just cannot come up with the goods myself. When I am down like this, just trying to do something to snap out of it - housework, office work, spending time with my kids ends up backfiring because I am so busy criticizing my actions in my mind that I just feel worse and worse. I am conscious that it is my mind that is causing this - but I cannot seem to find the power to still the flow of negative, self-abusive thoughts.
I probably do not have a right to post here, because I have not been very successful at following through. Lack the discipline. I always have the eternal hope that I will somehow change and find a way to be regular, consistent, dedicated - the program makes so much sense and the success stories inspiring.
I am just finding this really hard to put the advice into practice and am looking for concrete advice. I hear people saying "it is hard to break a habit, stick to it" .... but stick to what exactly. I don't think I am even getting out the door. Can anyone sympathize. Better yet, is there anyone else who was in my position and succeeded where I have not....
just can't turn off the dialogue
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Guest
Hi there! When you find yourself saying things like: I am sugar-coating or hiding the truth of my inadequacy. Stop! Write that down and re-write it to:
Negative:
I am sugar-coating or hiding the truth of my inadequacy.
Positive:
I am adequate. I'm working at making life changes and they will take some time. It's okay. (That doesn't sound sugar coated does it??) I mean come on there is no way you can be inadequate
OR
Negative:
I am conscious that it is my mind that is causing this - but I cannot seem to find the power to still the flow of negative, self-abusive thoughts.
Positive:
This is my mind racing with negative thoughts. It's ok, I am experiencing anxiety and I will get better. With time and work.
I have this book called: Self Meditation 3299 mantras, tips, quotes, and koans. It helps when I'm feeling negative.
I totally understand where you are coming from. We create these negative thoughts so we don't have to focus on what is really bothering us. You can do this, you can change your thoughts. You are totally worth investing the time and energy in creating the habit of changing your thoughts. You have every right to post here. You are human and not perfect and its okay, it really is!
You don't have to be program super star to have the "right" to post here. Don't give up yourself
Negative:
I am sugar-coating or hiding the truth of my inadequacy.
Positive:
I am adequate. I'm working at making life changes and they will take some time. It's okay. (That doesn't sound sugar coated does it??) I mean come on there is no way you can be inadequate
OR
Negative:
I am conscious that it is my mind that is causing this - but I cannot seem to find the power to still the flow of negative, self-abusive thoughts.
Positive:
This is my mind racing with negative thoughts. It's ok, I am experiencing anxiety and I will get better. With time and work.
I have this book called: Self Meditation 3299 mantras, tips, quotes, and koans. It helps when I'm feeling negative.
I totally understand where you are coming from. We create these negative thoughts so we don't have to focus on what is really bothering us. You can do this, you can change your thoughts. You are totally worth investing the time and energy in creating the habit of changing your thoughts. You have every right to post here. You are human and not perfect and its okay, it really is!
You don't have to be program super star to have the "right" to post here. Don't give up yourself
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Guest
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Guest
I wanted to say something to give you encouragement, but I think Rachel said it all. Just know that you are worthy.
It's hard to shake, I know, I'm still working on it. But I am slowly seeing improvement. And for me that's a major step. I've known I was a negative thinker for years and couldn't seem to stop.
It's amazing how empowering this program can be if you just let go, and let it.
We can all get through this together. You are not alone anymore.
Debbie
It's hard to shake, I know, I'm still working on it. But I am slowly seeing improvement. And for me that's a major step. I've known I was a negative thinker for years and couldn't seem to stop.
It's amazing how empowering this program can be if you just let go, and let it.
We can all get through this together. You are not alone anymore.
Debbie
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Guest
Dear Aussie,I know exactly what you are talking about. I have the program 1 year now. I made a little progress when I did it. I am doing it the second time with friends. We collaberate and support each other. We keep on track with the program. Everyone goes at their own speed. I am only now really making progress. I like tne book stores so I have found other books to supplement my program. I finally came to the reliazation of how negative I was and how it is affecting my life.
I can only say our brain will believe what we tell it. We all have had bad stuff in orr lives and if we stay thinking about it we cannot put good positive thoughts in our brain. Why not start over as we did and go according to the lesson plan. Do the relaxation tape a few times a day. I didn't know how to relax .
I have been telling myself good stuff for a few months now and I am doing better. I still have my moments but they are moments .
I get out of the house more and think about the good things going on. It is hard work changing the habit of negative thinking. You wouldn't be feeling as you do if you weren't a negative thinker. PM me any time. The book on positive affirmations is a good thing to do. I have one but I will try to find the one mentioned here. Natalie
I can only say our brain will believe what we tell it. We all have had bad stuff in orr lives and if we stay thinking about it we cannot put good positive thoughts in our brain. Why not start over as we did and go according to the lesson plan. Do the relaxation tape a few times a day. I didn't know how to relax .
I have been telling myself good stuff for a few months now and I am doing better. I still have my moments but they are moments .
I get out of the house more and think about the good things going on. It is hard work changing the habit of negative thinking. You wouldn't be feeling as you do if you weren't a negative thinker. PM me any time. The book on positive affirmations is a good thing to do. I have one but I will try to find the one mentioned here. Natalie
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Guest
Negative scary thoughts are a huge problem for me....they cause me a host of body symptoms which then I worry about so its a vicious cycle....for instance I woke up this morning feeling that fainty, low blood sugar feeling...( I know its just feelings but does it scare me so!)....
I struggle with trying to tell myself that its nothing its just anxiety and it will go away your working it up into something its not.
But Its hard when Im in that moment.
I try to distract myself and count by adding 1+1 then 2+2 then 4+4 etc.....anything to retrain my brain into a new path.
I agree with the post that says that we are probably anticipating something coming up...mornings are so rough for me that I almost find myself going to bed saying I hope tomorrow isnt the same.....
I read in your post that you have kids that have some developement challanges and I have a son that has some too and its a very heavy stress to bear. Give yourself a break. Your a wonderfull mother I am sure and you put all your time and energy into those kids and you got out for one day and really had a nice time but having to face the same old same old the next day is natural to feel a bit down....of course our sensitive systems take that into high gear and go bananas.....
Dont get frustrated when you have a set back....just know that it will pass and you will have many many many more nice days.
Dont ever feel unworthy of this site....thats silly.....come here as often as you like I love the chat forum myself.....its exactly what we need when we are having a low time and it feels so great to help someone else when we are actually doing well.
Good luck to you and to me....together we will get through this!
I struggle with trying to tell myself that its nothing its just anxiety and it will go away your working it up into something its not.
But Its hard when Im in that moment.
I try to distract myself and count by adding 1+1 then 2+2 then 4+4 etc.....anything to retrain my brain into a new path.
I agree with the post that says that we are probably anticipating something coming up...mornings are so rough for me that I almost find myself going to bed saying I hope tomorrow isnt the same.....
I read in your post that you have kids that have some developement challanges and I have a son that has some too and its a very heavy stress to bear. Give yourself a break. Your a wonderfull mother I am sure and you put all your time and energy into those kids and you got out for one day and really had a nice time but having to face the same old same old the next day is natural to feel a bit down....of course our sensitive systems take that into high gear and go bananas.....
Dont get frustrated when you have a set back....just know that it will pass and you will have many many many more nice days.
Dont ever feel unworthy of this site....thats silly.....come here as often as you like I love the chat forum myself.....its exactly what we need when we are having a low time and it feels so great to help someone else when we are actually doing well.
Good luck to you and to me....together we will get through this!
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Guest
Hi Aussieauntie,
I totally know what you are talking about! Trying to come up with a positive thought felt like I was lying to myself or trying to blow sunshine *** (beep- I think you know where).I too have the distorted belief that I'm not worth it or no good. I have been trying to "get" this changing negitive thoughts into positive ones for years; though I started with some other books that basically gave the same advise as this program.
While I'm getting better at it, it still is difficult for me. What I found that helped, was;
1. First, start off by looking at all the good things you have done in your life. I had such good negitive thinking that I could come up with reasons to discount a lot of it, but going back and saying "Yeah I did that" or "Yeah I accomplished that" helped me to see that I have done some things well.
2. The next thing that helped was to realize that I am not perfect and nothing I do will be perfect (yes I am a perfectionist)this is really hard for me but I'm working on it; so when I'm trying to distract myself by doing some cleaning or housework, usually at the end of it, I've never accomplished as much as I wanted to do or gotten it the way I want but I tell myself that at least it is a start and I can do somemore later if I decide I want to.
3.It is about keeping it realistic. And for the longest time, I didn't really understand what that meant either: but I think 'realistic' is different for everyone. For example; for myself, realistic is seeing that I'm never going to be Martha Stewart and have a home like hers; it's too much stress and expectation for me, so keeping my home neat and tidy and not expecting it to look like a page from a magazine is the realistic thought I tell myself.
What has also helped me is that I started opening up to friends and family about my distorted thinking and they are great at pointing out the good stuff I do, that I minimize and don't take credit for.
I am continuing to work on my distorted beliefs (as that's where the distorted thoughts are coming from. I would not call myself a success yet with "empowering thought replacement" but I do finally think I "get" what it is about, so I hope this helps you. I'd be glad to talk to you some more if you like. Just know you are worth it and you can do it!
I totally know what you are talking about! Trying to come up with a positive thought felt like I was lying to myself or trying to blow sunshine *** (beep- I think you know where).I too have the distorted belief that I'm not worth it or no good. I have been trying to "get" this changing negitive thoughts into positive ones for years; though I started with some other books that basically gave the same advise as this program.
While I'm getting better at it, it still is difficult for me. What I found that helped, was;
1. First, start off by looking at all the good things you have done in your life. I had such good negitive thinking that I could come up with reasons to discount a lot of it, but going back and saying "Yeah I did that" or "Yeah I accomplished that" helped me to see that I have done some things well.
2. The next thing that helped was to realize that I am not perfect and nothing I do will be perfect (yes I am a perfectionist)this is really hard for me but I'm working on it; so when I'm trying to distract myself by doing some cleaning or housework, usually at the end of it, I've never accomplished as much as I wanted to do or gotten it the way I want but I tell myself that at least it is a start and I can do somemore later if I decide I want to.
3.It is about keeping it realistic. And for the longest time, I didn't really understand what that meant either: but I think 'realistic' is different for everyone. For example; for myself, realistic is seeing that I'm never going to be Martha Stewart and have a home like hers; it's too much stress and expectation for me, so keeping my home neat and tidy and not expecting it to look like a page from a magazine is the realistic thought I tell myself.
What has also helped me is that I started opening up to friends and family about my distorted thinking and they are great at pointing out the good stuff I do, that I minimize and don't take credit for.
I am continuing to work on my distorted beliefs (as that's where the distorted thoughts are coming from. I would not call myself a success yet with "empowering thought replacement" but I do finally think I "get" what it is about, so I hope this helps you. I'd be glad to talk to you some more if you like. Just know you are worth it and you can do it!
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Guest
What has also helped me is that I started opening up to friends and family about my distorted thinking and they are great at pointing out the good stuff I do, that I minimize and don't take credit for.
I think this is a great idea. If you can open up to friends and family and talk to them about how you think, they may be able to help and encourage you.
I started week 3 this week. I began tracking my negative thoughts and tonight I shared some of them (the “lighter” negative thoughts) with my husband. I didn’t share all of these thoughts with him, because he doesn’t really understand this disorder and he has a tendency to want to “fix” me and he knows that he can’t fix my disorder, only I can and this frustrates him.
Anyway, so tonight I shared a few thoughts with him and I found myself laughing out loud as I read some of my thoughts to him, they weren’t funny when I wrote them, but reading them out loud to at the end of the day, when I was feeling better, made me see how ridiculous some of these thoughts were. Like for example, one of my scary thoughts for today was, “I just had my winter tires put on and I’m scared that the garage didn’t put them on right and I am going to crash my car while driving.” I don’t know, it just felt kind of comforting to be able to share that with someone I love and also to be able to laugh about it.
It is going to take awhile for us to turn our negative, obsessive scary thoughts into positive thoughts. As Lucinda points out, negative thinking is an addiction. The majority of us have been thinking like this for most of our lives. This is going to take time, but I believe that we can turn the way we think around. I believe that you can do this. Just keep tracking your negative thoughts and counteract them with positive thoughts. At first, it will feel fake and superficial, but as Lucinda says in time we will begin to believe our positive thoughts and we will be able to recognize our negative thoughts and push them out of our minds. I really do believe this.
Good luck and take care of yourself and remember, you can do this and you are worth it!!!!
~Nicole
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Guest
Thanks so much all of you.
I did not log on until today - and found all this heartfelt encouragement, advice, understanding, good will waiting for me - I am grateful to all of you for taking the time. Each post struck a cord with me somewhere and renews hope.
Its hard putting things into practice, isn't it? Its about accepting not being that 'perfect person' I aspire to be does not translate to being inadequate.
So - thanks for inspiring me to ward myself against feeling frustrated by setbacks, stay realistic and for sharing your various strategies for those bad days. And thanks for reminding me that I am not alone on this journey.
I did not log on until today - and found all this heartfelt encouragement, advice, understanding, good will waiting for me - I am grateful to all of you for taking the time. Each post struck a cord with me somewhere and renews hope.
Its hard putting things into practice, isn't it? Its about accepting not being that 'perfect person' I aspire to be does not translate to being inadequate.
So - thanks for inspiring me to ward myself against feeling frustrated by setbacks, stay realistic and for sharing your various strategies for those bad days. And thanks for reminding me that I am not alone on this journey.
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Guest
I can sympathize with you for sure, I cannot stop the dialogue in my mind even long enough to sleep at night. I realize that with each new project I start at home or in my busines it generate a whole new dialogue in my head and I either can't get started on a project or can't quit til it is done to perfection. I listen to the audio while I am working on other tasks because I can't stand feeling like I'm only doing something for me and I could be wasting time. I keep trying though and I know it is sinking in a bit at a time. I just wish I could hit the mute on my inner dialogue unless it was positive thoughts. You seem very articulate and intelligent in your writing, I'm sure you will figure a way to work through this spot. Thanks for posting what I was thinking.
Barb Gerbitz
Barb Gerbitz
Originally posted by aussieauntie:
Hi folks,
I am really, really struggling to develop my positive thoughts here - but when I try to turn my thoughts around it just sounds phony - like I am sugar-coating or hiding the truth of my inadequacy. I cannot shake the belief that I am no good, cannot talk myself out of if. I can come up with so much to feel bad/guilty about, but nothing that I do that I really think of with pride. I mean I feel blessed in my life and the people around me - but just cannot come up with the goods myself. When I am down like this, just trying to do something to snap out of it - housework, office work, spending time with my kids ends up backfiring because I am so busy criticizing my actions in my mind that I just feel worse and worse. I am conscious that it is my mind that is causing this - but I cannot seem to find the power to still the flow of negative, self-abusive thoughts.
I probably do not have a right to post here, because I have not been very successful at following through. Lack the discipline. I always have the eternal hope that I will somehow change and find a way to be regular, consistent, dedicated - the program makes so much sense and the success stories inspiring.
I am just finding this really hard to put the advice into practice and am looking for concrete advice. I hear people saying "it is hard to break a habit, stick to it" .... but stick to what exactly. I don't think I am even getting out the door. Can anyone sympathize. Better yet, is there anyone else who was in my position and succeeded where I have not....