Who am I?

[tinkerbell29]

I have gotten caught up in who everyone else think I am that I really haven't a clue. If you were to tell me that I am this evil, mean, coniving person, I somehow make myself believe that I am, even though I know I am not. I don't know what I like or even want out of life, everyone else determines that for me. One thing that I am sure of is, I have two incredible boys who love me, they absolutely love me. My mood is determined by what kind of mood my husband is in, my mom is in, or whoever else is in direct contact with me. Anyway, I have conformed myself to the person I think I should be, or the person I am around, and I haven't a clue who I am. I know that I like to read when given time, and that I love to talk, and that I love every moment I get spend with my boys, but thats it! Help me find myself, lol! How do I get the real ME to emerge when I have know idea who she is.

[Guest]

Wow! Are you reading my mind?

I've been having the same feelings lately - that my world revolves around my husband and I don't have my own life. I work for him, our friends are his, we spend time with his family, etc.

I just keep telling myself that I made this happen because of my anxiety. Insted of going out there and living my life, I created a shell and made his life mine. Each day I tell myself that I'm getting better and learning new things I enjoy.

It will get better!

[Guest]

Wow, I must agree, I am trying to figure out who I am now. I never thought that I would not enjoy having the kids grow up and move out. But I'm feeling it more now that my baby is 19 1/2 and almost out the door, might as well be since he is at the age where they want to be out the door and our relationship isn't the same as it use to be.

We own our own business and now the office has been moved off the premises to a new location that you have to drive to. So I now can't just slip out to see DH in his office to talk or whatever. This means my other children aren't over here as much either. I lost my pet dog due to an injury, so I don't have that little buddy to go on walks with me.

I have been volunteering, and that is helping. Otherwise, it is almost like starting all over again. My parents did move here years ago to be near us for some reason and they have passed on, so I don't see my siblings as often as I use due to that. But were all changing anyway due to life's circumstances. Different siblings have lost their spouses due to divorce or disease. All their children are grown and in college or married as well.

I'm sure there's still some mourning to do at the changes, etc. Glad to be meeting you guys.

[Guest]

Wow is the correct word! My kids ar 7 & 8 and if I don't do something now, I will be even more lost when they get older and move off to college. I must say its nice to know that there is someone else I can talk to and they understand me. And Caroline, I know what you mean "living in your husbands shadow (so to speak)" I did the samething for a long time and now its too much for him. He didn't want me to go anywhere or do anything and now he wants to go chill with his friends. I cant say all the time, and the only reason he dont go all the time is b/c the $ isn't there. So, I am at the point where I no longer really have friends I can hang out with. Although I am to old to be hanging out anyways I guess. Gosh its funny how the tables turn! He came in this morn @ 2 am. wow, smh. I also have a hard time making friends now b/c I don't know how to talk to anyone. The only thing I know are my kids. If I can't talk about them, I am totally a bore. Gosh, right now I am lonely and lost, lol. We have been together since highschool and now I feel like I need him to function. Or I just need him to leave me so I can pick up the pieces and move on. Sometimes I think I would be a much better mom w/o him here. And then other moments I feel as if I am blessed to have him.
Trying to see the positive in this, but right now I don't!