Stress Center Peer Support

I WAS DOING OKAY TODAY. I EVEN WITH TO THE CHUCH DINNER, WAS A LITTLE LIGHT HEAD AND FELT LIKE I WAS GOING TO PASS OUT AT TIMES BUT I STAYED AND HAD DINNER. I WAS PROUD OF MYSELF, O GOT HOME. AND MY MOM CALL'S. I HAVE TOLD HER I AM NOT TALKING OR WORRYING MYSELF OVER BAD THINGS I DIDN'T WANT TO TALK LIKE THAT ANY MORE. WELL WHAT DOES SHE DO CALL ME, ASK ME HOW I AM DOING, AND THEN START TALKING ABOUT MY YOUNGEST SON, (BECAUSE HE IS 18 AND MOVED OUT)
BUT IS GOING TO COLLEGE. THEN SHE STARTS IN ON HOW THE FLOOR PEOPLE CAN GO TO ---- BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T CALL HER AND CANCEL, WITH HER.
I AM SO TIRED OF HER CALLING ABOUT MY KID'S, SAYING THINGS ABOUT THEM TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD. I HAVE TRIED TO TELL HER NICELY NOT TO DO THIS. BUT SHE DOES IT ANYWAY, IT IS LIKE SHE HAS TO DUMP HER FEARS AND WORRY ON ME. WHY? SHE TOLD ME SHE LIKE'S MY OLDER SISTER BETTER AND IT CLOSER TO HER, SO WHY NOT CALL MY OLDER SISTER.
I AM TRING NOT TO LET HER GET TO ME.
ANY ADVISE?
MY YOUNGER SON COMES OVER TO DO HIS LAUNDRY, AND ASKED ME WHY I TOOK DAD'S PICTURES OF THE LIVING ROOM WALL. I TOLD HIM ( I CAN'T KEEP LIVING HIS DEATH EVERY DAY ANYMORE) I JUST CAN'T. AND THAT HE WOULD WANT ME TO GO ON AND HAVE A HAPPY LIFE. HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING, JUST GAVE ME A HUGE AND SAID HE WOULD BE BACK, I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM YET.
I WANT TO HAVE A GOOD LIFE, IS THERE SUCH A THING? I JUST NEEDED TO GET THIS OUT.

MKDUCOTE,

When people call to unload on you, it's never about you, but about them. I agree that it's a selfish thing to do, but let's talk about what you can do to prevent it. You've asked for her to stop, but she can't/won't so I'd suggest either not taking her call when you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed. If you can't do that yet, then write out some really good excuses to get off the phone. Keep them handy and use them when the conversation gets too bad. Keep in mind that a good excuse can be really simple like, "Mom, I'm not up for this right now, I've got to go. I'll talk to you soon." Also, you could write down good ways to change the subject. But the main thing is to keep yourself in control by being assertive and pro-active.

Your son will come by again. He's dealing with a death the same as you are. I'll bet he understands perfectly, but has some of his own issues to work out. You did the right thing by being honest with him about your husband's photo. Good work!

Peace and Blessings to you!

IT WAS MY DAD THAT PASTED AWAY, AND I DO THINK MY SON IS GOING THROUGH IT ALSO. THANK YOU FOR LISTEN TO ME, I JUST HAVE THE HARDEST TIME WITH HER. I LOVE HER, BUT I JUST DON'T WANT TO TALK TO HER RIGHT NOW. I HAD MY HUBBY TELL HER I WAS IN THE BATH OR SLEEPING WHEN SHE CALLED LAST NIGHT. I HAD HIM ANSWER THE PHONE TO ALSO MAKE FOR SURE SHE WAS OKAY.