My Experience Today

[Booba826]

Hello Everyone,

I just wanted to tell everyone about my experience today. Quick History: I have bad anxiety especially when I have to go someplace far to the point I cancel my plans even if its someplace I want to go.

My parents and boyfriend decided we should all go to a casino (2 hours away). I was alittle anxious the last few days and tried to stay calm. I woke up and was feeling pretty good. My dad and boyfriend and I jumped in the car to get my mom from work then we were going straight there. As soon as we pulled up to my moms job and she got in and we were ready go to my anxiety got to be a level 9 on a 0-10 scale. I was immediately sweating, felt nauseus, and was constantly feeling I was going to lose control on the trip. I kept thinking there was no way I was going to make it. My parents dont know about my anxiety I hide it from them, so that was even more pressure for me because I was afraid they would see me lose control.

As we were driving to the highway it got worst but I kept thinking how I didnt want to go and sit home but felt there was no way I could make it. In my mind prior I really wanted to go, and all of a sudden I didnt want to go, my heart was pounding and I was sweaty, heart racing bad and I wanted to throw up. Mentally I was almost to the point of losing it.

I kept remember Lucindas words "You need to feel the fear and symptoms so you are not afraid of it anymore." I remembered the six steps but honestly I would barely concentrate on it because mentally I was just blank and in a panic state. I looked at my cell phone which I have taken pictures of the book and I saw the highlighted words "No more running. Accept it". At this point I was heading to my house because I told my parents I felt sick and couldnt go. After reading that I made the quick left and got on the highway.

The first half of the ride was hell. Mentally I was close to losing it I felt. I tried breathing, thinking positive thoughts...nothing was working- I just felt sick to my stomach...had "what if" thinking, and nothing was working. I pulled into the first gas station about 40 minutes into the trip and had horrible diarrhea and threw up a bit. I put water on my face and was still shaky. I told my parents I was car sick even though I was driving. My mom asked me if I wanted to go home but I said no, even though I just wanted to run home and cry. The rest of the trip I was still anxious but alittle better but my body was completely exhausted, I felt almost alittle depressed, and extremely fatigued. I still had dry heaves and was shaky but I made it there. The whole time it was like my mom was fixated in this state of anxiety and I just couldnt get out....so I stopped trying to fight it and I just accepted it even though the symptoms were unbearable.

We got there, and I was still shaky but I became distracted by everything. I played some slots and cards, and actually ended up winning $1,600!!!!!! Couldnt believe it. I was still shaky throughout but it wasnt that bad. When I hit the $1,600 the anxiety got worst (maybe I was feeling excitement but by mind and body felt it as fear.

We left and I drove home, the drive home was OK. Now I am home and I am so glad I went, but I am still feeling shaky from it. Is it always going to be like this? I hope not. I know I should be happy I went but I cant help feeling bad and sad and still alittle anxious about how sick I made myself. Lucinda says you need to feal these symptoms and live through them, but I gotta tell you this is rough. Any comments? I almost feel like if this is how life will be whenever I want to do something, should I go on a medicatin even though I dont want to? I am only on session 2 and will keep going for a while before I decide to go on a med. I know I should be glad I went, and believe me I am-- but I really went through hell to get there and back

[coachchris]

Hi Booba,

This is Coach Chris (female) from the coaching team here at Stress. Thank you for sharing your experience. What a great success that was. I have had similar ones. They can be very difficult but we learn so much from them and we see how much 'control' we really do have. How are you doing now? It should be getting a little easier as the body continues to calm down and you are learning the skills in the program. Be very patient in this process and celebrate every success you have. You are breaking bad habits and training your mind and body in a whole new direction.

Let us know if you need anything. We are here to help.
Coach Chris StressCenter.com