First timer

[chanel.mcnally]

Hey there,
This is the first time I have logged anything. I am 40, and have had bad anxiety for about 9 yrs now. This is my story. In 2002, I divorced after 10 yrs. In the same yr, I was driving back to Tacoma from the Seattle airport when a young man, "19" was driving down the wrong way on the highway. He was committing suicide. He hit me head on, came through my wind shield and died. I got rear eneded, he flies out of my car, then I get hit again from the side. My car rolls 5 times and stops. All my ribs were broke and sternum cracked in half. I was devistated! Exactly one yr later, I began having panick attacks to the point I would not drive, I couldn't work anymore and my life was done!!!! My dad had to come move me to Texas because I was not well. I was put on Paxil... Made me tons worse. I came off Paxil cold turkey and thought I was going to die. I dealt with this strange feeling, like I was drunk all the time. I thought I was mentally sick or something. Then my grand mother dies on Christmas day in 2003. In 2006 I find out I have Cervical Cancer, In 2010 my cousin commits suicide, and in June of 2011 my mother dies. I went to counseling because I refused to take medication. The counselor told me that I may some PTSD. lol.... wow, anything else? I was up watching TV and this program was on! I am 2 weeks into it and really feel like it will help me. I wish you all the best and have faith that the shills we learn here, will help put an end to this madness...

[mosaic1989]

Wow, I guess I probably would have trouble driving after all that too. Actually I do have some difficulty, my husband does most of the driving out of town. You might have PTSD, that's a lot intense tramas. I was told I might have that too years ago, more from my upbringing and different events I experienced then. I know it is very treatable, but sounds like your reeling from certain recent losses. Losing a parent under any circumstances is difficult and takes time to work through, but with all the stuff that is going on with you. If your going to a counselor definitely stick with it and if your opposed to medicine maybe some of the herbal remedies might be for you. I think the program will help us all dealing with difficult things, but it sounds like any extra support for trauma's and losses would also be of great help. The relaxation CD is a good resource, and helps me with some good breathing techniques that helps with anxiety and stress. I think it can actually change all that physical anxiety that is going through your body. You said you were diagnosed with cervical cancer, do you still have it. Are you having to deal with treatment of that problem. Thanks for coming here and sharing your story, keep going and keep sharing it will all help. Please take care of yourself. We are here to heal.

[chanel.mcnally]

Thank you for the reply. I really appreciate it! I had surgery and now have zero cancer, cancer cells.... Thank goodness. My counselor actually did tell me that I had some PTSD going on. He told me that feeling, "drunk" thas I have is called disconnected. It was real bad in the very beginning after the wreck... The best way I can decsribe it it, like your not in reality. Like your looking through a painting. The trees, houses, just anything almost didn't seem real. I haven't smoked pot in over 20 yrs but it almost feels like I might be a little high. It comes and goes, and sometimes it will last all day. When I drive it scares me to no end. But the wierd thing is, when I drink alcohol, I feel normal! lol.... I know that probably sounds strange but I feel completely normal. I have a Dr. appt tomorrow and I am actually going to drive myself this time. My hubby usually drives me everywhere but I feel I need to start facing my fears. If you don't mind me asking, why is it difficult for you to drive? Thank you again for your support.

[mosaic1989]

Well I'm so glad you cancer is gone, at least one hurdle done. For me driving has a lot to do with my confidence level at the time, how alert I feel and how much traffic and decision have to be made. Driving in our small town is fine, although I feel difficulties when I get spacey, I just feel my concentration isn't there. In bigger places I feel the pressure of getting into the traffic at the right time. Being in crowds bother me so that is something I have to work on. The more I focus completely on what I doing the better I do. I can definitely identify the disconnected feeling I have had that a lot, then it's hard to focus and get the things done I want to. I think though people who don't have anxiety issues have to deal with hectic driving which is difficult for all of us. People drive so crazy sometimes one feels you either have to drive the way they do or risk slowing things down. Getting ready to take a mini vacation to Florida, Nebraska is playing in a bowl game down there, so taking the opportunity to have a little vacation. Of course going to the game was a decision that wasn't easy for me because I feel trapped when I get up in the stands, but I am going to get through it better this time by talking to myself differently and breathing. Take care.

[chanel.mcnally]

A vacation sounds great!!!! You will be great! Just by you making that decision to go to the game is a big step! I know exactly what you mean though, I don't do alot of things because I feel trapped.... If I'm not in control, I get anxious. I think that's why I don't drive the highway because If I can't get off right when I want to, It scares me. I was at my appt today and I look around at people all the time and think, I wish I felt like they do! Then I laugh at myself because I know everything is going to fine. Just like it says in the work book, it will not get worse than it is now. I keep that in mind alot. Good luck to you on your adventure and I look forward to hearing how well you did.

[Paisleegreen]

HI Chanel.

I'm sorry for all that you are going through and have gone through. I have lost a son to suicide, so I know what that is like. Also, a relative of mine was severely injured due to an old man driving the wrong way and this didn't just injured my relative severely that she can no longer work and is in pain, but killed a Granddaughter as well.

I've had many different traumas or stresses in life, but my son's suicide is the worst. And I was already on AD's before this happened and had to be put on different ones. Then years later I weaned off of them and was doing okay until another surprising event came about and I experienced my first panic attack. I did find out later from reading that coming off of AD's and Xanax can cause panic attacks as well. I didn't realize how much my one AD was keeping my blood pressure at an even keel until I went back on it for a short time, and I could feel my body feel like lead and yet at the same time give me some energy that causes my neck and shoulders to ache and become more aggressive.

I'm also finding out that part of my panic attack and wanting to go off my meds in the first place has to do with Peri Menopause and now Post Menopause. So our hormones sure can affect our anxiety as well.

I would have to say that your "drunk" feeling might also have a term I use a lot as "surreal". There are times when I feel like I'm just watching life pass or things go on and I'm observing it. I think about my son's suicide as "surreal" and all that came afterwards. As to actually think that my son could actually do the unthinkable is shocking and gets a bit harder as I watch my other children grow older, get married and have children and the pic of my son stays the same.

So your feelings and anxiety are definitely appropriate reactions to what you have gone through. I've been here since after I first had my panic attacks and then anxiety and my sister told me about Lucinda and then I went to her website and got her CDs. It truly has helped me.

I do get anxious driving these days, as our town has become a city and very busy with lots of traffic. I truly dread it...it once was so quiet to the point at first I didn't want to move here. But now I wish it were a small town again, just to have some peace and quiet. Now that I feel more anxious, I worry about my reactions. And my panic attacks came after I came back from a long trip out of state where I was a bit anxious driving in old familiar places and yet they had changed and became quite populated and people aren't as nice on the freeway as they use to be.

Anyway, welcome to the Stress Ctr! paislee

[chanel.mcnally]

Hi there Paislee,
I am so sorry to hear about your son! I can only imagine what that must feel like. My aunt and I are pretty close and her son, my cousin, shot him self last april because he was going through a tough divorce. He was 39 yrs old and I still have a hard time with it because him and I talked everyday. I hear so many people say how stressed out they are! It's very scarry to me because so many of us are going through all these things and what do we do about it? It really aggrivates me!!!! I seriously thought I was the only one who felt that spacy feeling until I got the CD's and Lucinda was talking about it. My mother died this past July with a brain aneurysm at 56 yrs old. Her blood pressure was very high and now I'm going in for a brain scan next wed. because of some headaches I have been having. I chose not to do the AD thing because I was put on Paxil and ended up with seratonin syndrome. The withdrawls wwere soooo bad! So, I'm very happy to hear you say that this program helped you. My husband recently returned from a yr long deployment and am really glad he is here because it has been tough! I haven't had a P-attack in a long time til recently! I was driving my daughter to school and it hit me like a ton of bricks! I got so scared that I would not drive at all! I was getting so depressed and I finally had to do something. I was up one night and saw the commercial for the program and to be honest, I wished it had been some sort of in patient program because I would have signed up right then and gone! lol... But, I'm on week 2 and am really excited about the weeks to come. Thank you so much for sharing with me and for your support. I enjoy these because it really makes me feel like someone cares... looking forward to hearing from you again.

[katie1]

HI chanel.mcnally,
I just read your post and I'm wondering how you are doing with the program. Has it helped? I am new to it.