Stress Center Peer Support

hi im a 22 year old male ... i dont know how to explain this but i can block thoughts from my awareness before i fully see what the thought even is ... before i started this program i did not have panic attacks but kept my mind in a very small box not allowing it to go in certain directions or certain areas and felt almost nothing for certain parts of a 5 year period... now that i started the program i am already feeling significant changes in the way i think and can sometimes forsee myself in positive situations, which i never used to do ... but as i let my guard, or defenses down i am becoming more vulnerable to panic type thoughts. normally i would keep my mind in a safe zone(or little box) when getting myself to go into a social situation but instead tonight i started to have panic thoughts. but something inside me is strongly telling me that in order for this program to work in the positive way i would like it to i have to let down my gaurd and face the panic and possibly experience it again (after years of being in the little box) before i will be able to beat it and be successful in this program.

part of me feels like if i had a panic attack without the fear of being crazy (which was the fear in my old panic attacks) , that it would make me stronger and even more confident in the end and allow me to leave my little box behind for good.

can anybody relate??

or maybe this is all just overanalyzing and I should just let things happen i dont know. if anybody has a reply id appreciate it . thanks

From what I can tell, your little thought box is your way of avoiding. This is my second time to have problems with panic. The first time I had panic, the therapist wanted to, after a few sessions, induce panic attacks so that I could see how I could handle them. Avoidance is used, often times, to prevent panic. For example, I know if I don't go to the grocery store, I wont panic. You're just doing this internally. I know that part of my getting better was to stop being afraid of the panic attacks. When I felt anxious, I would say to myself, "Just panic." It took all the power out of it and stopped it. (I wish I could get back there again!). I think that is why the first two steps of the six steps are accept and permit. When you stop being afraid of having the attack, it sort of just dissipates the anxiety. I would not wish panic attacks on anyone but until you face it, you cannot move past it. Just my opinion.