Black Sheep

[LoverNotAFighter]

Hi I am 24 years old and I am utilizing this program to help me through life-changes. I am the youngest out of 8 kids and I struggle with low self-esteem. I am constantly reminded by family members to grow up, but I am in my last year of college and feel powerless financially and feel no real support from my family to leave the nest. I feel that I am ordered around and there is no real relationship, so I do not want to help with anything. I fear being taken advantage of. Most of my siblings are over 30 and 40 years old and still take money from my parents and leave me with nothing. I want independence and I am doing my best to finish my degree this year, but the independence doesn't seem to come soon enough. If they treat me like a child, how do they expect me to grow up. This has left me very depressed and stuck. I am not hopeless, but I have been close to the end many times. This may sound silly, but I just want to be loved and nurtured and I know that if my "love tank" is full, I can do anything. I would appreciate any responses. Thank you! -Rachel

[isabel001]

hi rachel.... im isabel and im also 24 years old... like you, i felt like i was the most unfortunate in the family but i learned one thing in life.... I AM THE ONLY PERSON WHO COULD MAKE ME FEEL LOVED AND SECURED. no family member even your parent could make you feel loved in times of severe sadness, problems and depression but YOU YOURSELF....

[jhenry]

You are making progress toward your independence financially keep it up. No matter what others tell you about yourself the truth is in the fruits of your labors. You are the one passing the classes. At home if you clean up after yourself and try to show your appreciation for the money you are saving on a place to live, utilities and for the loss of freedom that you parents suffer while helping you than you are doing your part. Remember we as anxious and depressed people tend to feel like everyone should want to help us but the unfortunate reality is that we alone can help ourselves and if others help us in the ways we naturally want them to they may end up just enabling us to feel anxious and depressed. You will get there, review your workbook and the fruits of your labor looking for what you can do to make the situation better.

[finallyhere]

Hi Rahcel, As you can guess by my site name, imagine looking at your situation from my viewpoint which is coming from someone double your age. Had my share of the controlling family issue- can't say they didn't give me choices, I could choose choice A or B, both of which were theirs. I sought help all my life, but always wound up thinking my way (of helping myself) was ultimately better. And granted, a lot of the 'help' was better left and my way was better in a particular situation. You see where I am. Right here with you. And very grateful to be. With my age and perspective, I have to realize that this program can't give me back 'wasted' time. I have to be here right now and view the times that come as an improvement over where I've been. Do I wish I could do it over? Absolutely not. It has created the me that is today. There were some awesome times that I wouldn't trade for anything. I like myself but am living in constant misery. That's why I finally decided I needed to start this program, which remained in the box unopened for 4 years until a week ago. If you have the money and ability to finish your degree, DO IT! You don't have to fight town hall, just go along with the rules for a little longer. Smile and say yes but know that your thoughts are yours and yours alone. And you are going to do what you want to do in the end. You will get there. Use this program to learn that you can deal with the here and now. Don't ever make any promises that you don't want to keep. Just tell people that you hear what they're saying and need time to think about it. Great stalling tactic. The journal is helping me in a way I didn't think was possible. I write everyday, even a "busy day, can't write more now". Keep writing. I don't read back what I've already written. I think that would be an incredible source of anxiety and cause me more depression. Hang in there, kid.