Tired of the same ol' thing
Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 11:09 am
Hi, this is my second week on the program and I really think it will work for me. Ironically, i have been suffering from panic attacks to some depression since I've been on it. I think its because I have to look at my actions and the way that I think. Thing is, I am always stuck in my head! I understand that a panic attack will not kill me and that i bring it on and that they go away. My problem is i fear losing control of how i feel and having the panic attack of no return. But you know, I think that i have already been there. A few times actually! And I am still here. My thing is, i need to keep busy and not allow obsessive thoughts rule my life. It affects my work and me getting out. I don't want to lose my job because i have my own home to pay for and i don't want to continue to spiral out of control. I am so overly concerned with the way that I feel all the time that i put myself into major panic attacks. If i am sick or feeling odd, I start to worry about it. And I am sick of always laying around as it that will get me out of my funk. I have been sick twice in 2 and a half weeks and i now believe that all this constant worrying and no exercise can cause a weak immune system. I wish i could talk to Lucinda Bassett myself. Its nice to talk with people who have been there. I have been going through this for like 12 years and I am so ready to be free. But I realize that I keep myself locked in a box and sometimes i just want to freak out. I wish I wasn't so into control. I wish i could tell myself all this things that I have done and be proud forever. But that worrying is always in the back of my mind like i am not deserving or like i shouldn't reach so high. Everytime i do, something pulls me back down into "reality". But I know that I am deserving of good things and that it is okay. I just want to be free. This is ritz32. 