Self esteem and socializing

[tommy_riley]

I too feel more comfortable texting or emailing individuals due to social anxiety...{trimmed}...The anxieties I have are for good reason and due to my past experiences and my lack of self worth. I have always been overlooked, underappreciated, and completely on my own my entire life. I did not get love and compassion from my parents and had to deal with any and every traumatic experience in my life on my own. Still to this very day.

I am very sensitive to others emotions and feelings and can see things in people just by looking at their face, into their eyes, that most people overlook. It is very exhausting. My username is swordmaster because I always joke around about how I am always here wielding my sword for all of those in need. I have actually had people use me to fight their battles for them and that was a serious wakeup call. I hate to see people being mistreated and will stand up for them. I hate to see someone down and will pick them up. The problem is, whenever I need the same, no one has ever done that for me. It hurts so bad and just contributes more to me being completely worthless and insignificant to all that are supposed to care about me the most.

I am that rock that everyone thinks can make it through anything. And I can, but it doesn't mean that I don't need to be cared for to, or that I don't need encouragement or support. I am one of the strongest people I know, but I have my hard times too and I'm human just like the rest of us.

I identify with the above statements - I feel EXACTLY the same way about my life.

How is it possible that we are the strong pillar types that everyone rely's upon yet it's so easy for us to be overlooked that we are human and need attention, affection, and support as well? I feel like I have never had my own support system, feel that just about all of my friends would never call on me, call me, ask me to go out with them (which they don't - and I don't have many left for that reason), unless I was the one to reach out to them first? Why is it that I feel so isolated from everyone? Why do I get embarassed when someone pays me a compliment or tells me how strong and smart I am? Why can't I use that as an ego boost/self-confidence boost instead of shrugging it off? What up with all that?

[swordmaster]

Beth, you are my saviour and I feel like our lives are paralleled in so many ways. I too have a sister who has turned my family upside down. I too have a mother who has an excuse for every person I feel the need to confide in her about. It takes away all validation and trust that I have in her. You are an amazing person and I cannot believe all of the obstacles you are dealing with and all that you have overcome. You should be so proud and I am thankful that you have shared your experiences with me. I am learning so much.

Thank you for the advice on how to deal with the negative family members in my life. I too feel that is the path that I should take, but have been dealing with the guilt of actually doing that. I need to stop thinking about evereyone else and do what is best for myself and my family. You are helping me realize that and put it into action.

I agree that exercise does help greatly. I just need to get into action and do it more often. I find that, not only do I rest better, but I don't have the energy to think all of the negative thoughts I think on a regular basis.

Thank you for your advice and support. I feel much better and also feel better every step I make in this program. I am much more optomistic than I've ever been and I truly appreciate all of you in this forum. I will be checking in much more often as it is clear to me I need to hear from all of you more than I realized.

Thank you.

[swordmaster]

Ha ha ..... I meant to say savior! Dang perfectionist! I just couldn't let that go.....

[tommy_riley]

I sometimes feel like I have completely forgotten how to do every day conversation and chit chat. I find myself struggling for words in social situations and over analyize what I am about to say, which makes me more quiet and self conscious - hoping the anxiety program addresses this later on in the sessions.

[Nana Nan]

I just sent a note off to the company about this very subject today. How do those of us who have always sat on the fence in life finally get in the game? Where do we go to learn these basic skills that we ran from because of our anxiety? Very good topic!!! Thanks for posting.

[florence hensley]

[quote=

"Nana Nan"]I just sent a note off to the company about this very subject today. How do those of us who have always sat on the fence in life finally get in the game? Where do we go to learn these basic skills that we ran from because of our anxiety? Very good topic!!! Thanks for post

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[florence hensley]

Is anyone on to chat

[swordmaster]

I too feel more comfortable texting or emailing individuals due to social anxiety...{trimmed}...The anxieties I have are for good reason and due to my past experiences and my lack of self worth. I have always been overlooked, underappreciated, and completely on my own my entire life. I did not get love and compassion from my parents and had to deal with any and every traumatic experience in my life on my own. Still to this very day.

I am very sensitive to others emotions and feelings and can see things in people just by looking at their face, into their eyes, that most people overlook. It is very exhausting. My username is swordmaster because I always joke around about how I am always here wielding my sword for all of those in need. I have actually had people use me to fight their battles for them and that was a serious wakeup call. I hate to see people being mistreated and will stand up for them. I hate to see someone down and will pick them up. The problem is, whenever I need the same, no one has ever done that for me. It hurts so bad and just contributes more to me being completely worthless and insignificant to all that are supposed to care about me the most.

I am that rock that everyone thinks can make it through anything. And I can, but it doesn't mean that I don't need to be cared for to, or that I don't need encouragement or support. I am one of the strongest people I know, but I have my hard times too and I'm human just like the rest of us.

I identify with the above statements - I feel EXACTLY the same way about my life.

How is it possible that we are the strong pillar types that everyone rely's upon yet it's so easy for us to be overlooked that we are human and need attention, affection, and support as well? I feel like I have never had my own support system, feel that just about all of my friends would never call on me, call me, ask me to go out with them (which they don't - and I don't have many left for that reason), unless I was the one to reach out to them first? Why is it that I feel so isolated from everyone? Why do I get embarassed when someone pays me a compliment or tells me how strong and smart I am? Why can't I use that as an ego boost/self-confidence boost instead of shrugging it off? What up with all that?

I think that we do intimidate at times because of our strengths but that most people just think we don't need love, support, compassion because we are strong. I remember my mom saying I could get through anything on my own to someone and it hurt my feelings deeply. I don't want to but have been forced to my entire life. I've gotten really good at it. I too have a hard time with compliments and I know it's because I don't get them from the people I would value it the most from, my parents and siblings. When you go through traumatic events with your parents or they say terrible things to you, it marks you for life. No matter what you know about yourself, it messes with your head and confidence.

No matter what compliments I hear from someone, they never really sink in or I rarely say thank you and accept it. I'm working on that and starting to be kind to myself and my husband is helping me understand who I am no matter what anyone else says or thinks.

I do like this program but struggle with it's geralities. I know that is necessary and they have to speak to the extremem cases out there, but I am not extreme and it's frustrating differentiating what pertains to me and what doesn't. I am looking forward to finishing and ridding myself of the guilt I continue to feel over the way I have dealt with my anxieties. I am very hard on myself.

[Ldybeth]

Hi again, I just want to thank all of you for all that YOU'VE shared. I'm realizing as I go through the program that the social skills are there that I had many years ago, they have just been dormant for such a long time, oppressed by my anxiety, fear and isolation. I have been practicing in every day encounters as the gas station, grocery store or movie theater. Whenever I start to get nervous, I use the breathing technique of "2 in/4 out"... huge help! Then I simply focus on speaking slowly and deliberately. Keeping it as simple as "Good morning" or "Hi, how are you?" with a simple smile and eye contact. In the past, I would get so nervous even with simple encounters such as these that I would say too much too fast and end up feeling like an idiot and twice as anxious as before I opened my mouth. If in a situation where the conversation might progress beyond just greetings, I had a tendency to kind of "space out" and go out on tangents in my conversation and say things that many times didn't directly relate to the subject at hand because of what I like to call my "hyper self-conscienceness". I would be looking at the person talking to me but instead of hearing what they were saying, or focusing on what I was saying, would find myself worrying about how I looked to them as they're talking to me, what my facial expression is.."Do I look angry or uninterested... or overly eager??" Many times I was so preoccupied with these thoughts that I didn't even register what they were saying! This, of course, kept me in this awful cycle that I am learning how to break free of.

This program has helped me to find that inner strength that I forgot I had and I know that the same is and will happen for all of you as well. I am grateful and feel so blessed to have all of you as "team mates" in this journey that we're taking together. Thank you, again, and God bless you.

[Paisleegreen]

I'm catching up on this thread. It has been really good and boy can I relate to much of what all of you are saying. I'm a little sick right now, so I'm not going to to into detail as you all have written some great thoughts that I can relate to. I'll come back as I feel better, because I think this topic is so relevant! Have a good evening! Paislee