Self esteem and socializing

[Paisleegreen]

I'm catching up on this thread. It has been really good and boy can I relate to much of what all of you are saying. I'm a little sick right now, so I'm not going to to into detail as you all have written some great thoughts that I can relate to. I'll come back as I feel better, because I think this topic is so relevant! Have a good evening! Paislee

[mmwillie928]

hey guys, this program can definitely help you with self confidence and socializing. i work on it too.
the program touches on those things more and more as you go on as well, so just keep going.
i have gone through this program once and now want to go through it again. in fact i am excited to go through it again. but i still work on self confidence (which i have noticed improvement for sure) and my trouble with socializing. i have always been a shy person, and as i got older i wished i wasn't.
but like i said, this program does offer the help.

[alic7725]

I just started the program and I can totally relate to what you are talking about. I have isolated myself by working from home for the past 5 years. I just keep digging a bigger and bigger hole for myself because I don't know where I fit into this world being as sensitive and self-conscious as I am. My issue for a long time has been facebook. I get a worthless feeling when no one responds or acknowledges a post I made and I will obsess over that to the point that I will even remove it sometimes. I know how ridiculous this is, but I can't help it. Also, I get severe anxiety when I text my boyfriend and he doesn't respond right away. My mind immediately goes to the negative thoughts. Is he out drinking? Does he not love me anymore? I just can't seem to train my brain to say it's okay. I won't be able to relax until I hear something back. Forget about the phone. I don't call anyone. I only seem to communicate with people via facebook these days. I don't know how to let this go even though in my mind I know it's kind of insane.

I highly recommend the book "Codependent No More." It spoke to me like no other book has and I recently joined a CoDa group, Codependents Anonymous, and finding it to be extremely beneficial. Plus, it's free! It's taken me 34 years, but I am finally ready to get to the root of my issues and tackle them once and for all instead of the usual escapism into TV and movies. I used to watch 2 movies a day on average and now I focus that energy on my self-help books and this program. It is giving my life more purpose and meaning. What spurred me to get serious about all this is that I finally found a boyfriend who doesn't enable my codependnecy. He wants a healthy amount of space and I am not used to space in a relationship. I also became obsessed with his smoking to the point that if I smelled smoke on his breath I felt betrayed and would cry almost every day about the fact that I couldn't get him to quit, such a helpless feeling.

So, there you go! I need to realized that I am my own safe place and that I don't need to go crying to my boyfriend every time I have an anxiety attack. I hope this program teaches me how to retrain my brain and learn how to soothe myself, etc.

Hopefully, things are better with you now. I see it has been a few months now since you started the program.

[Paisleegreen]

Hi Alic, I understand where you are coming from and Lucinda's program will really help you. I have Codependant No More, it is really good, I haven't read it for a long time. I believe I have both of Melody's books. Dr David Burn's books are really helpful as well. I understand how FB can become depressing, it is a very powerful medium and you are wise to be wary of it. It has caused some teens to kill themselves so be very careful to not take no responses to your postings as an insult. Most people are just busy.

I try to respond to others postings on FB, and it can become time consuming and probably not the best way to spend my time.
It is a useful way to reach some people, and share photos or maybe not to share photos. Anyway, keep up the good work. Paislee

[pingpong1]

I also have a difficult time socializing and begin to feel very self conscious and uncomfortable at times. Sometimes when I'm out for a walk, I will even go out of my way to avoid contact with someone! Yet at other times I do fine as long as the talking is "comfortable" and not too loud. Find myself easily distracted and not focused when the conversation is on the phone.

[GeorgiaMtnMutts]

Hello - I am Georgia, and I can really relate to y'all! I am actually very social and have always been outgoing, and it made me crazy when I started having those feelings of avoiding situations, or not going out and e-mailing, etc. instead, because it is not me! However, it's gotten worse over the years, and I totally know that it's completely related to how I feel about myself, and where I feel I fit in the social situation. In other words, I hang around with the same people I always did, but feel unworthy sometimes now, because I don't have the job I used to have, therefore, don't have the money I used to have, lifestyle, etc. I know I'm a fun person and that people have to like ME, not what I do, and also think most do, and that it's way more in my head than anyone else's. However, knowing that, I still feel that way emotionally, and it's hard to shake sometimes. I get what all of you are saying, and hope this is going to help for good! I've done so much self-help and therapy things, and the psychiatrist I see even tells me I'm smart and that I already understand everything that is going on. Now I just have to figure out how to fix me, and it hasn't happened from lack of trying, so I'm really counting on this to work!

[Kait]

I am so glad to have found this thread! I struggle with almost all of these as well! Thanks for sharing!

[Ldybeth]

It's been several months but I'm back and am really encouraged to see that even more of you replied to this post. I made the mistake of finishing Chapter 8 in the program last year and then stopping- feeling that I had enough of the tools that I needed... Wrong-wrong-wrong! So, I'm back in the saddle again, on my second week and am doing my best to implement everything that Lucinda has mentioned on her CDs, exercise and diet as well as trying to get out (I also suffer from some agoraphobia) at least every other day. I lost my job in December of 2010 due to my anxiety disorders and was able to enroll in college for the second time in 20 years- huge feat for me, but started to go down again starting around Thanksgiving time of last year. I decided to pull out this program again, have finally found a therapist who claims to specialize in social anxiety and am optimistic. I have really missed everyone here and and glad to be back, although I wish it were under better circumstances.

Anyhoo- I hope you are all doing well with this program and God bless!