Hi again everyone,
WOW! Though I knew everyone here was caring and such, I had no idea that you were all phenomenal individuals to the degree you are. I always feared putting my story here, and I'm glad I did. Not only did I face a fear of mine, but am also making some great friends along the way.
I know things won't always be the way they are now. We've all been through so much, but we all also have each others backs. We are all in this together, and my oh my how beautiful of a thing is that?! :u]
I love you all so darn much!
Anyone feel free to add me on myspace also. I am on there rather frequently. Look on my profile here for the link.
Though I hardly know any of you, I appreciate and am truly thankful for each of you. To the future...
Peace & Love
-Dustin
Details about my curent situation
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Guest
Ah, where to begin. Dustin always has problems pushing people away when they need him. They could literally attempt to kill me, and the next day I'd still be there if they needed my help with anything. A weakness I suppose...
Anyways my ex that I mentioned in the above post, well I didn't mention it at first but I believe she has problems too. Her mom was abusive like I said, and bipolar. Over time I realized that she was JUST like her mother. Playing cruel head games and such.
I always wanted to help her get help, but she never does. At the moment I started talking to her again because she randomly showed up at my house while I was asleep. I woke up to her standing above me. So we talked and pretty much since then we are just friends. I told her I refuse to date her at the moment or anytime soon. That I would need proof throughout time of her change in order to even consider it.
Well even though we aren't dating she still does the same things she always did, except 10 times worse. I had my first major panic attack today in over two weeks. Why? Because I let her get to me on the phone with her cruel mind games. Yet she manages to make me somehow feel like the guilty one.
Tonight I lost it and broke my keyboard tray, my keyboard, my mouse, cut myself on the broken keyboard, and then started beating myself in the head while screaming. It woke my mom up, and I pretended like nothing happened so she went back to sleep. I now feel weak and have a big bruise on my forehead from punching myself. Once again I was screaming and crying, and did she care? No. She just decided to keep being cruel and take more shots at my already pathetically low self-esteem.
Geez, some people can just be so cruel and unappreciative. SHE NEEDS HELP. But I realize you can't make anyone get help, and you can't make anyone care. What am I to do?
-Dustin
Anyways my ex that I mentioned in the above post, well I didn't mention it at first but I believe she has problems too. Her mom was abusive like I said, and bipolar. Over time I realized that she was JUST like her mother. Playing cruel head games and such.
I always wanted to help her get help, but she never does. At the moment I started talking to her again because she randomly showed up at my house while I was asleep. I woke up to her standing above me. So we talked and pretty much since then we are just friends. I told her I refuse to date her at the moment or anytime soon. That I would need proof throughout time of her change in order to even consider it.
Well even though we aren't dating she still does the same things she always did, except 10 times worse. I had my first major panic attack today in over two weeks. Why? Because I let her get to me on the phone with her cruel mind games. Yet she manages to make me somehow feel like the guilty one.
Tonight I lost it and broke my keyboard tray, my keyboard, my mouse, cut myself on the broken keyboard, and then started beating myself in the head while screaming. It woke my mom up, and I pretended like nothing happened so she went back to sleep. I now feel weak and have a big bruise on my forehead from punching myself. Once again I was screaming and crying, and did she care? No. She just decided to keep being cruel and take more shots at my already pathetically low self-esteem.
Geez, some people can just be so cruel and unappreciative. SHE NEEDS HELP. But I realize you can't make anyone get help, and you can't make anyone care. What am I to do?
-Dustin
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QueenEsther
- Posts: 15
- Joined: Mon Jul 27, 2009 4:26 pm
Hi Dustin:) I am Dana. I have been there. No physical abuse, but mental abuse and jealousy. My 1st boyfriend broke up w/ me at 15. Before he did he got me to stop talking to everyone even my family he was so jealous. He even cheated on me w/ my best friend. I lost my virginity to him. Needless to say I couldn't let go of him and ended up in a mental institution where I was diagnosed w/ major depression. Ever since him I battle being jealous myself when I am not well. Any way I am now almost 35...happily married...still battling depression. I'd love to have u as a friend on myspace. I like to go there too! Dustin, I love you man! Plz. hang in there. I am only on session 3., but think this program has alot to offer. I also think u need counseling. I go. Your x makes me so mad! U Dustin, deserve sooo much better! She doesn't deserve someone as good as you! Try and find me on myspace! gtg get kids ready 4 school.
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Guest