Stress Center Peer Support

I got the program way back in 2004 and i did well with the program but i didn't do everything that i could have....especially when it came to using the breathing techniques during the stress responses (which is why i decided to put this topic in lesson 2!! I actually find this one to be the most important lesson in the program), and also I hadn't been very good with my sleep either.

Just as a brief let me explain my story...I had been sexually abused when i was alot younger and didn't really understand what happened until i started to really question my life.

I had been a bully in elementary school until grade 7...i was making fun of this one girl in order to impress this other girl so she would go out with me but that heavily backfired and i actually realized how much it hurt...what i was doing i mean. After this incident i was really confused and had alot of guilt over the numerous times i bullied someone...on top of this i was being herassed and being called gay and even a pedofile...this is when my world started to crash. This i believe is when the anxiety and depression started. I also came to the realization that what had happened to me was sexual abuse...what i had thought was something normal...I didn't know what to do...how i should be reacting...how i could be betrayed like that. I turned from being extremely extroverted...from not thinking so much about my own stuff to becoming completely introverted, isolated and obsessed with my own problems. I stopped doing so many fun things like singing and being expressive because of the herassment too.

The years went by and I got worse and worse...i got more angry, more spacy, more anxious and more isolated. I spent many years wishing i would get cancer because i couldn't end the suffering on my own. It never came...however...my constipation got worse to the point that i got "constipation attacks" (which i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy...just imaging someone stabbing you every time you took a breath), urination problems (possibly prostate related), breathing problems (shortness of breath, tightness of chest, chronic sinus congestion), chronic fatigue (to the point that all i could do is work, sleep and get obsessive with some kinda fantasy videogame or tv show to keep my mind off my pain and my limitations), i got nightmares on a very frequent basis and a sense of extreme lonelyness.

Now i've spent the last 14 years (since that incident in grade 7) trying to work through all this pain and suffering. I spent many years saying to myself that i was going to deal with that person who abused me and i become very obsessed over this and I had visited a friend who was camping in the town i lived in at the time (haliburton, Ontario) and they had brought a friend who was an interpreter for the cops and i took the chance and started an investigation...i moved out of my mother's house because I had sooooo much hatred towards her because she didn't stop it from happening and knew that it happened before to my sister. I then moved a year later to the city while the investigation was still going and then I was told of my mother's death...she had suffocated due to a seizure she had...the investigators were trying to get ahold of her and I believe the stress of that had been so overwhelming that her epilepsy was really aggrevated by it. I spent alot of time blaming myself for her death.

At the time of my mother's death, my sister was pregnant and I felt the best thing to do was to stop the investigation for my sister's sake and the babies as well. However i couldn't just completely forget about dealing with the situation...so i put it off for a bit

...a year went by and I decided that i needed to spend some time alone...i had recently moved into another place with a few friends, i didn't have my own room and i was working at a coffee shop and smoking a pack and a half of smokes a day. So i rented a hotel room where i could be by myself...I was lying on the bed watching tv...going out for smokes here and there and then the infomercial for the Combatting Stress and Depression Program program came on...at first i was somewhat iffy about it but then...they were talking about some of the symptoms but it wasn't like other infomercials or products where they just list it off...its good for this and this and this...no, they were really showing their pain that they had and their gratitude for the program...you could just feel it....so i decided that day that i needed to get it.

So I got the program and i was going through it as if it was just some kinda recipe from a cook book whereas I figured ok i just have to follow these instructions until the end of the program and then thats it...i have my casarole and thats it! I wasn't willing to look at all the unnecessary stressors that i had in my life...or the obsessions that drained my energy. I did however use what i learned from the program to quit working at the high level stress job i was working (coffee shop) and go to something else and apply for collage...which i got into...that was a huge risk for me and i was very happy that i got in. I decided to learn shiatsu therapy (for those of you who don't know...that is accupuncture with no needles...so it utilizes thumbs, palms and elbows on acupuncture points...in a nutshell neways).

So I got into that school and i got trained in western medicine, eastern medicine, meditation and breathing to name a few and I was still dealing with the chronic fatigue and so i wanted to learn anything that might help me...I used suppliments and shiatsu treatments and whole foods and I found a few things beneficial...especially the shiatsu treatment from one of my collegues..she was very gifted let me tell you...I did all this and it did help and prolly made things a little easier for me but after those things were gone...I was back to where i was...i hadn't dealt with the root of the matter.

So I graduated the shiatsu school but wasn't very confident in myself as i had still had the chronic fatigue as well as the negative thinking...the I can't do it thinking and you know what...I couldn't...I started my practice and it was alright but then it got worse and worse because I really couldn't do it and people could feel that thought and feeling radiate through my treatments. I had decided when i was almost done collage that i needed to do more training and so i had gotten into another shiatsu school which was a diffrent style...actually i found to be alot more effective...The instructors there were and still are very very helpful and caring...the style was based on buddhist principals and the instructors would follow this them...They have done their best to help out and I'm finding that it has opened my heart to other people and i do feel more extroverted to an extent...my treatments were getting better and things were looking up...

Even with their help that negative thinking is still there...."I cannot do it"...it was relieved for awhile but came back...it seems to do that alot i find. I was giving good treatments and geting amazing results but my heart wasn't fully there...and they would see the results and be very happy but they didn't return...and then i got bombarded by many stressful things...my roomate was moving out and i was going to have another one move in and 14 days before she was going to move in...i find out she found another place on her own and wasn't going to move in...i was working 3 jobs...6-7 days a week...i was beating myself up for not getting people to come back, and i get sick.

It was very intresting getting sick actually...I had remembered sooooo much from my dream and i had talked to one of my instructors from my first shiatsu school about nightmares and he suggested that i should work with my dreams to try understanding what was going on....so despite being sick i spent 2 hours analyzing my dream using a dream dictionary online and some examples of analyzed dreams...That part was fascinating...the dream was like a message that needed to be decoded. I decoded it and the dream was telling me that i'm running away from my responsibilities and reality (which is true cuz i still spend hours and hours on games and on the internet or at least i did) and i beat myself up for it...it also mentioned about how i need to feel superior to others in order to feel secure again very very true...This was a big eye opener along with the next few days of dreams...but after that first one the nightmares weren't really nightmares anymore...usually in my nightmares someone is trying to kill me or chase me...now there isn't so much of this...So after that first analyzed dream i decided i needed to take some action...so i began my research on what to do.

My research involved reading a book on adrenal fatigue which i have been trained a bit on during the stress theory class i had in collage and i felt there was a really good chance that this is what i had...i read in there about how we have stressors in our lives that drain us of energy...things that give us stress....i had to really think deep and hard about what those things could be...the book had a few questionares and activities which were useful...the best one was to list all the things that I believe are making my health worse and all the things that make it better...but not all the things that i think "should" make it better....So i wrote up about 3 pages of good and bad and realized my worse one of all is my time infront of screens...being computer or tv screen...I "run away" from my responsibilities and go to this first...and i worry and have anxiety about not doing things that i need to do....and i calculated the time i spend doing it....about 10-14 hours....can you imaging that? 10-14 hours of constant anxiety...what-if i could get rid of this?

So i decided i need to at least limit my screen use...instead of 10-14 about 2-4...and instead of doing that i can do something on my list of "good" things...like the relaxation cd which i've been avoiding because i would obsess about the computer. So i did a bit of this and i did feel less stressed for sure...but i didn't feel that was good enough so i started the program back up...and after a few dream analysis's i decided to go through them again and pick out key things...like how i'm worried about expressing myself, my being too passive, trying to hide, forcing myself to get better too fast, being socially withdrawn, fear of being myself....and i spent some time with a few of these main issues and would write a whole page on it...i worked through 3 of them so far and realized a commonality...i do all these bad things because i'm overwhelmed with stress and how do you deal best with that? You calm yourself down and use relaxation techniques....So now i'm on my journey once again into the land of Combatting Stress and Depression Program but this time i'm going to hold onto what i learned instead of letting it slip through my fingers like sand. Funny how tons of negative things can give one the best motivational force to change.

PS...if i ever fall off again, would you be kind enough to lead me back on?

Mike

WOW, Mike! "What a L O N G, strange trip it's been," (G. Dead) huh? It certainly sounds like you've had an epiphany in coming to truly understand yourself/condition, and I genuinely believe that is the first step in overcoming anxiety and depression. I had my catharic moment in Nov., and it SUCKED... but I wouldn't be here if I hadn't been there!

I would like to point out, that although you're back to the program again, you have numerous accomplishments to be proud of:
~self-enlightenment
~attending college- HUGE ACHIEVEMENT:D!!!
~being sensitive to your sister and children in "calling off" the investigation (Have you been able to let go, or do you still feel the need to press charges? How does your sister feel about seeking justice [if there even is such a thing with sexual abuse!]?).
~recognizing AND accepting that it's ok to start the program again.
~being a humanitarian in wanting to help others attain optimal health through your profession. I think this is also a big deal... too many people overcome challenges in life and either forget the difficulity (sometimes even turn around and condemn others' faults ) or fail to just be kind and HELP someone else out. Not only do I feel this sort of attitude is pathetic but mostly SAD.

Anyway, I just wanted to encourage you in your journey. That's what we're all here for.
Peace to you,
fischee

Hey, I also see an acupressurist and have remarkable results! Do you take any nutritional supplements? Are you still avoiding the relaxation CD? When I first started it, I'd play it as background noise while getting ready to leave the house; eventually, I became so used to it that it was easier to actually apply it. Lastly, if you're still too fidgety to complete the relaxation, have you tried qi gong (sp?). The few times I've tried it, the fluid movements really calmed me down.

Thank you i greatly appreciate the words of support

I totally forgot to finish that part about the taking action...i wanted to put soooooo much into the first post

I knew that if i wanted to do good in collage i had to do 2 things...confront the person who abused me...(which i did and i've already told anybody that has children and this person is rather old and living in the country so i believe that is good enough...i don't feel that the person is a threat anymroe) and quit smoking which was rather difficult but i've been smoke free for 3 years. The biggest problem was that i wanted to take him to court but i didn't want him to die...He got a little violent one time because i hungup on him when he called the house...actually i hungup a few times and he flipped and came over and i called him a child m****** and he had ministrokes and it caused me sooooooo much guilt...Alot of people say he should die or be tortured or whatever but he was still family and people like that aren't just born that way...its usually because they went through a similar thing and they couldn't get help and unfortunately it just manifested into something like this.

My sister didn't remember it...i never forgot it. Actually she along with the others don't talk to me...cept for the person who did it to me and thats only cuz i did that confrontation...the others don't believe me.

I've wanted to help people because i knew this was my purpose...thats why i went through all the crap that i did...in my mind neways...its just right now the passion to help others is really supressed right now and i'm still working on my huge barrier when it comes to other people...its hard to give good treatments if you don't trust people.

Sounds like your acupressurist is a good one then...you're very fortunate...some people do have that touch...well its not even so much about the touch as it is about the intent...you'd be amazed and how diffrent a treatment can be just by changing the words, feelings and visuals while treating.

I'm taking something called Vibe which is by Eniva...its a really great liquid multi vitamin/mineral...i've come to the understanding that your body can absorb more of the nutrients in liquid form...i'm also using alot of vitamin C...about 3000-9000mg of Vit C a day and this one herb classified as an adaptogen called rhodiola force 100 which is very good at reducing stress levels, the catecholemine cortisol that was mentioned in lesson 2 cd it helps reduce those levels and helps you be more resistant to physical and mental stress.

I've also just heard today (so i haven't tried it yet) that white fir essential oil/tincture is great for the immune system. Its an indian remedy. I heard this from my friend's fiance (thats his heretage)....apparently if taken for about a month it increases the immune system by 600%..I don't know of any studies about this but I'd like to think that its true since that is his background. I'll let you know how it goes.

Playing the relaxation cd as background noise is an excellent idea...i never actually thought of it. I'm definately going to give that a go. We did a bit of Qi Gong in the collage and i found it sooooo difficult but then again it was only a few times. I've tried Tai Chi a bit but i get frustrated because i don't know if i'm doing it right...i only have a book that i do it from...never took classes...can't really afford to do that right now unfortunately

Thank you again

Mike

You're most welcome<span class="ev_code_PINK">;*)</span>, Mike!
It must have taken A LOT of courage to confront your abuser. As difficult as it was for you, I'm glad you did it so you don't have to live with regret. As for the stroke thing, I don't know, maybe this was a Divine punishment so he couldn't hurt anyone else?

I'm really sorry about that your sister and other family members have reacted to this. Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if SOMEONE knew SOMETHING... which makes how you've been treated especially sad . Family... I don't really know what to say, except you're stuck with what you get. Sometimes they're there for you, and sometimes you're just better off with good friends.

I'm glad to hear you're taking supplements. How ironic that you mentioned Vibe by Eniva- I just came across their website yesterday! I'm not really familiar with the other supplements, but with your background I'm sure you know what you're doing. I've FINALLY found naturopathic dr. who specializes in homeopathy. I haven't made an appt. yet, but I really want a complete "work up" by a professional to ensure I'm taking what's best for my conditions (anxiety/acid reflux). How interesting about the white fir... def. something to look into!

Instead of taking Tai Chi/Qi Gong classes, maybe you could buy a DVD? I know Target carries both; do you have Target in Canada? I've been almost everywhere else but never Canada... I even grew up fewer than 6-7 hrs. from the border.

Anyway, keep in touch and be good to yourself!
fischee

This was posted by Peace1 about a week ago. Thought you might appreciate a good laugh- enjoy!
<A HREF="http://curezone.com/forums/fm.asp?i=1220706#i" TARGET=_blank>http://curezone.com/forums/fm.asp?i=1220706#i</A>

It did take a bit of courage however i was focused on how much pain it was...so it was really out of a weakness that i did it.

Some of them do know...it happened to my mother by this person and my mother caught him with my sister. My grandma was soooooo spaced out and not there....she may have known too...i'd say she was filled with anxiety and depression 500% more than anybody else i've ever met. I have good friends though which is nice..i can choose where i wanna spend christmas

All naturopaths are trained in homeopathy. Some just don't prefer to use it. If you do go that route you need to let the person know if it is making your condition worse or not...i've tried some homeopathy...undas actually.

I've never heard of a store named Target.

Mike

Great post Mike!!

Zoe

What is/are "undas"- never heard of it. WHAT- never heard of Target??? J/K- you could probably find the same DVDs on Amazon for less $$$. I really like the Gaiam series but don't know if they carry Tai Chi/Qi Gong.
fischee

Mike thank you for sharing your story. Wow you have overcame so much I am proud of you. Even thou you don't know me I believe you.
You keep your head up and keep working towards a better life. God Bless you

Thank you everyone for the support it is greatly appreciated.

Unda is a brand of homeopathic medicine...they use them in certain combinations for diffrent problems.