long car trip to see relatives in 3 states

[blue indigo]

Hello,
I am Patti. Just on week 2 of the course, and need some advice about this trip north to be with husband's family for the 4th July. I am feeling anxious and fatigued just thinking about it, I know I should see this as "exciting" but I just wanted to travel by car with my husband to the coast for a relaxing vacation 5 or 6 hour trip. I think my husband feels compelled to go up there since he has several elderly relatives who are ill. Shall I just brave it and go there, and let whatever anxiety episodes happen and use the new skills to work through them? I guess all these years, I have felt like not telling anyone that I have been anxious, nervous and fearful about things. I'd like to hear from the experts on this. Our family is not particularly close, although we keep in touch with some family members by phone. We live 950 miles from my husband's family. I need to choose the family gathering where we can see many of his relatives on the 4th or to choose to go to the coast and have a relaxing vacation. Please let me have your thoughts on this. Thanks so much!!

Patti

[jkulag]

I completely sympathize with you. I've also just started the program (which I love) but I read From Panic to Power years ago and have been working on these different topics for several years. I took a trip with my husband last month to see his relatives 800 miles away. Of course, going to the coast, as you want ,sounds much more relaxing to me, too. And probably to most people, but sometimes we have to go see the relatives. I talked to my husband about what I needed to feel comfortable on our trip. When his sister got on my nerves (she's very negative), I went for a walk or went to my bedroom and read a book or something. This was perfectly fine with my husband, so that made it easy. Basically I thought about what would help me feel relaxed, ( having something uplifting to read, soothing tapes or music, walks, browsing little shops) and made a point of doing these things when I needed to. It helps alot that my husband is very agreeable. And sometimes he spent time with the relatives and I either joined them or not, depending on how it was going.When we had to go do something that felt stressful , like visiting his mom in a nursing home, I planned something to do afterwards that was exciting or fun. That gave me something to look forward to while we were at the nursing home. When we got home I was glad I had gone. I felt more confident and pleased with myself. Next month we are planning to go to his high school reunion about 600 miles away. I'm already psyching myself up for it. And I plan to use the same stradegy. I think it helps alot if your husband is flexible and supportive. That to me, makes all the difference when traveling. Best wishes for your trip, whichever you choose. jkulag

[blue indigo]

I am very grateful for your reply. We may just decide to do this trip. Lucinda suggests we break through this anticipation/anxious wall and do the trip anyway. Thank you for all your sensible and wise tips on how to mingle in with his family members. Many times when older people are ill, they don't feel well and they are pretty negative. Practicing our new skills, we can be a good example to others around us even as we heal ourselves of anxiety disorder.

All the best to you,

Patti

[jkulag]

So glad I could be helpful. Hope you have a great trip !! jkulag