daughter getting married...cant go
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mrsunderstood
- Posts: 18
- Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2008 4:33 pm
My daughter is getting married next summer but the wedding is in the Carribbean,their is no way I can get on a plane,I find it difficult just to go to the grocery store without a panic attack,but i will never forgive myself if i dont go.Not to mention the money factor,they have been living together for 5 years.His family has alot of money so they will all be there.My daughter and I are so close,Im afraid that this will destroy our relationship.Her father will be going (my ex)Im glad that they are getting closer but it hurts that I have always been there for her and he hasnt.I hope this doesnt sound selfish but i know my limits I just dont think I can do it.
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Guest
mrsunderstood,
1st off have faith in yourself. Don't say I can't do it, think that this is next summer and you will have practiced your skills so much by then and you can and will do it.. When it comes time to get on the plan think to yourself, It is ok, I have not been on a plane in long time if ever, and it is ok to nervous. Give yourself calming breaths and positive feedback. I know that you can do this and come next summer you will be fine...
Chin up, don't think negative think that you can and will do this...
Candi
1st off have faith in yourself. Don't say I can't do it, think that this is next summer and you will have practiced your skills so much by then and you can and will do it.. When it comes time to get on the plan think to yourself, It is ok, I have not been on a plane in long time if ever, and it is ok to nervous. Give yourself calming breaths and positive feedback. I know that you can do this and come next summer you will be fine...
Chin up, don't think negative think that you can and will do this...
Candi
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Guest
Hello!I know how you feel!My son is getting married in September.He's just going to be turning 19 in July so this is really freaking me out!Anyway I don't feel like I can make it to his wedding either.Sad thing is is that it's in town.I'm so agoraphobic that this would be one heck of a task for me!My family will throw this in my face if I don't go though not to mention how that will make my son feel!He's already been through so much in his child life.His dad will be there too.He had not even seen my son sense he was 3 years old until this last summer.Going to be very uncomfortable!I'm sorry that tis isn't very encouraging.I really can only say that you're not alone.I'll pray for you.Please pray for me as well.Maybe we'll be able to do this with calmness.God Bless!!
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Guest
My entire family has been planning a trip to Hawaii for a long time. I now have agoraphobia and like you all have difficulty going places. The trip is in July this year which is coming up fast. To boot, this year marks our 10th wedding anniversary and so the trip was meant to allow us time together for each other. Wow! No pressure there eh? And she knows full well I may not be able to go and it is absolutely crushing. I feel so silly and selfish but this anxiety & panic is something that I must heal from and it will work out in due course.
I am trying to make this a positive goal for myself to reach. Just because today I don't feel good is no predictor of tomorrow. Perhaps you might consider in your mind being in the Caribbean? What would it look like there? What would it feel like? Can you see yourself surrounded by family & having fun? What is the worst that could happen? And if the worst did happen and you got over it there then what would be left? I'm asking that you take the risk of going there in your mind and imagine it as a real possibility. Because if you can do that maybe it is a real possibility you could actually do this trip. What if you did do it? How would you feel then? I know this is tough- I wish you the best of luck!
I am trying to make this a positive goal for myself to reach. Just because today I don't feel good is no predictor of tomorrow. Perhaps you might consider in your mind being in the Caribbean? What would it look like there? What would it feel like? Can you see yourself surrounded by family & having fun? What is the worst that could happen? And if the worst did happen and you got over it there then what would be left? I'm asking that you take the risk of going there in your mind and imagine it as a real possibility. Because if you can do that maybe it is a real possibility you could actually do this trip. What if you did do it? How would you feel then? I know this is tough- I wish you the best of luck!
Thank you all for your advice and encouragement.I really havent stopped to think that I have a year to work on this.I dont want to waste a whole year being upset and anxious about this.I will stick with the program and I have been thinking about seeing a therapist.Good luck to you fearnot and sparkus on your upcoming wedding and trip.
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Guest
Mrsunderstood,
I hadn't flown in years. Same reason as you. I always feared, what if......! You have a year to feed your thoughts with the program only. Think those thoughts, try not to entertain the negative it feeds on itself. Also, not sure if it is the airports or the airlines that sponsor classes for people afraid to fly. Where they expose you in phases to the process. At the end of the series of classes you take a small flight you are with others who feel the same. You could google it. Or call your local airport. I find if I get educated on something I am terrified of it takes the unknown away and my fears settle down. It's the lack of control that upsets me and the negative stinkin thinkin. What city are you in? I personally did not take the classes. I did end up on a small dose of paxil because I had agoraphobia and now am weaning off it. I have flown from coast to coast and LOVE to fly. I am planning on flying to Hawaii summer of '09 and am going to work the program until I can recite it back word for word! LOL Hang in there. You are not alone. We're pulling for you! Look at the wedding as a calling to be freed from your panic.
Kathleen
I hadn't flown in years. Same reason as you. I always feared, what if......! You have a year to feed your thoughts with the program only. Think those thoughts, try not to entertain the negative it feeds on itself. Also, not sure if it is the airports or the airlines that sponsor classes for people afraid to fly. Where they expose you in phases to the process. At the end of the series of classes you take a small flight you are with others who feel the same. You could google it. Or call your local airport. I find if I get educated on something I am terrified of it takes the unknown away and my fears settle down. It's the lack of control that upsets me and the negative stinkin thinkin. What city are you in? I personally did not take the classes. I did end up on a small dose of paxil because I had agoraphobia and now am weaning off it. I have flown from coast to coast and LOVE to fly. I am planning on flying to Hawaii summer of '09 and am going to work the program until I can recite it back word for word! LOL Hang in there. You are not alone. We're pulling for you! Look at the wedding as a calling to be freed from your panic.
Kathleen
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Guest
MrsUnderstood,
I understand how upsetting that can be! The thing to keep in mind is, anxiety doesn't have to be a life sentence. Think about the folks on the tape. A woman who is now flying all over the world, at one point, couldn't go to her mailbox, let alone a grocery store. People DO get better, but it's hard to remember that when your anxiety is so bad and you're so deep in it. Just a few months ago, I couldn't leave my bed. I go everywhere now. I go to the store, out to dinner, visit friends, no problem. It's not impossible to enjoy life again and to go places. I found a life coach who I really click with and she has helped me a lot, she's taught me how to help myself! That's huge! Don't ever give up and don't decide yet if you're going or not! It's a total waste of your energy.
I understand how upsetting that can be! The thing to keep in mind is, anxiety doesn't have to be a life sentence. Think about the folks on the tape. A woman who is now flying all over the world, at one point, couldn't go to her mailbox, let alone a grocery store. People DO get better, but it's hard to remember that when your anxiety is so bad and you're so deep in it. Just a few months ago, I couldn't leave my bed. I go everywhere now. I go to the store, out to dinner, visit friends, no problem. It's not impossible to enjoy life again and to go places. I found a life coach who I really click with and she has helped me a lot, she's taught me how to help myself! That's huge! Don't ever give up and don't decide yet if you're going or not! It's a total waste of your energy.
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Guest
hi kathleenjh and karilynn,I am from a very small town about 80 miles east of Dallas,I think alot of my agoraphobia comes from the fact that I work at home,a screen printing business so I rarely leave the house,I am never around other people and when I am I feel so strange and have a strong urge to leave (or run).I just dont know how to even associate with people,I always feel that they think I am weird.I am trying to think of ways to get over this,my negative thinking always gets the best of me.Thank you for your replies.
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Guest
mrs u,
I too work alone. I have been cleaning houses alone for 22 years. As I got better I wanted to be around people. It is a process, just remember that. We didn't get so negative overnight and it takes time and working the program. I now love to be social. I feel I have something to offer others whether it be in conversation or just showing up to something I had been invited to. Before I would have ready made excuses as to why I couldn't attend. I remember thinking that other people must think I am weird but today I could care less. Back then, that is the only thought that entered my mind. Challenge yourself a little each day come out of your comfort zone and just let the panic wash over you and watch how you come out the other side....alive! It doesn't have to be big steps you can take a baby step everyday. God Bless, I believe you are going to beat this thing you need to believe it too.
Kathleen
I too work alone. I have been cleaning houses alone for 22 years. As I got better I wanted to be around people. It is a process, just remember that. We didn't get so negative overnight and it takes time and working the program. I now love to be social. I feel I have something to offer others whether it be in conversation or just showing up to something I had been invited to. Before I would have ready made excuses as to why I couldn't attend. I remember thinking that other people must think I am weird but today I could care less. Back then, that is the only thought that entered my mind. Challenge yourself a little each day come out of your comfort zone and just let the panic wash over you and watch how you come out the other side....alive! It doesn't have to be big steps you can take a baby step everyday. God Bless, I believe you are going to beat this thing you need to believe it too.
Kathleen