Those are about the whole of my problems with Will at this time, and I am very greatfull for that. God has blessed me in that area. At least Will is not an unruley child using drugs and scaring the crap out of me just to gain controll. Will has grown up to be a decent young man who is very respectfull, but who is also very impressionable. I am greatfull that he also wants to leave an impression - a good one, on those that meet him. I know the 14 year old thing was definitely not respect - but it is handled, and I will listen to his word just this once on this situation, saying the situation never happens again, that is, and I set that down to him. I hope there is never a next time, so I won't have to betray him in order to prevent hurt for April, but i will deal with that when the time comes. [FILE 13.]
Chad is a very confused, but very unruley and manipulative 17 year old young man who needs to get a grip. I can not do anything about the decisions he has made, and can not controll him - BUT I also can not let him controll me, or my household for that matter, as he has done in the past. It hurts so very badly that he left here on December 31st right around 2:00 AM EST. The hurt will pass. Life is tough, but we get though it. I told my teenagers that the reason that they could not get away with anything is that they were blessed with reformed parents who were determined not to let thier kids go in the same direction they had. When they asked how I planned on doing that, I told them, well, first of all - you can always come talk to me. We won't compare notes, so to speak, because I AM your mother, and although I made mistakes, I do not wear them as badges and am not proud of them. The important thing about my mistakes is that I can help others not to make the same mistakes by sharing my experiences. The important thing is that the person I share my experiences with need to be listneing in a way that leads them to learn from my experience and not make the very same terrible mistakes. If they think it is fun, I won't even let them know - and THAT is why Chad does not know me. It is not my fault that I could not share that part of my life with him. I was able to share it with my daughter, who attends Baylor University, is an Army Wife at 19 years old tomorrow. She waited until graduation to get married, and married a Virgin. She has stayed in school, and does not drink except 1 or two small drinks socially that she actually told me about because she does not like it or understand people who do. They live very well, have a very hard earned and honest lifestyle -and I am proud of her decisions, as well as the young lady she has became, and may become still yet.
Chad made it so he can say that he does not even know me or his dad and that it is my fault, but it is not my fault. He was not responsible enough for me to share mine or his father's mistakes with. We are sorry that such a large part of our lives involves the mistakes we made, but can not change the past or dwell in it.
Chad is a smart young man, but will not apply himself. I can not support him doing the things he was doing at my house, so I did not make a mistake in telling him that he had to go back to california to live with his Dad and face the failed grade, and his punishment instead of running from them. Where I can sympathize and understand that his dad can be controlling, I have also seen it in Chad since he was a very young child, and he did control my household for a long time, and kept it in turmoil constantly. When he was 14, he was too hard to keep him from controlling me and the household, and I allowed his Dad to do it for a while. His Dad may be a very controlling person, but it TAKES a VERY controlling person to HANDLE a very controlling child. I am sorry. I never believed in boot camps and grouop home with my older two and was appalled by them, until Chad came of age to show me why parent would SEND a child to a place like that. I would send him now, if I could find him. Let me reword that thought - I am going to send him to one, as soon as he comes home. I am looking at having him declared unruley, in order to keep him underage until 18 here in the State of Georgia. Then if he does not want to return to california, he can go to boot camp or a group home, because he has made it more than a little clear that he is not going to do the right things or make the right decisions at my house. He wants me to be his enabler, but I will not enable him, he can not stay here. {Thank you Don.} Life is hard, life really stinks at times, but it is also what we make of it. At htis point, he is making his life, I am just a parent, doing what I have to do for myself, and the rest of my household. I can not allow him to create the termoil around his Grandmother with Alzheimer's who lives here, or my overly extremly impressionable Autistic 15 year old brother who depends on me. He is 17, know what he is doing and if I can't stop it, I have to tell him to take it elsewhere in order to protect my little brother and my mother.
This is a New Year. I will not dwell on the bad things hapening today. Today is mine and my Fiance's Anniversary - 9 years today. I think I should be happy today, so I will be happy today. That is all. Chad is in God's hands. Tomorrow is my daughter's 19th birthday. this is supposed to be a happy week. It will be a happy week.
No what if's today. Life is hard, but we get through it with an abbundance of happy times in the end. That is what matters.
