Ok, I have been really going off some kind of edge myself for a few weeks. A few weeks ago, we had a death in the family, and i don't do deaths. But my problems with my two boys have been going on for years, and yesterday, things came to a head with both of them - two TOTALLY different problems too, and both of them are overwhelming alone, but coupled, and I can't even control my thoughts because my options are running out. I have cried so much in the last few weeks for no reason except my own unreasonalble fears of deaths and my other fear I can't talk about yet, but yesterday, a new wave of tears and anger hit that I can not shake, and it has been over 24 hours since the tears started, but 48 since the first situation started coming unravelled.
My oldest son who is 20, but lives here, did not come home Sunday night as I had expected for the arrival of his two younger siblings from Texes and California, and when I found out none of his normal group had seen him, I finally found out he had a girlfriend some two hours away. I called her phone, only to find out it was her mom's home phone and that she was only 14 and that her seemingly very confused parents were tickled pink over my 20 year old as her newest boyfriend. My 20 year old has a girlfriend his own age here where we live. So after he came home, when I woke yesterday, I found out that his girlfriend here had lost his baby while he was very rudely avoiding her for this 14 year old. I thought she was still a virgin, as she is a long time friend of our family, but evidently, my son took care of that. I went off like a rocket, I mean, I might not be ready for grandchildren, but I am also not into turning babies away if they happen. I handled the 14 year old rather rudely myself, as well as her parents. Now I have to deal with my 33 year old sister, and my X-husband's 36 year old brother because they knew about all of this, and have been partying with my son, knowing how I feel about it, but not respecting how I feel. So I could literally kill my sister, and my x-husband's brother. I can't believe my son is messing up this bad, and I don't know how to stop it. He asked for, on average 10-20 dollars per day, and has not had a job since October. I have told him he had to move out, but he doesn't listen any more since the first three times I put him out he also got put out from his roommates for not paying his portion of the bills.
Now my youngest son is 17, and i sent him to live with his father at age 14 cause I couldn't handle him, and I caught and tested him for smoking pot. He has gotten into serious trouble everytime he has visited since he moved to California, but he does not get into trouble there. I have been severely depressed even more so since he moved out. Now he is here to visit for Christmas. He ran away yesterday evening, I mean, he was running in and out with the younger kids, and then he wnet out and the yonger kids were looking for him 5 minutes later, and he was just gone. Ran Away. It took me almost really jumping on his friend's very nieve mother, and telling her that condoning kids drug use is not good parenting, and for the first time in over 25 years, I actually tried to jump on someone. I was snapping. My oldest son finally found him, and had to literally put him in his car to bring him home. I rode around four hours looking myself, then my son found him about midnight with a couple of thugs. He says he did it because life at his dad's is unbearably strict. he had me convinced that he needs to come back here, and get counseling and a new group of friends and go to a private school. Then I took his cell phone. Then i read the texts responses. ( He has his sent texts on auto delete.) but he was evidently planning quite a bit of drug use while he was here, because I even know his dealer's name now. He is crying non-stop, saying he can't go back there, and I know he will try to run away again from the airport. I am at my wits end. I thought about sending him to a group home here, because his father used to be abussive, although Chad says he is not now, I wonder if a lot of emotional abuse is causing all this. Another possibility is that my son may have severe behavioral issues that need treatment, but since he is not getting any there, should i keep him here and force him to get the help he needs? I am so depressed lately that I can't function. There are other things going on, and i can't go into all of it now, but I have even been avoiding this group. I need this group though. I feel really crazy right now, and the lady I tried to jump on last night thinks I am crazy because I was wanting to beat her butt for not making her son tell me where mine was, and he knew, and she was covering for him. Please, any advice?
Tina
I AM going crazy, my son is on some sort of edge, and I don't know what to do.
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Guest
Tena,
I hope things are better by now even though I know from experience they are probably worse.
1. First, in my opinion, from experience, I think the 20 year old needs to go. If he will not leave willingly, then make it a better choice. List what you can do to change his mind as in no money from you, no privacy or benefits for living there such as laundry, food, tv, etc.
2. He is officially an adult now (over 18) and I am sure he thinks he is an adult. You raised him the best you knew how at the time with the knowledge and experience you had. He is old enough now to begin to make choices of how he wants to be treated and what behavior will get that. Let him be responsible for himself. (Personally, I had to give my son to God every day for awhile just to survive myself. I eventually got to where I could sleep at night and trust God, even knowing what he was or might be doing.) If he has to go to a shelter, or keeps getting put out of friends homes, he will eventually figure out he needs a job. Let him be the one to suffer his own consequences. As long as you let him stay with you and give him money, he will never learn responsibility or love. It is your duty to kick him out of the nest so he can learn to fly on his own.
3. You told the 14 year old girl's parents that he is 20 and not a good idea. Your job is done. She is truly not your job to raise. Study "boundaries" to help you let go of what you cannot change.
4. The 17 year old: hummm... if you really think he would find new friends with you after seeing his texting and knowing his plans.... and with the previous experiences you have had with the 20 year old and this one... I would have to say have dad come get him (so he cannot run away) and do not have him back until you and he are better.
TELL THEM ALL THAT YOU LOVE THEM WITH ALL OF YOUR HEART BUT THAT YOU ARE UNABLE TO DO OR TO GIVE MORE AT THIS TIME and ask them to stay in touch and you will let them know or they will know from talking to you, when you are better. Then pray for God to protect them and lead them and thank God that he heard your prayers and is working in your behalf.
FINALLY, t.a.k.e / c.a.r.e / o.f / y.o.u.r.s.e.l.f NOW so you can be there when the light gets turned on in their heads and they realize that you did what you had to do for you and for them.
The sooner you do it the better for them and for you. I promise. It hurts at first. But then the longer they go and the more they learn the hard way, the more they love you when they turn around. This is from experience. The longer you wait, the more of their life they lose and it is harder for them to get up.
This is a soap box for mothers with anxiety disorder raising sons who will not grow up.
I care.
Sandra
I hope things are better by now even though I know from experience they are probably worse.
1. First, in my opinion, from experience, I think the 20 year old needs to go. If he will not leave willingly, then make it a better choice. List what you can do to change his mind as in no money from you, no privacy or benefits for living there such as laundry, food, tv, etc.
2. He is officially an adult now (over 18) and I am sure he thinks he is an adult. You raised him the best you knew how at the time with the knowledge and experience you had. He is old enough now to begin to make choices of how he wants to be treated and what behavior will get that. Let him be responsible for himself. (Personally, I had to give my son to God every day for awhile just to survive myself. I eventually got to where I could sleep at night and trust God, even knowing what he was or might be doing.) If he has to go to a shelter, or keeps getting put out of friends homes, he will eventually figure out he needs a job. Let him be the one to suffer his own consequences. As long as you let him stay with you and give him money, he will never learn responsibility or love. It is your duty to kick him out of the nest so he can learn to fly on his own.
3. You told the 14 year old girl's parents that he is 20 and not a good idea. Your job is done. She is truly not your job to raise. Study "boundaries" to help you let go of what you cannot change.
4. The 17 year old: hummm... if you really think he would find new friends with you after seeing his texting and knowing his plans.... and with the previous experiences you have had with the 20 year old and this one... I would have to say have dad come get him (so he cannot run away) and do not have him back until you and he are better.
TELL THEM ALL THAT YOU LOVE THEM WITH ALL OF YOUR HEART BUT THAT YOU ARE UNABLE TO DO OR TO GIVE MORE AT THIS TIME and ask them to stay in touch and you will let them know or they will know from talking to you, when you are better. Then pray for God to protect them and lead them and thank God that he heard your prayers and is working in your behalf.
FINALLY, t.a.k.e / c.a.r.e / o.f / y.o.u.r.s.e.l.f NOW so you can be there when the light gets turned on in their heads and they realize that you did what you had to do for you and for them.
The sooner you do it the better for them and for you. I promise. It hurts at first. But then the longer they go and the more they learn the hard way, the more they love you when they turn around. This is from experience. The longer you wait, the more of their life they lose and it is harder for them to get up.
This is a soap box for mothers with anxiety disorder raising sons who will not grow up.
I care.
Sandra
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Guest
Sandra,
Thank you so much. You were right on so many levels. My son's girlfriend did not loose the BABIES. Yes, plurral. She is having twins and is about 6 - 7 weeks now. My son is going nuts not having cigarettes, gas, or any of the stuff he was getting from me. We even gave the guest bed to my youngest son while he is here, and let the oldest sleep on the spare matress. He tried to start several fights in order to get money, but I have been walking away from them and telling him there is nothing to discuss, he owes me work for approx 150.00 worth and it is cut off time. He will not do the work, we know that, but it is one way to make him understand part of why he can't have our help in that area. I have let his girlfriend know that I will not tolerate her quitting college because of this, that I will do whatever it takes to help make sure she finishes her education. We are going to try to help my oldest son get a job. He does have a problem in that area. Mommy (me) has always done everything for him, and it has blown up in my face. I even got his first job for him on my reputation. He walked out twice after having been there for nearly two years, and now they won't hire him back, and i told him he can't blame them. So now he is applying to places like Burger King and such. Now is when I have to teach him that while he is fixing to see all the horrors that I warned him about of trying to raise kids without a full education, it can be done. I feel as if I have to get him out of that resteraunt mode and into real-job mode. Well, I am not dissing resteraunt jobs, I raised my kids for many years on waitress pay until I started getting promotions for higher training, and it is hard. So yeah, things are getting worse there, but on the other hand, since he has seen that two girlfriends is not going to work around me, and he has babies coming, he seems humbled. Seems is the key word here though.
My youngest. He has it all planned out. He is going to provoke his Dad into hitting him if he comes to get him, and call the police because he is 17, and in the state of GA 17 is legal age for making your own decisions in the eyes of the law - but us parents are still responsible because they can't go to a doctor til they are 18, can't get credit, can't have a rental lease, can't even get a liscense until they turn 21 if they can't produce an attendance certificate from thier assigned school. So really they (state law-makers) give our kids permission to run away from home, but not the permissions they need in order to make it.
So he says if I don't let him stay here, he will find somewhere, and I am sure I know where. The lady that I tried to jump on in my front yard the other night is the mother of one of his friends that is on drugs and drinking at home and such so his mother 'can keep him out of trouble'. Sorry, I don't condone that. I think it is sorry parenting. I told her as much, and more, so I know where he would go, just to get my goat. But he is finding out that since I started this program, it is a lot harder for him to get my goat now. So, according to the law, I can't make h im go back. I forwarded the pertinent text messages back to the people that sent them. Then that one boy called my oldest son with such an off the wall, uncalled for, and just plain dimm request - wanted him to get him some liquer. I called him back and told him it is not allowed in my home, the adults don't drink liquer here. Then I asked if he'd gotten the text messages I forwarded back to him, and told him I have all i need to have him locked up, and that he never needs to call or show his face around here again. So my son knocked a hole in the wall, and tosses a $100.00 bill at us like it makes it better. First of all, I knew he had saved money up for running away but never knew how much. So we took the money and told him he will be learning to use a sheetrock repair kit and paint brush this week, because money doesn't make things like that go away, or make what happened any better. Now I am stuck. I found out how bad it really is with his dad, and yes, my gut instinct tells me he has been broken, his spirit, I mean. there are signs of emotional abuse that are undeniable - I know, the man backed me against a wall and told me what crap I was for 7 yeras. I thought getting clean, which he did 5 years ago, would change him. I guess some core components of a personality never change though. But I am torn because although he doesn't need that treatment, and to be told he is no good - he also doesn't need to be running these streets here.
I am working hard with my relaxation, and the tapes. Session 4 is helping me to stay strong until I can help me to stay strong. I know I need to be my own safe person, but I am not safe. i have made so many wrong choices, I feel as if I can't make decisions any more. i really feel like a train wreck. When I overcome this, I will be lots better off.
Tina
Thank you so much. You were right on so many levels. My son's girlfriend did not loose the BABIES. Yes, plurral. She is having twins and is about 6 - 7 weeks now. My son is going nuts not having cigarettes, gas, or any of the stuff he was getting from me. We even gave the guest bed to my youngest son while he is here, and let the oldest sleep on the spare matress. He tried to start several fights in order to get money, but I have been walking away from them and telling him there is nothing to discuss, he owes me work for approx 150.00 worth and it is cut off time. He will not do the work, we know that, but it is one way to make him understand part of why he can't have our help in that area. I have let his girlfriend know that I will not tolerate her quitting college because of this, that I will do whatever it takes to help make sure she finishes her education. We are going to try to help my oldest son get a job. He does have a problem in that area. Mommy (me) has always done everything for him, and it has blown up in my face. I even got his first job for him on my reputation. He walked out twice after having been there for nearly two years, and now they won't hire him back, and i told him he can't blame them. So now he is applying to places like Burger King and such. Now is when I have to teach him that while he is fixing to see all the horrors that I warned him about of trying to raise kids without a full education, it can be done. I feel as if I have to get him out of that resteraunt mode and into real-job mode. Well, I am not dissing resteraunt jobs, I raised my kids for many years on waitress pay until I started getting promotions for higher training, and it is hard. So yeah, things are getting worse there, but on the other hand, since he has seen that two girlfriends is not going to work around me, and he has babies coming, he seems humbled. Seems is the key word here though.
My youngest. He has it all planned out. He is going to provoke his Dad into hitting him if he comes to get him, and call the police because he is 17, and in the state of GA 17 is legal age for making your own decisions in the eyes of the law - but us parents are still responsible because they can't go to a doctor til they are 18, can't get credit, can't have a rental lease, can't even get a liscense until they turn 21 if they can't produce an attendance certificate from thier assigned school. So really they (state law-makers) give our kids permission to run away from home, but not the permissions they need in order to make it.
So he says if I don't let him stay here, he will find somewhere, and I am sure I know where. The lady that I tried to jump on in my front yard the other night is the mother of one of his friends that is on drugs and drinking at home and such so his mother 'can keep him out of trouble'. Sorry, I don't condone that. I think it is sorry parenting. I told her as much, and more, so I know where he would go, just to get my goat. But he is finding out that since I started this program, it is a lot harder for him to get my goat now. So, according to the law, I can't make h im go back. I forwarded the pertinent text messages back to the people that sent them. Then that one boy called my oldest son with such an off the wall, uncalled for, and just plain dimm request - wanted him to get him some liquer. I called him back and told him it is not allowed in my home, the adults don't drink liquer here. Then I asked if he'd gotten the text messages I forwarded back to him, and told him I have all i need to have him locked up, and that he never needs to call or show his face around here again. So my son knocked a hole in the wall, and tosses a $100.00 bill at us like it makes it better. First of all, I knew he had saved money up for running away but never knew how much. So we took the money and told him he will be learning to use a sheetrock repair kit and paint brush this week, because money doesn't make things like that go away, or make what happened any better. Now I am stuck. I found out how bad it really is with his dad, and yes, my gut instinct tells me he has been broken, his spirit, I mean. there are signs of emotional abuse that are undeniable - I know, the man backed me against a wall and told me what crap I was for 7 yeras. I thought getting clean, which he did 5 years ago, would change him. I guess some core components of a personality never change though. But I am torn because although he doesn't need that treatment, and to be told he is no good - he also doesn't need to be running these streets here.
I am working hard with my relaxation, and the tapes. Session 4 is helping me to stay strong until I can help me to stay strong. I know I need to be my own safe person, but I am not safe. i have made so many wrong choices, I feel as if I can't make decisions any more. i really feel like a train wreck. When I overcome this, I will be lots better off.
Tina
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Guest
i will pray for you...im 20 now..and ive been clean for a long time..but i was on drugs for years...the honest to God truth you have to let him do what he wants because regardless to what you say..he is lost...he probably is suffering from childhood events of some sort...i know i was...i always said smoking weed helped me...well it kinda did...but it is illegal and you go to jail...weed doesnt help you..it just makes you not care about anything...your surrounding nothing...im serious i smoked since i was 9...and ive been clean of everything and now i have really bad ocd...becauseive had it since i was 7...and now its just terrible but i dont care ide rather put my mind through hell then do drugs drink or smoke cigs..
i will pray for you.
God bless.
oh yeah..and if your son cheated on his girlfriend..he doesnt deserve her..so if i was you i would tell her because you wouldnt want someone cheating on you and hurt you and your
i will pray for you.
God bless.
oh yeah..and if your son cheated on his girlfriend..he doesnt deserve her..so if i was you i would tell her because you wouldnt want someone cheating on you and hurt you and your
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Guest
I hope someone is here. I am not coping. My baby left between 1 AM and 2 AM and I am dying. They went ot find him but they can't. The police won't look. I need help. I am going to loose i t. I feel like it is my fault. if i had told him he can astay but I didn't. I told h im he had to go back and he ran away. he ran away because I was going to make him take his class back over in California aqnd now he is gone. God please pray for my baby.
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Guest
Tina,
Yes, I will pray for all of your family. It is not your fault! One day when you are healthier, you will know what I am saying. It happened and you cannot keep going over the past or change it. So stop blaming yourself. Ask God, then thank God that He heard your prayer and that He will be with you and your son. Keep thanking Him. Keep your eyes on God's Word and whatever else you can but not on what happened early this morning. God bless and be with you.
Yes, I will pray for all of your family. It is not your fault! One day when you are healthier, you will know what I am saying. It happened and you cannot keep going over the past or change it. So stop blaming yourself. Ask God, then thank God that He heard your prayer and that He will be with you and your son. Keep thanking Him. Keep your eyes on God's Word and whatever else you can but not on what happened early this morning. God bless and be with you.
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Guest
sandrakay,
Thank you for that. i have heard those words in different ways about 10,000 times since 2 this morning when I checked on him and he was gone. The way you word it sounds more comforting somehow. I made a huge mistake and was very mad at God for a while last night and it was so weird, because I was raging at God outside in my front yard like a lunatic at 4 in the morning and suddenly I was crying asking him to take care of Chad. First I blamed myself, then God, and now I guess I have been trying to distrac myself and may not be ding the best job, but I am holding on now. I am going to have to stay tight today and not cry though. My Mother has Alzheimer's and we can not tell her he ran away. She lives here and I am her primary caretaker. She is confused enough from the holidays, she can't be told this 150 times today, she'll have 150 heart attacks. We are just going to tell her he is at a friends house if she notices him gone. Since he does not live here regularly, she probably won't miss him. You know, I think that was one of the hardest things last night. I kept catching myself wanting my dad and crying for my momma. She is here, but I am the adult now, not her, and I wanted to go wake her up and tell her I needed her to hold me until the pain went away --- and I can't. I mean she can't. I have just tried to hold up and tried to be the rock for all of us, and now this rock is showing it's age and starting to crumble. I don't like being the strong one, and right now I just want to lay down and cry, but I am all cried out. I want to try to watch tv, but when I starre at the screen, I find myself looking out the windows behind the tv. I tried cleaning up, but I ended up at the kitchen door, staring out. 5 months ago, I would have called the doc during the night to get medicine. Last night, I did not loose my ability to function, although I did feel like I would. 8 months ago, I did, and it took 4 different meds coupled together to bring me back. I have to go fix breakfast now though. I am using positive talk. I know it was his choice to use drugs, to fail his class, to come out here to visit and use me in order to hurt his dad. it was his choice to run from his problems. I hope that when all this is over he has learned that you can't run from self made troubles, all you can do is try, try again. I hope he doesn't , ok, that is what if thinking. I am going to vow not to think about what would, what if, or any whats today. Today is about Chad and God. And I hope God can get through to him and hold on to him.
Thank you for that. i have heard those words in different ways about 10,000 times since 2 this morning when I checked on him and he was gone. The way you word it sounds more comforting somehow. I made a huge mistake and was very mad at God for a while last night and it was so weird, because I was raging at God outside in my front yard like a lunatic at 4 in the morning and suddenly I was crying asking him to take care of Chad. First I blamed myself, then God, and now I guess I have been trying to distrac myself and may not be ding the best job, but I am holding on now. I am going to have to stay tight today and not cry though. My Mother has Alzheimer's and we can not tell her he ran away. She lives here and I am her primary caretaker. She is confused enough from the holidays, she can't be told this 150 times today, she'll have 150 heart attacks. We are just going to tell her he is at a friends house if she notices him gone. Since he does not live here regularly, she probably won't miss him. You know, I think that was one of the hardest things last night. I kept catching myself wanting my dad and crying for my momma. She is here, but I am the adult now, not her, and I wanted to go wake her up and tell her I needed her to hold me until the pain went away --- and I can't. I mean she can't. I have just tried to hold up and tried to be the rock for all of us, and now this rock is showing it's age and starting to crumble. I don't like being the strong one, and right now I just want to lay down and cry, but I am all cried out. I want to try to watch tv, but when I starre at the screen, I find myself looking out the windows behind the tv. I tried cleaning up, but I ended up at the kitchen door, staring out. 5 months ago, I would have called the doc during the night to get medicine. Last night, I did not loose my ability to function, although I did feel like I would. 8 months ago, I did, and it took 4 different meds coupled together to bring me back. I have to go fix breakfast now though. I am using positive talk. I know it was his choice to use drugs, to fail his class, to come out here to visit and use me in order to hurt his dad. it was his choice to run from his problems. I hope that when all this is over he has learned that you can't run from self made troubles, all you can do is try, try again. I hope he doesn't , ok, that is what if thinking. I am going to vow not to think about what would, what if, or any whats today. Today is about Chad and God. And I hope God can get through to him and hold on to him.
tena,
my heart goes out to you because you mak me think of me and my son.he was doing the wrong things at home and when he came here to visit it was like he was so good and you could eat out of his hand.he was hiding his drug problem. his mom had enabled him while he was in prison. I found out that she had been taking him drugs the whole time.that is why he went to her house when he got out instead of coming here and doing the right thing like going to church and serving God.
he had been in jail since then and his girlfirend is drinking all the time.they are still in virginia and have been here to visit 2 times.I do not give him money.he works a full time job and a part time and she works and he does not have the money for rent.guess who pays the rest ofthe rent that he does not have ? his mom.I worte a letter to her and said I hope and pray that she goes to jail for what she has done.if you talk to her you would think she is such a good christian.
I know that you son is using you to get back at his dad or at you.mine did.he is with som friends and if he stays there you will have your hands full and you have enough on your plate with your moms illness.your other son who is 20 and going wih a 14 yr old what can I say.hermom and dad should know and tell him to find one his own age.his girlfirend was pregnant and you said she lost the child.but then you said twins.
tena,keep your chin up and your trust in God.we will be praying for you.let 2009 be your year to shine.columbus ga.bringsback momeories of the time in service there at ft benning.take care and if you get a chance read my profile. it will fill you in on where I came from.be blessed.
don
I can't do it but HE can
my heart goes out to you because you mak me think of me and my son.he was doing the wrong things at home and when he came here to visit it was like he was so good and you could eat out of his hand.he was hiding his drug problem. his mom had enabled him while he was in prison. I found out that she had been taking him drugs the whole time.that is why he went to her house when he got out instead of coming here and doing the right thing like going to church and serving God.
he had been in jail since then and his girlfirend is drinking all the time.they are still in virginia and have been here to visit 2 times.I do not give him money.he works a full time job and a part time and she works and he does not have the money for rent.guess who pays the rest ofthe rent that he does not have ? his mom.I worte a letter to her and said I hope and pray that she goes to jail for what she has done.if you talk to her you would think she is such a good christian.
I know that you son is using you to get back at his dad or at you.mine did.he is with som friends and if he stays there you will have your hands full and you have enough on your plate with your moms illness.your other son who is 20 and going wih a 14 yr old what can I say.hermom and dad should know and tell him to find one his own age.his girlfirend was pregnant and you said she lost the child.but then you said twins.
tena,keep your chin up and your trust in God.we will be praying for you.let 2009 be your year to shine.columbus ga.bringsback momeories of the time in service there at ft benning.take care and if you get a chance read my profile. it will fill you in on where I came from.be blessed.
don
I can't do it but HE can
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Guest
Will is a 20 year old man. I can not force him to make the right decisions: BUT I can set firm rules for my household and enforce them; lead by example, although I have to realize that I am not perfect, and my kids have to realize that too. I will not obsess over things like the way clothes are washed - as long as they are clean, or the way dishes are put away - as long as somebody is taking the initiative to help. He has created the situation with his current girlfriend that is his age. I did all I could when I told the 14 year old that he had a girlfriend his age here, and that she needed to find one her own age and not call my house any more. His current girlfriend DOES know about the rendevous with the 14 year old - BUT I think is getting her revenge her own way - and I am going to stay out of it. I will catch him and hold him if he falls if I can, but I can not help what he does when he gets up and walks on his own, or the karma that he creates for himself. I will not, and have not since the day I found out about the 14 year old, give him money to support him. He quit school on his own as an 19 year old senior, and I will not support him, he has to get a job and start paying rent of at least grocery money each week, but preferably, he should also do his own laundry and clean his pigsti daily, because he is unreasonably slobby and I don't even think his current girlfriend is going to put up with it - and he would have to fork out some cash to make it worth anybodies time. I'd rather call the room my guest room, instead of his room, and set rules about my guest room to him so that at least it won't smell.
Those are about the whole of my problems with Will at this time, and I am very greatfull for that. God has blessed me in that area. At least Will is not an unruley child using drugs and scaring the crap out of me just to gain controll. Will has grown up to be a decent young man who is very respectfull, but who is also very impressionable. I am greatfull that he also wants to leave an impression - a good one, on those that meet him. I know the 14 year old thing was definitely not respect - but it is handled, and I will listen to his word just this once on this situation, saying the situation never happens again, that is, and I set that down to him. I hope there is never a next time, so I won't have to betray him in order to prevent hurt for April, but i will deal with that when the time comes. [FILE 13.]
Chad is a very confused, but very unruley and manipulative 17 year old young man who needs to get a grip. I can not do anything about the decisions he has made, and can not controll him - BUT I also can not let him controll me, or my household for that matter, as he has done in the past. It hurts so very badly that he left here on December 31st right around 2:00 AM EST. The hurt will pass. Life is tough, but we get though it. I told my teenagers that the reason that they could not get away with anything is that they were blessed with reformed parents who were determined not to let thier kids go in the same direction they had. When they asked how I planned on doing that, I told them, well, first of all - you can always come talk to me. We won't compare notes, so to speak, because I AM your mother, and although I made mistakes, I do not wear them as badges and am not proud of them. The important thing about my mistakes is that I can help others not to make the same mistakes by sharing my experiences. The important thing is that the person I share my experiences with need to be listneing in a way that leads them to learn from my experience and not make the very same terrible mistakes. If they think it is fun, I won't even let them know - and THAT is why Chad does not know me. It is not my fault that I could not share that part of my life with him. I was able to share it with my daughter, who attends Baylor University, is an Army Wife at 19 years old tomorrow. She waited until graduation to get married, and married a Virgin. She has stayed in school, and does not drink except 1 or two small drinks socially that she actually told me about because she does not like it or understand people who do. They live very well, have a very hard earned and honest lifestyle -and I am proud of her decisions, as well as the young lady she has became, and may become still yet.
Chad made it so he can say that he does not even know me or his dad and that it is my fault, but it is not my fault. He was not responsible enough for me to share mine or his father's mistakes with. We are sorry that such a large part of our lives involves the mistakes we made, but can not change the past or dwell in it.
Chad is a smart young man, but will not apply himself. I can not support him doing the things he was doing at my house, so I did not make a mistake in telling him that he had to go back to california to live with his Dad and face the failed grade, and his punishment instead of running from them. Where I can sympathize and understand that his dad can be controlling, I have also seen it in Chad since he was a very young child, and he did control my household for a long time, and kept it in turmoil constantly. When he was 14, he was too hard to keep him from controlling me and the household, and I allowed his Dad to do it for a while. His Dad may be a very controlling person, but it TAKES a VERY controlling person to HANDLE a very controlling child. I am sorry. I never believed in boot camps and grouop home with my older two and was appalled by them, until Chad came of age to show me why parent would SEND a child to a place like that. I would send him now, if I could find him. Let me reword that thought - I am going to send him to one, as soon as he comes home. I am looking at having him declared unruley, in order to keep him underage until 18 here in the State of Georgia. Then if he does not want to return to california, he can go to boot camp or a group home, because he has made it more than a little clear that he is not going to do the right things or make the right decisions at my house. He wants me to be his enabler, but I will not enable him, he can not stay here. {Thank you Don.} Life is hard, life really stinks at times, but it is also what we make of it. At htis point, he is making his life, I am just a parent, doing what I have to do for myself, and the rest of my household. I can not allow him to create the termoil around his Grandmother with Alzheimer's who lives here, or my overly extremly impressionable Autistic 15 year old brother who depends on me. He is 17, know what he is doing and if I can't stop it, I have to tell him to take it elsewhere in order to protect my little brother and my mother.
This is a New Year. I will not dwell on the bad things hapening today. Today is mine and my Fiance's Anniversary - 9 years today. I think I should be happy today, so I will be happy today. That is all. Chad is in God's hands. Tomorrow is my daughter's 19th birthday. this is supposed to be a happy week. It will be a happy week.
No what if's today. Life is hard, but we get through it with an abbundance of happy times in the end. That is what matters.
Those are about the whole of my problems with Will at this time, and I am very greatfull for that. God has blessed me in that area. At least Will is not an unruley child using drugs and scaring the crap out of me just to gain controll. Will has grown up to be a decent young man who is very respectfull, but who is also very impressionable. I am greatfull that he also wants to leave an impression - a good one, on those that meet him. I know the 14 year old thing was definitely not respect - but it is handled, and I will listen to his word just this once on this situation, saying the situation never happens again, that is, and I set that down to him. I hope there is never a next time, so I won't have to betray him in order to prevent hurt for April, but i will deal with that when the time comes. [FILE 13.]
Chad is a very confused, but very unruley and manipulative 17 year old young man who needs to get a grip. I can not do anything about the decisions he has made, and can not controll him - BUT I also can not let him controll me, or my household for that matter, as he has done in the past. It hurts so very badly that he left here on December 31st right around 2:00 AM EST. The hurt will pass. Life is tough, but we get though it. I told my teenagers that the reason that they could not get away with anything is that they were blessed with reformed parents who were determined not to let thier kids go in the same direction they had. When they asked how I planned on doing that, I told them, well, first of all - you can always come talk to me. We won't compare notes, so to speak, because I AM your mother, and although I made mistakes, I do not wear them as badges and am not proud of them. The important thing about my mistakes is that I can help others not to make the same mistakes by sharing my experiences. The important thing is that the person I share my experiences with need to be listneing in a way that leads them to learn from my experience and not make the very same terrible mistakes. If they think it is fun, I won't even let them know - and THAT is why Chad does not know me. It is not my fault that I could not share that part of my life with him. I was able to share it with my daughter, who attends Baylor University, is an Army Wife at 19 years old tomorrow. She waited until graduation to get married, and married a Virgin. She has stayed in school, and does not drink except 1 or two small drinks socially that she actually told me about because she does not like it or understand people who do. They live very well, have a very hard earned and honest lifestyle -and I am proud of her decisions, as well as the young lady she has became, and may become still yet.
Chad made it so he can say that he does not even know me or his dad and that it is my fault, but it is not my fault. He was not responsible enough for me to share mine or his father's mistakes with. We are sorry that such a large part of our lives involves the mistakes we made, but can not change the past or dwell in it.
Chad is a smart young man, but will not apply himself. I can not support him doing the things he was doing at my house, so I did not make a mistake in telling him that he had to go back to california to live with his Dad and face the failed grade, and his punishment instead of running from them. Where I can sympathize and understand that his dad can be controlling, I have also seen it in Chad since he was a very young child, and he did control my household for a long time, and kept it in turmoil constantly. When he was 14, he was too hard to keep him from controlling me and the household, and I allowed his Dad to do it for a while. His Dad may be a very controlling person, but it TAKES a VERY controlling person to HANDLE a very controlling child. I am sorry. I never believed in boot camps and grouop home with my older two and was appalled by them, until Chad came of age to show me why parent would SEND a child to a place like that. I would send him now, if I could find him. Let me reword that thought - I am going to send him to one, as soon as he comes home. I am looking at having him declared unruley, in order to keep him underage until 18 here in the State of Georgia. Then if he does not want to return to california, he can go to boot camp or a group home, because he has made it more than a little clear that he is not going to do the right things or make the right decisions at my house. He wants me to be his enabler, but I will not enable him, he can not stay here. {Thank you Don.} Life is hard, life really stinks at times, but it is also what we make of it. At htis point, he is making his life, I am just a parent, doing what I have to do for myself, and the rest of my household. I can not allow him to create the termoil around his Grandmother with Alzheimer's who lives here, or my overly extremly impressionable Autistic 15 year old brother who depends on me. He is 17, know what he is doing and if I can't stop it, I have to tell him to take it elsewhere in order to protect my little brother and my mother.
This is a New Year. I will not dwell on the bad things hapening today. Today is mine and my Fiance's Anniversary - 9 years today. I think I should be happy today, so I will be happy today. That is all. Chad is in God's hands. Tomorrow is my daughter's 19th birthday. this is supposed to be a happy week. It will be a happy week.
No what if's today. Life is hard, but we get through it with an abbundance of happy times in the end. That is what matters.